Someone is alive today because I don't want to go to prison

[BDBoop]

My rage came after the fact, and if I saw my ex now, I wouldn't acknowledge his existence. You know those conversations you have in your head where you call them on their shit? I can't even. That isn't the man I used to know, and I don't want to know the one he became.

I wish I didn't ever have to deal with him, but we have shared custody of my son (my daughter is 18 and won't speak to him).

These days, I don't make any special efforts to help him out or get along. I do the bare minimum required by law, and we do not speak aside from terse e-mails about things with my son.

I would never risk my life to kill him, though if he were struck by a bus and killed, I would not mourn for a second.

Yup. The minute he did the damage, my daughter was done with him. I am grateful I didn't procreate with him.

 

[freedombecki]

Oh, no. No, no-no.

Here's what happened. My incredibly toxic mother was running her mouth (as always). I was behind her chair. The knives were to my left, she was to my right and I thought "I can do this. I can do this, and there is not a jury in the land that would find me guilty."

Of course, my next realization was that it was time to move.

Could your mother's toxic speech be some kind of compulsive disorder, and is she getting medical or psychological attention?

You resisted your urge, so her situation must be pretty disturbing to anyone close, or does she just single you out? Some people with psychological problems pick on just one person, others, it's everyone. Some women just pick on other women because they have a Cassandra complex, so other women do not mean much to them.

I'm just clicking off thoughts, probably not anywhere close to what you are experiencing around your mother, BDBoop. Prayers for healing the anger that made you feel tempted to harm her and that you will never be troubled by such feelings again.

 

[BDBoop]

Oh, no. No, no-no.

Here's what happened. My incredibly toxic mother was running her mouth (as always). I was behind her chair. The knives were to my left, she was to my right and I thought "I can do this. I can do this, and there is not a jury in the land that would find me guilty."

Of course, my next realization was that it was time to move.

Could your mother's toxic speech be some kind of compulsive disorder, and is she getting medical or psychological attention?

You resisted your urge, so her situation must be pretty disturbing to anyone close, or does she just single you out? Some people with psychological problems pick on just one person, others, it's everyone. Some women just pick on other women because they have a Cassandra complex, so other women do not mean much to them.

I'm just clicking off thoughts, probably not anywhere close to what you are experiencing around your mother, BDBoop. Prayers for healing the anger that made you feel tempted to harm her and that you will never be troubled by such feelings again.

She's dead. She did single me out, and my daughter as well. I am relieved at her passing.

She was mentally ill, never diagnosed or treated.

 

[hortysir]

*whew*

I was afraid there'd be a 1 in the top box and, like, 30 in the NO column

 

[Unkotare]

Nope. Luckially I have nerver had the occasion to make that choice.
I guess it is the circles I have chosen to run in during my life.
I guess I just never hated anyone enough to kill them.

Sometimes life brings it too you,you have no choice.

True but you can greatly reduce the odds of that happening by making the right choices in your life.

If I had to kill someone I would be very pissed at them for causing me to have to do it.

But I WILL kill if I have to.

How do you know that?

 

[Unkotare]

Capital punishment wasn't mentioned in the OP, prison was. Dumbass.

I've never thought about killing anyone, though I did once envision throwing a coffee cup at my ex-husband's head while he was ranting on and on about my inadequacies back in 1996. I could literally see the heavy ceramic mug spiraling through the air until it struck him on the temple and laid him out. And then I saw the ER visit and the inevitable questions about how he'd been injured, and the assault charge being filed against me for domestic violence and the inevitable loss of employment with my police agency.

It was the last thing that kept me from throwing, though I will say that visualizing that mug hitting him in the temple was one of the better moments of that year. Sometimes, imagination is better than reality.

Ahhh.....I can relate.,..only I went a tad further....I did go after my husband with a baseball bat. We were not divorced yet.......and when I couldn't get at him....I took it out on his car...headlights went out, windows became cracked and a few dents here and there.
I'm sure if I had connected with him....I would have hurt him...so I'm glad I didn't~

Some of you have some real self control issues.

 

[freedombecki]

Oh, no. No, no-no.

Here's what happened. My incredibly toxic mother was running her mouth (as always). I was behind her chair. The knives were to my left, she was to my right and I thought "I can do this. I can do this, and there is not a jury in the land that would find me guilty."

Of course, my next realization was that it was time to move.

Could your mother's toxic speech be some kind of compulsive disorder, and is she getting medical or psychological attention?

