The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time

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What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!

These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.

Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!

15. White Bread Demon
"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"


14. French Suicide Sausage
It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.


13. A Girl Around The House
It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!



12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.


11. Christmas Weapons
The family that guns together, has funs together.



10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger.
Sexy?


9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?


8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare
Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.


7. Root Beer Baby!
Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.



6. Locked Out
You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.


5. Pears Soap Disaster
"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"


4. Postage Meter Murder
"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.


3. Shave Yourself
The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!


2. Baby Soft
JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.


1. Chocolate Poulain
Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.


Special thanks to Weirdomatic, Livejournal & the fabulous Plan 59 !

 

[Midnight Marauder]

[ame=http://youtube.com/watch?v=_3mw49mk_x0]YouTube - AFSCME[/ame]

 

[jillian]

What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!

These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.

Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!

The level of misogyny in those ads is amazing... as is the way children are treated.

Gotta love 'the good old days'.

 

[paperview]

What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!

These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.

Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!

The level of misogyny in those ads is amazing... as is the way children are treated.

Gotta love 'the good old days'.

I know. The guy spanking his wife cause the coffee wasn't fresh has to be gold star winner.

 

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[AllieBaba]

I really don't get the Pears soap one.

 

[jillian]

I know. The guy spanking his wife cause the coffee wasn't fresh has to be gold star winner.

that was pretty awful.. but they did that on The Lucy Show, too.

And people bemoan how the 'social fabric' has deteriorated and that divorce rates have gone up.

 

[jillian]

I really don't get the Pears soap one.

I didn't either. It looked pretty abusive though.

 

[mudwhistle]

I really don't get the Pears soap one.

Advertisers sometimes can be pretty demented.

 

[L.K.Eder]

ok,











but what the flonz is this?

 

[paperview]

lol. Mommy mommy we can't breathe!!!

 

[Conspiracist]

I really don't get the Pears soap one.

The only thing I could get out of it was that the suds were so slippery the child had an accident.

Not a good advertisement.

The one with the spanking was funny as hell.

 

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[Conspiracist]

Just wrong!

 

[paperview]

We need some chizcake to counter that one:

 

[paperview]

Another vintage ad that has to be the creepiest of creepy:

 

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[Cold Fusion38]

#15) Is why I don't have children. I think EVERY child has that look at least ONCE in their lives.

#13) WTH is even being advertised in this one?

#11) Nothing says Christmas like WEAPONS

#10) This is actually a public service message about the dangers of screwing with WILD ANIMALS!

#9) If I ever did that to my wife I had better have some VERY strong coffee cause if I EVER went to sleep again it would be the LAST time.

#8) Is just the first quintuplets to ever survive, NOT 5 pictures of the same freaky kid.

#7) Another example of why I don't have children.

#6) Who are you really hurting?

#5) What the baby was so slippery the BATH TUB flipped over?

#4) Jury nullification?

#2) Innocence is sexier than you think, ESPECIALLY in PRISON!

#1) VAMPIRE CLOWN on a caffine high......RUNNNN!!!

The only thing worse than a freaky looking clown is a SOCK MONKEY! I HATE sock monkeys!

 

[Xenophon]

Did you know there was a soda board of america?

 

[Xenophon]

Did you know smoking protects your nose and throat?