Someone Insults Your Wife in Public - What Do You Do?

[syrenn]

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

That is his cover story........hes a sexy hunk!

 

[High_Gravity]

I would probably confront him and cuss him out, if a fight ensues so be it, I would wait there for the police if I had to.

 

[High_Gravity]

Well, that's one way to look at it, I suppose. Not what I had in mind. I wonder if anyone else wants to jump in here?

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

I'm sorry that happened to you, I would have probably ended up fighting with the guy.

 

[Jos]

Well, that's one way to look at it, I suppose. Not what I had in mind. I wonder if anyone else wants to jump in here?

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

George, lets face it, your a wimp, the only martial art you know is Isue, buy some pepper spray and feel a real man

 

[George Costanza]

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

George, lets face it, your a wimp, the only martial art you know is Isue, buy some pepper spray and feel a real man

God, I love it! Truly laughing out loud here. This post makes the thread for me. Thanks!

 

[Lumpy 1]

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

George, lets face it, your a wimp, the only martial art you know is Isue, buy some pepper spray and feel a real man

At 72...I'm thinkin ball kicking just might not be an option...but his son could have stepped up to the plate.. In my day and in my mind you just don't mess with a guys Mom...

What's happened here.. sheesh.. men are just too pussed out it seems..

 

[George Costanza]

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

The manager was wrong on many counts. She should have called the cops and had him removed. Your dinner, in the very least, should have been comped.

I would suggest you go over the managers head and complain about what happened to you.

When it was all over, the manager came over to our table and apologized profusely. She also gave us three (one each) complimentary dinner coupons. My wife asked her if she knew what to do in that situation, and she admitted that she truly did not. My wife asked if they hadn't trained her for that type of thing, and she said no.

I later talked to the Head Manager for this particular restaurant. He had not been fully informed on what exactly had happened. He said that his acting managers ARE trained in how to handle these types of situations, and he said he would meet with this particular manager and counsel her. I said it was probably a pretty unique situation and he said no, not at all. They have confrontations and fights there all the time - people trying to crowd in front of others to get to the food being the main source of irritation between customers.

I like SoupPlantation. The main office in San Diego (I am in phone contact with them as well) sent us two more complimentary dinner passes. We will continue to dine at Souper, just not that one restaurant where this happened, only because I have no assurance from them that this guy is 86'd, and I do not want to run the risk of running into him again.

I'll tell you one thing I said to the Head Manager - I said that my wife has a heart condition and she was extremely upset over this (naturally). If it had developed that she suffered a heart attack and died as a result of this incident, AND it was established that SoupPlantation personnel had not acted properly to put a stop to it once they knew it was going on, that is the stuff that lawsuits are made of. SoupPlantation cannot be expected to prevente something like this in the first place but, once it commences, they do have a duty to act reasonably in controlling it and putting an end to it as soon as possible.

 

[ABikerSailor]

What would you do if some guy called your wife an extremely filthy and insulting name in a public place?

Simple question. Not so simple answer.

(I am posting this in the Law Forum, because I am mainly - but not entirely - concerned with a discussion of the legal consequences that might arise from such a situation.)

Me? I'd probably say something like "hey asshole, what the fuck's your problem, you want to shout at someone, pick me".

I'd then goad him into a fight, and when he swung first, all legal problems are solved, because now kicking their ass is just self defense.

And, you can't get in trouble for foul language, as they were the ones to start it first.

Pre-emptive strikes are a bad idea in public.

 

[George Costanza]

At 72...I'm thinkin ball kicking just might not be an option...but his son could have stepped up to the plate.. In my day and in my mind you just don't mess with a guys Mom...

What's happened here.. sheesh.. men are just too pussed out it seems..

Our son is a 49-year-old roofing contractor in the prime of his life. He stands over 6 feet and is in perfect physical condition. As soon as this jerk started in, I looked at him and said, "Don't do it." He didn't get up. Both of us just sat there until I went for the manager.

At one point, my son looked at this guy, who was beginning to verbally threaten physical violence, and said: "You want to swing on me? Come on." The guy (wisely for him) didn't do it, and things remained verbal instead of physical.

Cops arresting someone for assault and battery don't care whether it's the son or the husband - all they want to know is who threw the first punch.

I am proud of my son's actions and the restraint he displayed. Mature men act as we did, not as this jerk did.

 

[syrenn]

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

The manager was wrong on many counts. She should have called the cops and had him removed. Your dinner, in the very least, should have been comped.

I would suggest you go over the managers head and complain about what happened to you.

When it was all over, the manager came over to our table and apologized profusely. She also gave us three (one each) complimentary dinner coupons. My wife asked her if she knew what to do in that situation, and she admitted that she truly did not. My wife asked if they hadn't trained her for that type of thing, and she said no.

I later talked to the Head Manager for this particular restaurant. He had not been fully informed on what exactly had happened. He said that his acting managers ARE trained in how to handle these types of situations, and he said he would meet with this particular manager and counsel her. I said it was probably a pretty unique situation and he said no, not at all. They have confrontations and fights there all the time - people trying to crowd in front of others to get to the food being the main source of irritation between customers.

I like SoupPlantation. The main office in San Diego (I am in phone contact with them as well) sent us two more complimentary dinner passes. We will continue to dine at Souper, just not that one restaurant where this happened, only because I have no assurance from them that this guy is 86'd, and I do not want to run the risk of running into him again.

