Texas Super-Villains

[Abishai100]

I wanted to do a random spotlight of criminals (eerie ghouls) specifically from Texas, since it is a U.S. state with very strange frequency and quality of crimes in American history.


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Thomas Hewitt was a Texan who worked at an Austin meat factory and had a secret obsession with burglarizing hardware stores (Home Depot branches). Thomas stole a dozen chainsaws over the course of two years and then began sculpting bizarre face masks made out of animal skin and the skin of corpses and calling himself 'Leatherface.' Leatherface decided to be a Texas Super-Villain.

Leatherface was the founder of the Texas Super-Villain club, and he was about to invite Poison Ivy (an attractive eco-terrorist) to join him on a storming of a Dallas Cowboys NFL game on Halloween Eve. Poison Ivy accepted his invitation and became the second member and vice-president of the Texas Super-Villain club. On Halloween Eve, they were met by Batman at the Cowboys game who stormed in on a hang-glider to put an end to Leatherface's on-field terrorism with machine guns and bazookas and Poison Ivy's spraying of water-guns filled with corrosive acid.

Batman had Leatherface and Poison Ivy incarcerated in Arkham Asylum the day after Halloween, and Commissioner Gordon requested the Dark Knight personally interview them for psycho-evaluation (from a 'street-mercenary/vigilante psychotherapy' mandate), and Batman agreed to take the job. Batman prepared his carefully detailed notes about criminal insanity as it relates to unusual acts of terrorism and self-destruction.

LEATHERFACE: I hate Home Depot!
POISON IVY: Home Depot sucks!
BATMAN: Calm down; you're in Arkham now. Take your medication.

LEATHERFACE: I'm only half-insane.
POISON IVY: I'm insane half the time.
BATMAN: We're all insane invisibly.


LEATHERFACE: I like my toys.
POISON IVY: I like my eco-toxins.
BATMAN: Get used to desks and pencils.


LEATHERFACE: I can not re-integrate into society.
POISON IVY: No one would accept us.
BATMAN: You can live in Wayne Mansion (under the pseudo-title 'Butler and Maid').


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[Abishai100]

The Texas Bayou



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Two new threats arose from the Bayou of Texas --- Hobgoblin and Swamp Thing. The former, a jet-glider soaring, pumpkin-bomb throwing manic contemplated how to engage the Swamp Thing; the latter, a mutated child-grown-up raised abandoned in the swamps, decided to throw mud (at passing cop cars) as a challenge to Hobgoblin's nifty pumpkin-bombs. Batman observed all of this from the safety of Wane Mansion in Gotham and was at least satisfied that Leatherface and Poison Ivy (two Texas terrors were incarcerated and being treated at Arkham Asylum (Center for the Criminally Insane).

Hobgoblin found Swamp Thing in Houston, Texas on Halloween Eve and immediately started throwing-pumpkin bombs at him. Swamp Thing started throwing mud at Hobgoblin's jet-glider rocket boosters. Swamp Thing then engaged Hobgoblin in a discussion.

HOBGOBLIN: You dare throw mud at me!
SWAMP THING: You're a terrorist! You need to relax.
HOBGOBLIN: You're a swamp-creature! You need to die.
SWAMP THING: I'm not as miserable as I look.
HOBGOBLIN: Well, I'm as mean as I look.
SWAMP THING: We should partner together for a joint-crime activity.
HOBGOBLIN: For Halloween?
SWAMP THING: Why not?

Batman got a call from Gotham commissioner Jim Gordon:

"Batman, Hobgoblin and Swamp Thing are in Houston (Texas) terrorizing pedestrians and cars on the road, and the police are helpless, so the GCPD is having you travel there to effectively deal with these titans with your 'clever' weapons!"

Batman (Bruce Wayne) was in Houston and he found Hobgoblin and Swamp Thing making all kinds of trouble. Hobgoblin cried out, "If you kill me, Batman, at least look at a playful 'stick-figure' self-portrait I made of myself and then deem if I am criminally insane!!" and pulled out the drawing and flung it onto the windshield of the Bat-jet (from Hobgoblin's glider), and Batman grabbed it. "This is a silly little sarcastic (and self-deprecating) child's drawing! Hobgoblin is indeed criminally insane, if the thinks he can 'hypnotize' normal people with images of 'playful mischief!'"

Swamp Thing flung all amounts of mud at the Bat-jet, and it soon crashed. Batman got out and sprayed Swamp Thing with his liquid-nitrogen gun, and the monster was frozen. Batman then noticed Hobgoblin come soaring towards him (on his jet-glider) and immediately shined his ultra-bright flashlight in the maniac's eyes, causing him to become disoriented and fall off his glider. Batman tied up Hobgoblin and then had the two Texas 'outlanders' transported to Arkham Asylum (in Gotham City) for treatment. He was happy he did not resort to 'extreme vigilante-justice' and instead brought the two mentally troubled (and troubling!) criminals to safe-space.

At Arkham, Bruce Wayne interviewed Hobgoblin and a thawed-out Swamp Thing.

BRUCE: How does it feel to be incarcerated?
SWAMP THING: Batman froze me; now, I feel...warmer.
HOBGOBLIN: We better be 'cured.'

BRUCE: Arkham has the right doctors.
SWAMP THING: I hate medicine.
HOBGOBLIN: I hate Arkham!

BRUCE: You'll be better for others and yourselves at Arkham!
SWAMP THING: Wayne Enterprises would endorse that statement.
HOBGOBLIN: I was going to bomb Wayne Enterprises.

BRUCE: Do you resent modern civilization? What is your personal demon?
SWAMP THING: The FDA is a joke; too many air-polluting cars. I fear sloth.
HOBGOBLIN: I don't trust psychiatry. I fear noise.

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