Thanks!

[The ClayTaurus]

A special note for that certain someone who can't control their "forward" trigger finger.

To All My Online Friends And Family:



As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe,

secure, blessed, and wealthy.




Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat

crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel

every time I need to seal an envelope.

>

> Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the

same reason.

>

> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola

because it can remove toilet stains.

>

> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the

people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under

God" on their cans.

>

> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones

because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

>

> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even

though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

>

> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone

might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

>

> I no longer receive packages from nor send packages

by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

>

> I no longer answer the phone because someone will

ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to

Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

>

> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will

change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

>

> I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from

Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

>

> I no longer worry about my soul because at last

count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

>

> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers

my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a

wish within five minutes.

>

> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a

sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

>

> I no longer have any money at all - but that will

change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me

for participating in their special email program.

>

> Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out

for me.

Happy New Year and I'm looking forward to what 2006 brings.....

 

[Nienna]

Funny! Now, honestly, do you forward those things? ANY of them?

 

[The ClayTaurus]

Funny! Now, honestly, do you forward those things? ANY of them?

No. I forward maybe 1 email a week, and it doesn't fall under any of the ones mentioned. And I've got my mom trained to check the authenticity of anything before she sends it to me. She used to be so damn bad...

 

[Nienna]

I have forwarded them... I'm guilty. Not the prayer or money ones, but if it's about a lost child or the ones about safety, I do. Sad, I know.

 

[Mr. P]

Funny! Now, honestly, do you forward those things? ANY of them?

Yea ALL of them, straight to the trash bin.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

my grandpa does this. petitions, tear-jerker stories, and God/Jesus stories involving miracles to ordinary people that I am not sure contain even the slightest bit of truth.

He does email me with some funny stuff, and updates of their adventures up north. But its mostly the kind of stuff mentioned above-and I do open each email he sends because I am never sure whether its just a forwarded one or an actual message to me. I want to tell him to stop the useless emails, that I don't read them in full once I see that they aren't a personal one from him. But since I hardly ever see him anymore, its better than nothing.

Unfortunately, I don't email any other relatives, so if I sent this out in a mass email...he would be the only one on it.

 

[Hobbit]

my grandpa does this. petitions, tear-jerker stories, and God/Jesus stories involving miracles to ordinary people that I am not sure contain even the slightest bit of truth.

He does email me with some funny stuff, and updates of their adventures up north. But its mostly the kind of stuff mentioned above-and I do open each email he sends because I am never sure whether its just a forwarded one or an actual message to me. I want to tell him to stop the useless emails, that I don't read them in full once I see that they aren't a personal one from him. But since I hardly ever see him anymore, its better than nothing.

Unfortunately, I don't email any other relatives, so if I sent this out in a mass email...he would be the only one on it.

I used to have a friend who sent me this kind of stuff all the time. For a while, I just deleted them, but eventually, my sarcasm took over. From then on, every time I get an e-mail like this, I look it up, then send back the refutation with my sources cited. After about 3 of these in a row, the friend started looking at all of these e-mails with a healthy amount of skepticism.

I think my favorite one was a story about how Robert the Bruce (yeah, the guy in Braveheart), king of Scotland, was once running from English soldiers when he hid in a cave and prayed to God for protection. After he did, a spider started spinning a web over the entrance of the cave, making him cynical (yeah, standard story of doubting God's works, which always makes me VERY skeptical). However, when the English soldier came by, brandishing his pistol, he saw the web, concluded that nobody was in the cave (or they would have broken the web), and moved on.

My e-mail came back that Rober the Bruce died in the 12th century, whereas the pistol wasn't introduced until the 16th century. He also never lost a military engagement. After he took the throne, Scotland remained independant until they signed the treaty that formed the United Kingdom.