Here are the standards that must be met before we can go to war: For Democrats: There must be a threat to our allies, but only socialist nations or nations filled with the oppressed. It must be humanitarian in nature. You must never call it a war. You can go to war for oil as long as your own supply sources aren't at risk. Any action is acceptable as long as you say it's to save the lives of women and children. Remember this. Men, fuckem. Women and children must be saved at all costs. For Republicans: No excuse is good enough.