Some suggestions for Democrats / libbies

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Merlin1047, Dec 6, 2004.

  1. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    E-mailed to me. Author unknown. Enjoy, especially Bully. :)
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


    To Michael Moore: Sit down and shut up... And do something about your hair.
    And the ball cap.

    To Jimmy Carter: big mistake to sit down and shut up next to Michael Moore
    at the convention. Spend more time with drywall and the glue gun.

    To Tom Daschle: If you lean too far to the left, voters will tend to lean
    right for a while, but will eventually push you out of the boat.

    To Al Gore: Please, sir, before it's too late ... Seek an experienced mental
    health professional. You're beginning to make Christopher Lloyd in "Back To
    The Future" look downright Rotarian-like.

    To Dan Rather: Enjoy your early retirement. The next memo you get will be
    real.

    To the DNC: Your platform must not have lurched far enough to the left. Keep
    it tilting southpaw. Read more Marx. P.S. Keep insulting the voters with
    your moral and intellectual condescension too. It goes well with that warp
    speed registering of folks in plaid wool blankets pushing shopping carts.
    Lovely constituency.

    To Bill Clinton: Thanks for hitting the campaign trail for Kerry. Some of us
    needed a reminder of what we were trying to avoid.

    To Hillary Clinton: PLEASE run in '08. The Heartland will be hungry for
    more hors d'oeuvres by then.

    To the MTV Kidz: Vote or die - or not. Like, whatever, dude.

    To John "Breck Girl" Edwards: Can you help Michael Moore and Whoopi Goldberg with a little basic grooming?

    To Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Bono, etc.: We still like your music,
    but if you ever want to sell another record, just sing and don't go where
    you don't know. We don't pay to hear Colin Powell or Condie Rice do air
    guitar either.

    To George Soros: Want to buy an election? Not in
    *MY* America, you monomaniacal, socialistic buffoon.

    To the Mainstream Media: Congratulations on getting Kerry at least thirty
    more electoral votes than he would have gotten without your covert support.
    Imagine how badly he would have lost if you were actually unbiased.

    To the United Nations: Your worst nightmare will continue for another four
    years. Deal with it.

    To Howard "I Have A Scream" Dean: stick with something you understand; like
    proctology for instance.

    To Richard Holbrooke: learn to tell a joke. Learn to laugh at one. Gawd.

    To John Zogby: monster.com will post your resume.

    To Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Robert Scheer, and your minor league
    imitators, Greg Plast and Mark Morford: you have no red states readers.

    To Teddy Kennedy: sigh, it's still the blonde in the pond that leads your
    highlight reel.

    To Ron Reagan "Junior:" Do you have talent for anything? Nexxxxxxxxxxxxxxt
    ...?

    To the Exit Pollsters: As long as you keep skewing the results in an attempt
    to influence the election, we'll keep lying to you. If you quit, so will we.
    Deal?

    To Osama bin Laden: Bring it on, you sonofabitch, What's that? The only
    attack you can muster now is on videotape? Hmm... No surprise there, I
    guess.

    To Teresa HEINZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Kerry: teaching is a real job. The
    Teachers Union, who supported your husband, can clarify any continuing
    confusion. Oh, and it's not a "real job" to sleep with a third generation
    ketchup heir and then cash the plane crash check.

    To the European Union: See message for Michael Moore.

    To Terry McAuliffe: See message for Dan Rather. And pay a little attention
    to what Zell Miller reminds us of: 20 Democratic senators from the south in
    1960 and only six from the GOP. Today, 22 Republicans and four Dems.

    To MoveOn.org: See message for George Soros

    To James Carville: you're the only guy who seems to get it; and you're very
    smart. Good luck finding an audience that's neither medicated nor mendacious.

    And finally, to John Kerry: Thank you for reporting for duty. You are hereby
    dismissed
     
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  2. nakedemperor
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    nakedemperor Senior Member

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    Wrastlin' with Rtwngavngr for the best Bullypulpit immitation...its a close one...
     
