Some of My Favorite Bible Verses - Paraphrased

[IndependntLogic]

Okay, I've paraphrased some of my favorate verses into modern language.


* Whomever you would consider to be the lowest among you (people of differing faith or orientation, perhaps?), they may be the greatest. Treat them as such.
* Don't love only people who are and believe just like you. Even the lowlifes can do that. Love those you would be tempted to hate.
* No matter how different someone is or what they have done, forgive them. This is the ultimate strength.
* Don't worry about the beliefs or actions of other people. You're so screwed up, you need to just worry about your own self.
* If you want to point your finger at someone's actions that's fine. Just make sure you have never done anything wrong in your life and it's all good. So it's not like your "sins" are of better quality than someone else's.
* Any time you refuse to help someone you could have helped, you've missed a chance to make your life better, richer and more fulfilling. You've screwed up.
* Self-righteous people are <okay fine, edited> Jerks! Vipers! (My apologies to those who were offended).
* Go for your goals with everything you have!
* But keep in mind, if you achieve all your goals and have everything, but you're not a loving person, you've got nothing.


How about yours?

 

[koshergrl]

Sooo..do you think that's an improvement on the original text?

 

[hortysir]

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God



And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD

 

[Cenotaph]

"But those enemies of mine who do did not want me to be king over them--bring them here and kill them in front of me." Luke 19:27

This was apparently said by Jesus...

EDIT: I was absolutely horrified to have read this because it seems rather uncharacteristic of him and goes against most of his teachings. This seems like a rather inappropriate thread to share it in, but I really felt like bringing it up.

There's also no real reason to paraphrase due to its rather blunt nature...

 

[koshergrl]

He came to bring a sword. People who forget that will suffer in the end.

 

[IndependntLogic]

Sooo..do you think that's an improvement on the original text?

Soooooo... can you ever just add to a discussion instead of well.... nm.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God

Gotta love John. No nativity or virgin birth or ancestry or even parables! His target audience was like the "New Thought" churches of today. Very cerebral and spiritual.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD

I'm not as big a fan of the OT but I love proverbs and there is stuff in a lot from the minor prophets that speaks strongly to me.
A lot of it boils down to:

Is what you're about to do, a good thing or a bad thing? Are you choosing a path that you know is bad for you and others? WHY???

Sort of the OT version of WWJD.

 

[koshergrl]

What discussion? You bastardized biblical verses, as if your own profane version was an improvement.

It's not.

 

[IndependntLogic]

He came to bring a sword. People who forget that will suffer in the end.

Really? He literally came to bring an iron weapon? What was he going to do with it?

What discussion? You bastardized biblical verses, as if your own profane version was an improvement.

It's not.

Have you ever had a positive discussion with people? It's actually fun to exchange ideas with people. I mean, obviously you get a lot of gratification from well, what you do but have you even considered being positive once in a while? Just a thought.

As to your comment, apparently you think Jesus was sent to Earth to be an arms dealer. That's unique.

The rest of us are discussing what verses mean to us.

 

[IndependntLogic]

"But those enemies of mine who do did not want me to be king over them--bring them here and kill them in front of me." Luke 19:27

This was apparently said by Jesus...

EDIT: I was absolutely horrified to have read this because it seems rather uncharacteristic of him and goes against most of his teachings. This seems like a rather inappropriate thread to share it in, but I really felt like bringing it up.

There's also no real reason to paraphrase due to its rather blunt nature...

A perfectly reasonable post and a refreshingly civil way to present it.

Jesus was not referring to Himself. He was just telling a parable. The main character of the parable was a newly crowned king who had been characterized as extremely harsh. Unlike many parables, Jesus actually unwraps the mystery of this one in plain words: Those who excel will get even more. Those who do nothing will find they are likely what they do have, slip from their hands. Pretty accurate stuff.

 

[American Horse]

Psalm 118:24

This is the day the LORD has made. Let's rejoice and be glad in it!

 

[IndependntLogic]

Psalm 118:24

This is the day the LORD has made. Let's rejoice and be glad in it!

One of my favorites! How great is a verse that simply says:

Be Happy.

 

[koshergrl]

He came to bring a sword. People who forget that will suffer in the end.

Really? He literally came to bring an iron weapon? What was he going to do with it?

What discussion? You bastardized biblical verses, as if your own profane version was an improvement.

It's not.

Have you ever had a positive discussion with people? It's actually fun to exchange ideas with people. I mean, obviously you get a lot of gratification from well, what you do but have you even considered being positive once in a while? Just a thought.

As to your comment, apparently you think Jesus was sent to Earth to be an arms dealer. That's unique.

The rest of us are discussing what verses mean to us.

Why on earth would I think that somebody paraphrased the bible to say "Self righteous people are dicks!" among other things wanted to have a *civil* discussion about it?

If you want to have a civil discussion about the bible, you might try to treat it with respect. Otherwise, meh.

Also, I find it interesting that while you like paraphrasing the Word to mean all sorts of bizarro things, when faced with the someone else's quote, you get up in arms, so to speak, and start sneering.