I'll tell you one thing I said to the Head Manager - I said that my wife has a heart condition and she was extremely upset over this (naturally). If it had developed that she suffered a heart attack and died as a result of this incident, AND it was established that SoupPlantation personnel had not acted properly to put a stop to it once they knew it was going on, that is the stuff that lawsuits are made of. SoupPlantation cannot be expected to prevente something like this in the first place but, once it commences, they do have a duty to act reasonably in controlling it and putting an end to it as soon as possible.

See my first post

 

[George Costanza]

Me? I'd probably say something like "hey asshole, what the fuck's your problem, you want to shout at someone, pick me".

I'd then goad him into a fight, and when he swung first, all legal problems are solved, because now kicking their ass is just self defense.

And, you can't get in trouble for foul language, as they were the ones to start it first.

Pre-emptive strikes are a bad idea in public.

This is not a bad option and, if this thing were to happen again tonight, I might be tempted. But, again, I would probably have wound up on the wrong side of that one.

I know this - if this had happened when I was younger, I can't say that I would have refrained from popping the guy.

 

[ABikerSailor]

Me? I'd probably say something like "hey asshole, what the fuck's your problem, you want to shout at someone, pick me".

I'd then goad him into a fight, and when he swung first, all legal problems are solved, because now kicking their ass is just self defense.

And, you can't get in trouble for foul language, as they were the ones to start it first.

Pre-emptive strikes are a bad idea in public.

This is not a bad option and, if this thing were to happen again tonight, I might be tempted. But, again, I would probably have wound up on the wrong side of that one.

I know this - if this had happened when I was younger, I can't say that I would have refrained from popping the guy.

Use some of the language that is used on here to get people riled up, and when he loses control and swings, break their kneecap with a front sweep and then continue to pound until you feel vindicated.

 

[George Costanza]

I would suggest you go over the managers head and complain about what happened to you.

I am doing just that. I have called the main, corporate offices of Souper, which are in San Diego. As yet, no one is returning my call. I think they probably delegated it to the guy from the local restaurant. I'm not going to give up. If I can't get a return call from main corporate, then I will write them a letter.

Thanks for your kind thoughts and remarks - and thanks to ALL of you in this regard. I am very warmed by the responses on this thread.

 

[George Costanza]

Me? I'd probably say something like "hey asshole, what the fuck's your problem, you want to shout at someone, pick me".

I'd then goad him into a fight, and when he swung first, all legal problems are solved, because now kicking their ass is just self defense.

And, you can't get in trouble for foul language, as they were the ones to start it first.

Pre-emptive strikes are a bad idea in public.

This is not a bad option and, if this thing were to happen again tonight, I might be tempted. But, again, I would probably have wound up on the wrong side of that one.

I know this - if this had happened when I was younger, I can't say that I would have refrained from popping the guy.

Use some of the language that is used on here to get people riled up, and when he loses control and swings, break their kneecap with a front sweep and then continue to pound until you feel vindicated.

Thank you very much.

 

[Warrior102]

What would you do if some guy called your wife an extremely filthy and insulting name in a public place?

Simple question. Not so simple answer.

(I am posting this in the Law Forum, because I am mainly - but not entirely - concerned with a discussion of the legal consequences that might arise from such a situation.)

What would provoke someone to do this?

 

[Warrior102]

Use some of the language that is used on here to get people riled up, and when he loses control and swings, break their kneecap with a front sweep and then continue to pound until you feel vindicated.

Have you and your boyfriend been badmouthed asswipe? What would you break a kneecap with? A fucking Q-tip?

 

[syrenn]

I would suggest you go over the managers head and complain about what happened to you.

I am doing just that. I have called the main, corporate offices of Souper, which are in San Diego. As yet, no one is returning my call. I think they probably delegated it to the guy from the local restaurant. I'm not going to give up. If I can't get a return call from main corporate, then I will write them a letter.

Thanks for your kind thoughts and remarks - and thanks to ALL of you in this regard. I am very warmed by the responses on this thread.

Post #17


Good.... hike this right up to the top.

Least you forget.... you can sue for emotional distress due to the lack of the manager taking action and removing the man from the area. You have an admission form the acting manager that she had no training. Her giving you return dinner certificates is an admission of wrong happening. You have an admission from her superiors that she did or should have had training...and should have handled it better. Was there video? ... get a copy.

Get everything in writing from now on... emails are you best friend.

Think like a lawyer George....


.

 

[California Girl]

Words, no matter how unpleasant, mean nothing. An insult is just words. I would expect my SO to ignore it... because that is the grown up thing to do.

If however, anyone threatened me with physical harm... (insert optional deity here) help that person. I don't need any guy to defend me, I'd 86 his ass myself.

 

[syrenn]

Words, no matter how unpleasant, mean nothing. An insult is just words. I would expect my SO to ignore it... because that is the grown up thing to do.

If however, anyone threatened me with physical harm... (insert optional deity here) help that person. I don't need any guy to defend me, I'd 86 his ass myself.

Agreed. It does not mean however you cant sue the man or the establishment in civil court for damages.

 

[Ernie S.]

How about you jump in as well...

How does Mr. Shrinkage handle the situation?

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

I thought he was much older too.