  3. NATO AIR
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    NATO AIR Senior Member

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    when did bono bash bush or support kerry?

    he and bush have worked together on aids and debt relief since bush came into office...
     
  4. musicman
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    musicman Senior Member

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    Wow, man. Either you don't get Merlin and RWA, or you don't get Bully.
     
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  5. nakedemperor
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    nakedemperor Senior Member

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    Or none!
     
  6. musicman
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    musicman Senior Member

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    LOL! Fair enough.
     
  7. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    ???? You sure you have this posted in the right thread? :dunno:
     
  8. acludem
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    acludem VIP Member

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    This is my response to Merlin's original post...mine start with ---. You might actually enjoy:


    To Michael Moore: Sit down and shut up... And do something about your hair.
    And the ball cap.

    ---Did you see him on the Tonight Show? He shaved, had a suit and tie on and cut his hair? "If you can't be 'em, you might as well look like 'em?

    To Jimmy Carter: big mistake to sit down and shut up next to Michael Moore
    at the convention. Spend more time with drywall and the glue gun.

    ---Don't you hope your as active as Jimmy Carter is when he is your age?

    To Tom Daschle: If you lean too far to the left, voters will tend to lean
    right for a while, but will eventually push you out of the boat.
    ---Leaning to the left wasn't his problem, he leaned to far right and didn't give voters any reason to retain him.

    To Al Gore: Please, sir, before it's too late ... Seek an experienced mental
    health professional. You're beginning to make Christopher Lloyd in "Back To
    The Future" look downright Rotarian-like.
    ---Al Gore is doing just fine making speeches and collecting his government pension thank you.

    To Dan Rather: Enjoy your early retirement. The next memo you get will be
    real.
    ---Dan Rather was going to retire anyway. Tom Brokaw did, and we all know what Tom does, Dan does.

    To the DNC: Your platform must not have lurched far enough to the left. Keep
    it tilting southpaw. Read more Marx. P.S. Keep insulting the voters with
    your moral and intellectual condescension too. It goes well with that warp
    speed registering of folks in plaid wool blankets pushing shopping carts.
    Lovely constituency.
    ---actually you are right, we should have moved further to left, especially on environment, education, health care, and the economy. We didn't effectively present a strong alternative to Bush.

    To Bill Clinton: Thanks for hitting the campaign trail for Kerry. Some of us
    needed a reminder of what we were trying to avoid.

    ---To Bill: Good luck on your continued recovery. You led our nation through eight years of peace and prosperity, so far your predecessor has had war and recession.

    To Hillary Clinton: PLEASE run in '08. The Heartland will be hungry for
    more hors d'oeuvres by then.
    ---To Hill: Run if you want, but I have a different, far better candidate in mind.

    To the MTV Kidz: Vote or die - or not. Like, whatever, dude.
    ---Vote again in 2006 and 2008 if you did this year, if not vote then.

    To John "Breck Girl" Edwards: Can you help Michael Moore and Whoopi Goldberg with a little basic grooming?

    --Michael Moore now looks like Dennis Hastert. Whoopi is just Whoopi.

    To Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Bono, etc.: We still like your music,
    but if you ever want to sell another record, just sing and don't go where
    you don't know. We don't pay to hear Colin Powell or Condie Rice do air
    guitar either.

    ---Keep singing, keep fighting. We'll win in 2008.

    To George Soros: Want to buy an election? Not in
    *MY* America, you monomaniacal, socialistic buffoon.
    ---Now here's the pot calling the kettle black. Republicans buy elections constantly with large sums of corporate money.

    To the Mainstream Media: Congratulations on getting Kerry at least thirty
    more electoral votes than he would have gotten without your covert support.
    Imagine how badly he would have lost if you were actually unbiased.
    ---To the mainstream media, thanks for skewing your coverage so pro-Bush as to make it nearly impossible for Kerry to even come as close as he did. And go ahead an admit to the country who your real masters are, the large, Republican-funding, corporations like General Electric that own you.

