Sith Underworld: Civilization Egg-Hunt

Discussion in 'The Garage' started by Abishai100, Jul 18, 2018.

  1. Abishai100

    Abishai100 VIP Member

    Sep 22, 2013
    Thanks Received:
    Trophy Points:
    Does modern civilization remind you of the Scarecrow?

    This yarn was inspired by Gremlins...



    An Easter egg-hunt was being planned by community members by the lawn and land of an abandoned eerie house/mansion said to be haunted by the spirit of an American psycho who killed cops with a chainsaw. This egg-hunt was supposed to be cool and mysterious and fun but it turned out to be a nightmare when the egg-hunters discovered there were psychos still inhabiting the abandoned house/mansion.


    A letter was received by the FBI two weeks later.

    "We are the Dead Rabbits. We've been organizing ourselves since the 1960s. We are nearly perfect now! We intend to use mayhem and carnage to turn this planet into a playground for insanity and anarchy. Our mission is simple --- complete subversion. We believe we were chosen by the Dark Lord to bring this special mission for a modern age obsessed with trivialities like smartphones and Facebook. We also believe we are the real Sith (the 'fictional' underworld 'priests' from the 'Old Republic' in George Lucas's space-opera war-adventure fantasy franchise Star Wars!). If you do not turn over the First Lady (Melania Trump) to us by October 1, we will detonate the White House. Good luck..."


    As the FBI scurried to manage this terrible crisis, one FBI agent named Bruce Wayne the Dead Rabbits (the 'Sith') were spread out across the globe and concentrated in America and included members who were celebrities, politicians, doctors/professionals, post-office workers, Satanists, musicians, vagrants/homeless, and even cops. The 'Sith' wanted to create anarchy, as their 'special letter indicated' and Bruce believed they wanted to use violence and murder as 'diadems' of complete species paranoia. Bruce advised that the FBI secure sectors of D.C. while he and other cops/agents explore possible hide-outs where Sith members were sheltering.


    After the FBI gave agent Wayne a special commendation for his highly-useful theories regarding the Sith (the Dead Rabbits), Wayne decided to use the media to lure them out to create safe-spaces where public exposure and dialogue would create 'arenas' of police-control. Wayne sent an editorial to the Washington Post that summer indicating that the 'Sith' (the Dead Rabbits) intended to terrorize the White House and kidnap the First Lady (Melania Trump) on October 1 unless the whole world submitted to their dubious 'authority.' In the editorial, Agent Wayne claimed that these 'Sith' (the Dead Rabbits) were (for some insane reason) paranoid/insane about modern media spotlights on traffic humor/sarcasm and political sarcasm (e.g., political cartoons, Mad Magazine's Spy vs. Spy, MySpace/Facebook jokes, The Lampoon, MTV, etc.).


    After Agent Wayne submitted the published editorial to the Post, he decided to research Star Wars literature regarding the Sith. According to Star Wars lore, the Sith were a seething underworld minion 'club' comprised of demonic 'anti-knights' who believed fascism was a 'cure' to mental frailty. The Sith wielded red-laser swords called light-sabres to contrast the bright blue-and-green light-sabres wielded by the galactic democracy-defending 'good-knights' known as the Jedi. The Jedi represented democracy, while the Sith represented terrorism. Wayne concluded that the Dead Rabbits believed they were the 'real Sith' because they seemed to be united by some self-proclaimed vigilantism crusade to 'cleanse' Earth of its 'consumerism flaws.'


    Agent Wayne immediately concluded that the 'Sith' (the Dead Rabbits) would want to attack a large public venue such as a Lollapalooza outdoor modern alternative-rock concert or an NFL Super Bowl game or perhaps even the Boston Marathon (which had oddly-enough already been struck by terrorism!). Wayne advised the FBI to prepare for any situation/news about a random and terrible act/deed of anti-social violence geared towards media panic, hysteria, and of course social anarchy. Wayne worried about countless college students being threatened by the 'Sith' while enjoying a harmless summer rock-music concert outdoors or near a large city!


    American film-makers were exploring relevant modernism-paranoia sub-culture themes/stories about demonic cults and monsters terrorizing our pedestrian sensibilities about commerce, consumerism, capitalism (and coffee!). These films included Priest, The Purge: Anarchy, Fight Club, The Strangers, Virus, Ghost in the Machine, and Justice League. Agent Wayne wondered how many of these 'symbolic films' were being viewed by the Dead Rabbits (the 'Sith').


    As technology and media continued to develop, there were countless ads, cartoons, comics, and toys symbolizing our new age fascination with automation, production, electronic music, and pedestrian traffic. Capitalism was something that required serious management and was not merely a profit-system as many tycoons and Wall Street sharks claimed. Agent Wayne wondered if there was any connection between the Sith letter to the FBI and the Easter egg-hunt by the house/mansion Sith members seemed to be hiding in and using as a 'stakeout-spot' to look for pedestrian activity (such as an Easter egg-hunt) to terrorize! Wayne muttered to himself, "Maybe the 'Sith' wants us to wish that their entire subversive collective was simply 'easily-managed' toy robots that kids would like!"


    A good Christian will tell you that the Book of Revelation describes a Great Tribulation at the prophetic End of Days in which the AntiChrist will ascend to Earth to seduce humanity away from the responsibilities of civil labors. Perhaps such an 'AntiChrist' might be an unruly movie-star making indulgent films about capitalism vanities and avarice. Media does, after all, reach the masses rather efficiently...and that's what concerned FBI Agent Bruce Wayne the most. Could the 'Sith' (the Dead Rabbits) actually be, ironically enough, 'messengers' of modern civilization cynicism?


    GOD: I like Agent Bruce Wayne.
    SATAN: What do you make of the Sith?
    GOD: I appreciate Star Wars storytellers...
    SATAN: Well, the Dead Rabbits have taken things personally.
    GOD: Yes, they seem to believe they are the 'real Sith.'
    SATAN: Are they?
    GOD: Only if you believe the Sith represent psychological rage.
    SATAN: Is rage legal?
    GOD: If it's artistic and non-violent, then there's nothing wrong with it.
    SATAN: Maybe Star Wars movies can create psychiatric safe-spaces!
    GOD: People are ashamed to talk about uncomfortable feelings.
    SATAN: It's simply easier to resort to crime, anarchy, and terrorism.
    GOD: Maybe the Trump Administration needs to 'reach out' to the people.
    SATAN: As a capitalism-diplomat, President Trump needs to endorse traffic.
    GOD: Trump should praise, eTrade, and Microsoft!
    SATAN: Do you think the Easter egg-hunt by the eerie house/mansion was a trap?
    GOD: It may have been some kind of 'message-placement conspiracy.'
    SATAN: The Dead Rabbits (the 'Sith') are either Neanderthals or very insane...
    GOD: We have to create faith in civilization(!).
    SATAN: Let's go watch Police Academy on Netflix...




Share This Page