Discussion in 'Humor' started by Colin, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. Colin

    Colin Gold Member

    Aug 11, 2009
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    Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.
    Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

    A couple had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife
    was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

    It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
    the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
    under the sofa.

    Terrified, she let out a very loud scream.

    The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to
    see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

    He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

    About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.

    He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

    His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up,
    told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

    The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests,
    loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

    About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and one
    of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it and dropped his
    end of the stretcher. That's when the husband broke his leg and why
    he is still in the hospital.

    The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on
    a neighbour who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with
    a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided
    it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

    But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where
    she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted,
    the snake rushed back under the sofa.

    The neighbour man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use
    CPR to revive her.

    The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
    grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth
    and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of
    canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where
    it needed stitches.

    The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour
    lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake
    had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey,
    and began pouring it down the man's throat.

    By now, the police had arrived.

    They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed
    that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all,
    when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

    The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife.

    Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one
    of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and
    hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered
    and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

    The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
    window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out
    and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it
    and smashed into the parked police car.

    Meanwhile, neighbours saw the burning drapes and called in the fire
    department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they
    were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires,
    put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square
    city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

    Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
    repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was
    right with their world.

    A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a
    cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they
    should bring in their plants for the night.

    And that's when he shot her.
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