The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas

Billo_Really

Litre of the Band
Aug 14, 2005
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The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas

1. Problem: Your Vagina Smells Bad
Solution: Vaginal Deodorant


In the seventies, Massengill tried to marry feminism and its vaginal deodorant spray ("With Hexachlorophene") in an ad that declared the product to be "The Freedom Spray." It was "...the better way to be free to enjoy being a woman. Free from worry about external vaginal odor."


2. Problem: Your Vagina is Dirty
Solution: Douching


Douching, the act of forcing a mixture of fluids up into the vagina with a tube and pump, was first promoted as a form of birth control (it doesn't work) and has continued to be used for vaguely medical reasons: to prevent STIs (sexually transmitted infections), to clean the vagina after menstruation and, of course, to rid it of that disgusting vagina smell.


3. Problem: Your Vagina is Too Loose
Solution: Vaginal Rejuvenation


Let's face it. Nature really screwed up when it made the vagina. Never mind that that it accommodates the birth of a child or that it's fundamentally better designed than male genitalia. While nature was busy dishing out things like multiple orgasms, it forgot to make vaginas vice-tight. Luckily, plastic surgeons have stepped in to put an end to womankind's collective suffering.


4. Problem: Your Vagina is Ugly
Solution: Labiaplasty


If your vagina is tight enough (and let's face it, it's probably not) you've still got to deal with the labia. And by "deal with," I mean remove. Labiaplasty drastically reduces the labia, the protruding lips that surround the opening of the vagina.


5. Problem: Your Vagina Tastes Bad
Solution: Vagina Mints


If your partner is reluctant to give you oral sex, it's not because of pervasive cultural belief that cunnilingus is complicated to the point of being impossible and that vaginas are inherently icky (thus the need to uncomplicate them and un-ickify them with, oh, say, labiaplasty) it's because your vagina tastes bad.


6. Problem: Your Vagina is the Wrong Color
Solution: Vaginal Bleaching and Dying


Many women are under the impression that it's OK to have a vagina colored vagina. They're wrong, of course. They should be pink, and exceptionally so. What's a woman with a vagina colored vagina to do? Bleach it.
In contrast, guys only want two things:
  1. ESPN sports
  2. Don't bang our women!
 

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