ONE: Derek Jeter recently finished a career in which he had approximately 10,000 official times at bat, and probably another thousand non-counted at bats or post season turns. Each one of them included about 5 pitches.
Therefore one can confidently estimate that about fifty-five thousand times, Derek Jeter stepped out of the batter's box and adjusted - not one - but both of his two batting gloves.
Now at long, long last, he can finally give this ridiculous, unnecessary, time-wasting, self-adulating ritual a rest.
Batters who step out of the box on each pitch should be ejected, then suspended, then shot.
TWO: Spitting is one of the most disgusting acts that a human can do. There are a few times in life when it seems like the best thing to do, but those times are rare, and best suppressed or done in private. Many baseball players spit constantly, with the former player - now manager - Dusty Baker being the King of Spit. He should be forced to drink a 55-gallon drum of his own spit. Maybe then he would get the message of how disgusting it (he) is.
Adding sunflower seeds to the equation raises the level of disgusting-ness to the third power.
THREE: These women who find it necessary to shriek when they hit the ball make me want to shriek, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" when I have the occasion to see them on the telly. Unfortunately, a few of the shriekers (e.g., Williams, the younger) are at the top of the rankings, and playing in significant matches. I turn off the sound.
The Navratilova woman is just as disgusted as I am with the shrieking and I heard her suggest a year or so ago that if you deducted a point for shrieking, it would take the offending players about 5 minutes to permanently rid themselves of this ridiculous, pointless habit. I understand that some womens' coaches actually teach it. A pox on all of them.
FOUR: When I was growing up and playing basketball, the rules required that when dribbling the ball, the players hand be ON TOP OF THE BALL. If the player controlled the ball from the side of the ball, it was a violation called, "palming," and the team lost the ball.
Then along came an NBA "star" named Ervin Johnson. He "palmed" the ball every time he dribbled it, so in true NBA fashion, the officials declined to call the infraction because of Johnson's exalted status. Now palming the ball is universal, and never called. Thank you Ervin Johnson, for that. May you get HIV. Wait...sorry...you already have it. Never mind.
FIVE: When I was growing up, it was customary for winning sports competitors to be humble and gracious when discussing their wins. Expressions like, "It was really a team effort," "It could have gone either way," and "By the grace of God," were common.
Then a strange thing happened. There was a boxer named Cassius Clay, who was a shameless self-promoter, and who decided to emulate PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS, specifically, one "Gorgeous George," who made it a practice to boast about themselves and belittle their opponents when being interviewed after a win. At the time, this was something that was limited to Professional Wrestling, which was and is something of a farce anyway. But it was NEVER done in "real" sport.
Until Cassius Clay starting spouting, "I am the greatest!" and other expressions of similar import.
And now this disgusting and totally ungracious behavior pattern is common.
Therefore one can confidently estimate that about fifty-five thousand times, Derek Jeter stepped out of the batter's box and adjusted - not one - but both of his two batting gloves.
Now at long, long last, he can finally give this ridiculous, unnecessary, time-wasting, self-adulating ritual a rest.
Batters who step out of the box on each pitch should be ejected, then suspended, then shot.
TWO: Spitting is one of the most disgusting acts that a human can do. There are a few times in life when it seems like the best thing to do, but those times are rare, and best suppressed or done in private. Many baseball players spit constantly, with the former player - now manager - Dusty Baker being the King of Spit. He should be forced to drink a 55-gallon drum of his own spit. Maybe then he would get the message of how disgusting it (he) is.
Adding sunflower seeds to the equation raises the level of disgusting-ness to the third power.
THREE: These women who find it necessary to shriek when they hit the ball make me want to shriek, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" when I have the occasion to see them on the telly. Unfortunately, a few of the shriekers (e.g., Williams, the younger) are at the top of the rankings, and playing in significant matches. I turn off the sound.
The Navratilova woman is just as disgusted as I am with the shrieking and I heard her suggest a year or so ago that if you deducted a point for shrieking, it would take the offending players about 5 minutes to permanently rid themselves of this ridiculous, pointless habit. I understand that some womens' coaches actually teach it. A pox on all of them.
FOUR: When I was growing up and playing basketball, the rules required that when dribbling the ball, the players hand be ON TOP OF THE BALL. If the player controlled the ball from the side of the ball, it was a violation called, "palming," and the team lost the ball.
Then along came an NBA "star" named Ervin Johnson. He "palmed" the ball every time he dribbled it, so in true NBA fashion, the officials declined to call the infraction because of Johnson's exalted status. Now palming the ball is universal, and never called. Thank you Ervin Johnson, for that. May you get HIV. Wait...sorry...you already have it. Never mind.
FIVE: When I was growing up, it was customary for winning sports competitors to be humble and gracious when discussing their wins. Expressions like, "It was really a team effort," "It could have gone either way," and "By the grace of God," were common.
Then a strange thing happened. There was a boxer named Cassius Clay, who was a shameless self-promoter, and who decided to emulate PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS, specifically, one "Gorgeous George," who made it a practice to boast about themselves and belittle their opponents when being interviewed after a win. At the time, this was something that was limited to Professional Wrestling, which was and is something of a farce anyway. But it was NEVER done in "real" sport.
Until Cassius Clay starting spouting, "I am the greatest!" and other expressions of similar import.
And now this disgusting and totally ungracious behavior pattern is common.
