The Ant & the Grasshopper - Updated Version

Discussion in 'Humor' started by GigiBowman, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. GigiBowman
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    GigiBowman Active Member

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    Old Version:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
    building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays
    the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    Moral of the Story: Be Responsible for Yourself!


    Modern Version:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
    building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances
    and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
    to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

    CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

    How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

    Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green"

    Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We Shall Overcome". Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

    Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

    Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

    The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

    Hillary gets her former employer, the Rose Law Firm, to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a jury comprised of single parent welfare recipients.

    The ant loses the case.

    The story ends up as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's hold house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

    The ant has disappeared in the snow.

    The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

    Moral of the Story: Be Careful how you vote!
     
  2. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Free advise- Don't give up your day job to become a brother Grimm.
     
  3. GigiBowman
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    GigiBowman Active Member

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    That would be Sista Grimm to you bro lol
     
  4. Skull Pilot
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    Skull Pilot Platinum Member

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    Can you write up a scorpion and frog story?

    The Scorpion and the Frog
    One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.

    The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

    Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

    "Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

    "Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

    "Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

    Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

    "This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

    "Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

    "Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

    So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

    Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

    "You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

    The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

    "I could not help myself. It is my nature."


    Of course BHO is the scorpion
     
  5. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    :clap2::clap2:
     
  6. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Even more so then

    So noted but then why the BowMAN handle?

    Shouldn't that be bowperson, or bowlass or something?
     
  7. GigiBowman
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    GigiBowman Active Member

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    Married the Bowman...but don't you worry, I'm definately a lady :)
     

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