Stolen Chicken

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Madeline, May 30, 2010.

  1. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?


    KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

    PLATO: For the greater good.

    ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

    FREIDRICH ENGELS: Chickens of the word unite. You have nothing to lose but the road.

    JOHHY ROTTEN: Because it did not what it (exptetive deleted) wanted but it wanted now.

    SID VICIOUS: *Puking sounds*

    TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

    SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    GEORGE W BUSH: Because it was evil and dangerous and tried to hide WMD from me.

    CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chickens, 'Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

    JIMI HENDRIX: I don’t care. It was a voodoo chicken, man.

    JIM MORRISON: Not to touch the earth, not to see the sun, nothing left for chicken but to cross the road, cross the road, cross the road. Let it cross the road.

    RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

    BILL CLINTON: I don’t know. I did not have sex with that chicken.

    MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crosses the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

    JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, what the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

    BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

    OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

    DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross the roads.

    EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

    BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

    RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road....it transcended it.

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

    COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

    TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

    FRODO BAGGINS: It was chicken’s to cross or keep as the chicken saw fit.

    SAURON THE GREAT: The Chicken! The Chicken!

    GANDALF THE GRAY: Everybody has something to do before the end.

    NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

    JOHANN FRIEDRICH VON GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

    HENRY DAVID THOREAU: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

    CARL JUNG: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

    JEAN-PAUL SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

    LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN: The possibility of 'crossing' was encoded into the objects 'chicken' and 'road,' and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

    DAVID HUME: Out of custom and habit.

    EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.

    JOSEPH STALIN: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

    WERNER HEISENBERG: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

    SALVADOR DALI: The Fish.

    DOUGLAS ADAMS: Forty-two.

    OLIVER NORTH: National Security was at stake.

    JACK NICHOLSON: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

    BARACK OBAMA: Let me be clear. The crossing of the road will not come easy or cheap if we wait for some other chicken or some other time. I am the one we've been waiting for to cross the road.

    J.R.R. TOLKIEN: Three Road for the Chicken-kings under the sky,
    Seven for the Chicken-lords in their halls of stone,
    Nine for Mortal Chickens doomed to die,
    One for the Dark Chicken on his dark throne
    In the Land of Chicken where the Shadows lie.
    One Road to rule them all, One Road to find them,
    One Road to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
    In the Land of Chicken where the Shadows lie.

    JOHN LENNON: Give the chicken a chance.


    Lovingly and totally stolen from a dear friend. Please add to this list.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  2. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Willy Sutton -- Because that's where the chickenfeed was.

    Arbert Camus-- Because its Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday, it didn’t know. It had a telegram from home: ‘mother passed away. Funeral tomorrow, other side of road. Yours sincerely.’ That doesn’t mean anything. It may have been yesterday.”

    Edmund Husserl - It was "bracketing" the empirical data of other side of the road away from consideration in hopes of achieving pure consciousness, pure phenomena, and the pure Ego as the residue of phenomenological reduction.

    Ayn Rand -- It was looking for John Galt.

    Joesph Heller -- It was looking for the Snowdens of yesteryear.

    L. Frank Baum -- It was off the see the Wizard

    Jack Kerouac -- Because you're either on the side of the road or you're not.

    Robert Frost -Because it had a road to cross before it slept.

    Bob Dylan - How many roads must a chicken cross before we call it a fowl? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind, it's blowing in the wind.

    Curley Stooge -- EH! It was a victim of circumstance
     
  3. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    O goody! Those were fantabulous editec!

    e.e. cummings: it was a pretty chicken
    near a snowy road
    and so it left across
    (o! another snowflake!)

    Lewis Carroll: `Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
    All chickens went across the roads,
    And the mome raths outgrabe.

    Simon de Beauvior: The chicken was made to feel by oppressive roosters that its original placement in Life was second best. Therefore in order to preserve its dignity, the chicken had no other choice but to leave out across the road.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  4. RadiomanATL
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    RadiomanATL Senior Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. HappyJoyJoy
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    HappyJoyJoy Rookie

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    Who stole it?
     
  6. Colin
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    Colin Gold Member

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    Sex mad chicken - For a quick duck

    Homosexual chicken - For a big cock
     

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