You resisted your urge, so her situation must be pretty disturbing to anyone close, or does she just single you out? Some people with psychological problems pick on just one person, others, it's everyone. Some women just pick on other women because they have a Cassandra complex, so other women do not mean much to them.

I'm just clicking off thoughts, probably not anywhere close to what you are experiencing around your mother, BDBoop. Prayers for healing the anger that made you feel tempted to harm her and that you will never be troubled by such feelings again.

She's dead. She did single me out, and my daughter as well. I am relieved at her passing.

She was mentally ill, never diagnosed or treated.

My condolences on your heartache. There are mentally ill people out there who are never diagnosed or treated who inflict untold misery on those around them. A person in my life had PTSD from WWII and Korea, was a Japanese prisoner for 18 months in WWII, spent time in a mental facilty, had episodes of explosive anger that resulted in him beating family members up. I finally was able to forgive him 15 years after he died, wish I'd have been a little more loving when he was having fits, but it's hard to be sympathetic when you're running for safety rather than get your face rearranged by his fists.

If I had to do it again, I think I'd opt for counseling in dealing with a parent who had anger management issues. I'm still uncomfortable around bullies who take a fist to children for no reason at all. I finally figured it out that his time in the prisoner of war camp was filled with so much punishment that's all he knew, and he did wake up screaming at night sometimes for reasons known only to himself. His treatment in the mental facility did not stop his episodes of brutality. That was his only catharsis, but he never hit my mom, so she did not know what he did when she was absent. When she died suddenly, he did not mourn her death for her 30 years of waiting on him hand and foot and cushioning his tantrums with everybody else in the family. He treated her mother and her sister badly after she died. It took me 15 years after he passed for me to realize the hell his life must have as a victim of paranoid schizophrenia, pushing everyone else to the curb, then wondering why nobody wanted to party at his house for the hellidays.

It's a wonder what prayer can do to help you forgive someone else for heinous behaviors. But forgiveness comes eventually, and then suddenly, you're free and happy. Some things just take a long time to work out.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

My incredibly toxic mother was running her mouth (as always). I was behind her chair. The knives were to my left, she was to my right and I thought "I can do this. I can do this, and there is not a jury in the land that would find me guilty."

You contemplated murder because someone was "running their mouth"? Wow. And it was you MOTHER you considered killing? Holly crap.

Seek help. Seriously.

You don't have the right to judge until you know the whole story, until you have walked in BDBoop's shoes.

IOW, being a mother does not automatically make you capable of being a Good Mother.

Believe me, I know.

 

[popeyecv64]

LOL@ hard times in prison

 

[percysunshine]

Wow. An 'I want to kill my mother' thread.

Maybe BD could just flame her instead.

 

[BDBoop]

She's dead.

Thanks for playing.

 

[percysunshine]

She's dead.

Thanks for playing.

Ultra weird thread.

You feeling ok BD?

 

[BDBoop]

She's dead.

Thanks for playing.

Ultra weird thread.

You feeling ok BD?

I'm fine.

I shared an incident that happened over 20 years ago. My mother died of Lewy Body Dementia (the worst kind) February 13, 2011.

 

[popeyecv64]

HHHHHMMMmmmm ??

who did you wants ta murder sir ??

 

[Dabs]

HHHHHMMMmmmm ??

who did you wants ta murder sir ??

ALL of us....want to murder YOU....sir.

 

[hortysir]

HHHHHMMMmmmm ??

who did you wants ta murder sir ??

ALL of us....want to murder YOU....sir.

Slowly

 

[Sky Dancer]

She's dead.

Thanks for playing.

Ultra weird thread.

You feeling ok BD?

I'm fine.

I shared an incident that happened over 20 years ago. My mother died of Lewy Body Dementia (the worst kind) February 13, 2011.

I'm sorry to hear that BD.

 

[BDBoop]

HHHHHMMMmmmm ??

who did you wants ta murder sir ??

ALL of us....want to murder YOU....sir.

Slowly

With a spork!

 

[Sky Dancer]

Oh, no. No, no-no.

Here's what happened. My incredibly toxic mother was running her mouth (as always). I was behind her chair. The knives were to my left, she was to my right and I thought "I can do this. I can do this, and there is not a jury in the land that would find me guilty."

Of course, my next realization was that it was time to move.

Good for you. You woke up in time. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.

 

[hortysir]

ALL of us....want to murder YOU....sir.

Slowly

With a spork!