Smart People

Discussion in 'Humor' started by CrimsonWhite, Sep 12, 2006.

  1. CrimsonWhite
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    CrimsonWhite *****istrator Emeritus Supporting Member

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    These folks should make you feel extremely intelligent.

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?


    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
    live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
    then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
    which is why I would not live forever,"


    -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .


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    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
    all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
    to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
    death and stuff."
    --Mariah Carey




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    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
    important part of your life,"
    -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
    Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .




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    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
    of my body,"
    -- Winston Bennett,
    University of Kentucky basketball forward .




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    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
    lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


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    "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
    our papers. We are the president."
    -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
    subpoenaed documents.


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    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
    by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
    --A congressional candidate in Texas .


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    "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


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    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
    the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    --Al Gore, Vice President
    And
    "We are ready for an unforeseen event that
    may or may not occur."
    -- Al Gore, VP



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    "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
    -- Dan Quayle




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    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
    clean air do we need ?"
    --Lee Iacocca




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    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
    genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.




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    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
    certain types of people."
    -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .




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    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    --Bill Clinton, President



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    "Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come
    from overseas."
    --Keppel Enderbery


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    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective
    March 1992 because we received notice that
    you passed away. May God bless you. You may
    reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
    --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina


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    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
    in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
    heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
    they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
     
  2. Hagbard Celine
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    Hagbard Celine Senior Member

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    Hey I saw a couple of Clinton gaffes, but where's all the dumbass sh*t Bush has said over the years?

    You know,

    "I saw it on the Internets."

    "Fool me once, shame-on, shame-on y-y-you... Ya fool me can't get fooled again."

    "We try to put food on our children."

    "Our enemies work hard to harm Americans. And so do we."

    "Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction."

    Why aren't you being "fair and balanced." :huh:
     
  3. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    Mariah Carey. Wow.
     
  4. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushquotes/a/topbushisms2005.htm

    knock yourself out
     
  5. CrimsonWhite
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    CrimsonWhite *****istrator Emeritus Supporting Member

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    This was a joke. Just laugh at it and move on. Not everything has to be "fair and balanced."
     
  6. Hagbard Celine
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    Hagbard Celine Senior Member

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    Oh sorry Spock.
     
  7. CrimsonWhite
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    CrimsonWhite *****istrator Emeritus Supporting Member

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    Guess you didn't catch the sarcasm.
     

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