Smile

[Sky Dancer]

It's a Buddhaful thing to do

 

[Avatar4321]

that pun was bad

 

[techieny]

Bad pun but GREAT intention. Thanks Sky

 

[Mr. H.]

It's one thing to smile yourself, but to make another person smile is a gift to you both.

 

[Sky Dancer]

A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved."

The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out of the sky and saved him.

He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.

 

[Sky Dancer]

How many Madhayamka scholars does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four:
One to scew it in.
One to not screw it in.
One to both screw it in and not screw it in.
One too neither screw it in nor not screw it in.

How many Gelugpas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three:
2 to have a debate about the nature of light and 1 to twist the bulb

How many Sakyapas?
Two:
1 to write the instructions and the auto-commentary, 1 to twist the bulb

How many Kagyupas?
One:
But he has to spend years and years sealed in a cave first.

How many Nyingmapas?
One:
But he has to dig up the instructions to find out the bulb is already in.

How many Bonpos?
One:
But their bulbs screw in the other direction.

 

[Mr. H.]

I got nothing against Buddha, but what is it about a statue of a fat guy with a shit-eating grin on his face? I don't get it. We've got one outside our back door. Sits on an overturned whiskey barrel in the garden. It's hollow (probably made in China) so we hide the door key in his ass end.

I took my brother to the eye clinic today because he needed a driver home. They had to scrape some calcium deposits off his cornea.

Anyway- we get in the elvator, and it's just the two of us and a tiny elderly lady. My brother pushes the button. The lady says "floor 2 please". He pushes 2.

I said "8". Well the building has 4 floors. The lady busted out laughing.

My brother and I get off the elevator and he said that I was stupid for saying that.

So I said "you know what- that may be the only time in that lady's entire week that she had a good belly laugh. That's why I said what I did. Just to brighten a stranger's day".

That's what it's all about folks.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Why are there no good Buddhist blues guitarists?
They have no soul.

 

[Sky Dancer]

“A Zen master once said to me, ‘Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.’ So I didn't.”

 

[Mr. H.]

I do like these quotes and quips, but does anybody have some stories of Zen/Buddha stuff that you pull off by yourself?

Like oh I helped somebody? The fantasy stuff is cool but - anything going on there in the world?

 

[Wiseacre]

Smile, it makes people wonder what you've been up to.

 

[Mr. H.]

Smile, it makes people wonder what you've been up to.

That's the ticket.

 

[JStone]

I got nothing against Buddha, but what is it about a statue of a fat guy with a shit-eating grin on his face?

What is it about an illiterate, cave-dwelling pedophile and caravan hijacker named muhammad?

 

[Mr. H.]

I got nothing against Buddha, but what is it about a statue of a fat guy with a shit-eating grin on his face?

What is it about an illiterate, cave-dwelling pedophile and caravan hijacker named muhammad?

What is it about shower radios?
Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

 

[Unkotare]

I got nothing against Buddha, but what is it about a statue of a fat guy with a shit-eating grin on his face?

What is it about an illiterate, cave-dwelling pedophile and caravan hijacker named muhammad?

Don't worry, don't worry, we didn't forget you're a fucking bigot. You can clam down now.

 

[Unkotare]

I got nothing against Buddha, but what is it about a statue of a fat guy with a shit-eating grin on his face? I don't get it. .

Not fer nothin' but you missed the mark by a mile.

 

[Dr.Drock]

I thought Sky wasn't a buddhist anymore?

 

[Mr. H.]

I got nothing against Buddha, but what is it about a statue of a fat guy with a shit-eating grin on his face? I don't get it. .

Not fer nothin' but you missed the mark by a mile.

It's a glorified good luck charm?

 

[Sky Dancer]

The "fat buddha" is a Taoist wealth deity. Chinese Taoists have several Wealth Gods and also regard the 8 Immortals and Laughing Buddha as auspicious beings whose presence in the home either on paintings or on decorative items attracts wealth luck.

Taoist gods popular with the Chinese even today are the Kitchen God, the Door God, the Earth God, the God of Wealth and the Nine Emperor Gods, to name a few.

The Laughing Buddha is regarded as one of the gods of wealth, as it brings prosperity, success and financial gains to the occupants in the house, shop or restaurant.



Chinese feng-shui beliefs:

The placement of the Laughing Buddha is very important. It has to sit at a height of approximately 30 inches, and should be facing directly at the main door. Hence, a visitors "energy" entering from the main door is greeted by the Laughing Buddha and the energy is activated to become more auspicious.

 

[Mr. H.]

Thanks for clarifying. I didn't know that.
I don't mind being on the butt end of a joke.