    To the United Nations: Your worst nightmare will continue for another four
    years. Deal with it.
    ---To the U.N. never give up on the dream of world peace. Put up with Dubya's loudmouthed B.S. for another few years.

    To Howard "I Have A Scream" Dean: stick with something you understand; like
    proctology for instance.
    ---Howard Dean may just be the new DNC chair soon. We'll see.

    To Richard Holbrooke: learn to tell a joke. Learn to laugh at one. Gawd.
    ---To Richard Holbrooke: I unfortunately agree with this one.


    To John Zogby: monster.com will post your resume.
    ---To Zogby, get some new data collectors.

    To Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Robert Scheer, and your minor league
    imitators, Greg Plast and Mark Morford: you have no red states readers.
    ---To Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, you have listeners in all states, because people in the blue states actually have open minds.

    To Teddy Kennedy: sigh, it's still the blonde in the pond that leads your
    highlight reel.
    ---To Sen. Kennedy: Thank you for your long and great service to our country. Your leadership is invaluable. Keep fighting the good fight in the U.S. Senate.

    To Ron Reagan "Junior:" Do you have talent for anything? Nexxxxxxxxxxxxxxt
    ...?
    ---To Ron: You are a fine journalist and television host. You have the ability to be a moderate version of, well, I won't do you the diservice of comparing you to some right wing radio talking head.

    To the Exit Pollsters: As long as you keep skewing the results in an attempt
    to influence the election, we'll keep lying to you. If you quit, so will we.
    Deal?

    To the Pollsters: Next time try and get an accurate sample, if you had, I'd have gone to bed three hours earlier.

    To Osama bin Laden: Bring it on, you sonofabitch, What's that? The only
    attack you can muster now is on videotape? Hmm... No surprise there, I
    guess.

    ---To bin Laden: You will be found, tried, and convicted unless you shrivel up and die first, and frankly that would just save us a lot of time and money, so please don't hesitate.

    To Teresa HEINZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Kerry: teaching is a real job. The
    Teachers Union, who supported your husband, can clarify any continuing
    confusion. Oh, and it's not a "real job" to sleep with a third generation
    ketchup heir and then cash the plane crash check.
    ---To Teresa: Thank you for your sense of humor, intelligence, and class. Thanks for being you and not being someone you are not.


    To the European Union: See message for Michael Moore.
    ---To the E.U. - your Euro is kicking the dollar's ass right now, you must be enjoying that.

    To Terry McAuliffe: See message for Dan Rather. And pay a little attention
    to what Zell Miller reminds us of: 20 Democratic senators from the south in
    1960 and only six from the GOP. Today, 22 Republicans and four Dems.
    ---To Terry, good luck in your future endeavors. I can't say as I'm sorry to see you go.

    To MoveOn.org: See message for George Soros
    ---To Moveon: I am and will continue to be a member. I admire your hard work. Don't stop the fight.

    To James Carville: you're the only guy who seems to get it; and you're very
    smart. Good luck finding an audience that's neither medicated nor mendacious.
    ---To James Carville: You are a lot of fun to watch, and almost always right.

    And finally, to John Kerry: Thank you for reporting for duty. You are hereby
    dismissed
    ---To John Kerry: Thank you for running a strong, hard fought campaign. You made it close in spite of a pro-war, pro-Bush media trashing you at every turn. You were in an uphill battle the whole time and almost came out on top. I know you will continue to be a fighter for America in the Senate.

    There's my version.

    acludem
     
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  9. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    Leave it to you to f up a perfectly good joke.
     
  10. musicman
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    musicman Senior Member

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    True that. Reminds me of the story of a father who tells his teenaged son, "I just heard a great joke. A guy walks up to a foursome on the golf course and says, ' Do you guys mind if I play through? I just got word that my wife is extremely sick.' ". The teenager, puzzled, replies, "Shouldn't he have gone straight home, then?"
     

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