So again, what would the point be of being civil? Are you being civil?

Nope.

 

[IndependntLogic]

He came to bring a sword. People who forget that will suffer in the end.

Really? He literally came to bring an iron weapon? What was he going to do with it?

What discussion? You bastardized biblical verses, as if your own profane version was an improvement.

It's not.

Have you ever had a positive discussion with people? It's actually fun to exchange ideas with people. I mean, obviously you get a lot of gratification from well, what you do but have you even considered being positive once in a while? Just a thought.

As to your comment, apparently you think Jesus was sent to Earth to be an arms dealer. That's unique.

The rest of us are discussing what verses mean to us.

Why on earth would I think that somebody paraphrased the bible to say "Self righteous people are dicks!" among other things wanted to have a *civil* discussion about it?

If you want to have a civil discussion about the bible, you might try to treat it with respect. Otherwise, meh.

Also, I find it interesting that while you like paraphrasing the Word to mean all sorts of bizarro things, when faced with the someone else's quote, you get up in arms, so to speak, and start sneering.

So again, what would the point be of being civil? Are you being civil?

Nope.

I didn't say YOU are self-righteous and yet you immediately bring up that one verse and get personally rattled. Notice how no one else did?
Jesus was referring to the Pharisees in the verse in which I refer the "Self-Righteous". He called them vipers - which was pretty much as low as you could go.
My abject apologies if for some reason, you thought that was meant for you.

So you quoted the verse about the sword. Would you care to explain what you think it means or don't you know? I'd be happy to share my views on that particular reference, if you come up empty!

As far as "bizzaro meanings, would you like me to cite the specific verses and see if there is any other possible meaning they could have?
We could discuss it! And be friends!
C'monnnn let be Best Friends!

<<<<<<Hug for my new BFF KosherGirl>>>>>>>>>

 

[hortysir]

Joshua 5:
13 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, &#8220;Are you for us or for our enemies?&#8221;
14 &#8220;Neither,&#8221; he replied, &#8220;but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.&#8221; Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, &#8220;What message does my Lord have for his servant?&#8221;
15 The commander of the Lord&#8217;s army replied, &#8220;Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.&#8221; And Joshua did so.

 

[Ariux]

Okay, I've paraphrased some of my favorate verses into modern language.


* Whomever you would consider to be the lowest among you (people of differing faith or orientation, perhaps?), they may be the greatest. Treat them as such.

Jesus was referring to a child when he he mentioned the "least among you." Children are distinguished by innocence. Fags are distinguished by perversion. So, no, Jesus didn't mean fags. He also didn't mean people of other faiths. And, too bad for you, he also didn't mean people with skulls full of shit.

Here's one my favorite verses in modern language:

* God hates fags.

 

[Cenotaph]

Okay, I've paraphrased some of my favorate verses into modern language.


* Whomever you would consider to be the lowest among you (people of differing faith or orientation, perhaps?), they may be the greatest. Treat them as such.

Jesus was referring to a child when he he mentioned the "least among you." Children are distinguished by innocence. Fags are distinguished by perversion. So, no, Jesus didn't mean fags. He also didn't mean people of other faiths. And, too bad for you, he also didn't mean people with skulls full of shit.

Here's one my favorite verses in modern language:

* God hates fags.

IndependentLogic didn't say anything about "fags."

 

[IndependntLogic]

Okay, I've paraphrased some of my favorate verses into modern language.


* Whomever you would consider to be the lowest among you (people of differing faith or orientation, perhaps?), they may be the greatest. Treat them as such.

Jesus was referring to a child when he he mentioned the "least among you." Children are distinguished by innocence. Fags are distinguished by perversion. So, no, Jesus didn't mean fags. He also didn't mean people of other faiths. And, too bad for you, he also didn't mean people with skulls full of shit.

Here's one my favorite verses in modern language:

* God hates fags.

I see.
So you would be a "Christian" then?
And this post would reflect what Christians like you, are like?
You would be an example of God's love?
I feel sorry for you.
I hope that everything you could ever wish for, becomes yours.

 

[IndependntLogic]

BTW, if anyone is interested in intelligent, civil discussions on religion, someone started a new group:

http://www.usmessageboard.com/groups/religious-study.html

The rules are very simple. You can use humor, take things lightly, be of any religion or we would gladly welcome atheists and agnostics as well - but no insults and hostility.

For example: If you were to post "IMO Jesus made it clear that self-righteous people were dicks". that's fine. But if you write "You're a dick" then you're out.
If you write "Buddhism seems to have the goal of ignoring everything that makes us human." You're fine.
If you write "Atheists are a bunch of amoral prlcks" you're out.

So those who never contribute anything of substance and come into every thread just to sling petty insults wouldn't fit in with the superior level of discourse found there. This is a place for more elevated discussions. Friendly banter, light sarcasm direct challenges are all fine. BS walks.
Hope to see a few of you there.

 

[hortysir]

 

[syrenn]

Don't lust after the neighbors wife... but feel free to lust after any husband you see fit to lust after.