Single vs Married

[Lumpy 1]

Triple digits... oh yah...

 

[High_Gravity]

Married with children is the best.

All around me, I see attractive, smart people staying single well into their 30s. Or they get married but don't have kids. I think this is a recipe for great future unhappiness. You'll be sitting there for Thanksgiving when you're 63... by your freakin' SELF? Eating a frozen dinner? Huh? Or with your spouse and NO KIDS?

Blugh. That sounds lonely, cold, miserable, deathly gray.

Yes, marriage has annoyances. But they are part of life. We have been taught that marriage must be perfect... nah. Every human being has flaws that make them unattractive. Marriage is about finding a person you can live with, not a person who gives you perpetual perfect bliss.

Life is about living with others. The solo existence just cannot be that happy. For a select few, maybe... and some have no choice - spouse died, they couldn't find another, relatives died off, etc.

Single was OK. I certainly liked fucking the hot girls I dated. One disappointment about marriage has been the absolute drop-off in sex. I do think I'm not alone in this, and I think we need to do something about this issue. It might just be too pressing of an issue to keep the status quo (let off some pressure by some European-style acceptance of mistresses?) Though I see infidelity is usually bad, and I have stayed loyal.

I also think people need to work a little harder at being better to their spouses -- all of us.

This is probably the best post I have seen from you William.

 

[High_Gravity]

Married with children is the best.

All around me, I see attractive, smart people staying single well into their 30s. Or they get married but don't have kids. I think this is a recipe for great future unhappiness. You'll be sitting there for Thanksgiving when you're 63... by your freakin' SELF? Eating a frozen dinner? Huh? Or with your spouse and NO KIDS?

Blugh. That sounds lonely, cold, miserable, deathly gray.

Yes, marriage has annoyances. But they are part of life. We have been taught that marriage must be perfect... nah. Every human being has flaws that make them unattractive. Marriage is about finding a person you can live with, not a person who gives you perpetual perfect bliss.

Life is about living with others. The solo existence just cannot be that happy. For a select few, maybe... and some have no choice - spouse died, they couldn't find another, relatives died off, etc.

Single was OK. I certainly liked fucking the hot girls I dated. One disappointment about marriage has been the absolute drop-off in sex. I do think I'm not alone in this, and I think we need to do something about this issue. It might just be too pressing of an issue to keep the status quo (let off some pressure by some European-style acceptance of mistresses?) Though I see infidelity is usually bad, and I have stayed loyal.

I also think people need to work a little harder at being better to their spouses -- all of us.

You know, I've never had children and here's why. When I was younger, the only reason I could think of for having children was so I wouldn't be alone in old age. But that didn't seem like a valid reason to bring human life into the world. Not to mention seeing how kids just stuff parents into old folks' homes.
I want to be like the woman down the street from me. She lived alone in a little white house. Her husband had died and her kids were off living their own lives somewhere else. When she got to the point where she was having some trouble getting around, she sold her house and moved into a senior home we have for residents of the state. I thought that was pretty cool. She was running the show, not being shuffled around by kids to whom she has become a burden.

I toured that senior home when we were considering it for my dad, and it is pretty cool. If I find myself alone some day and needing assistance, why I believe I'll check myself in there also, and make a bunch of friends to wile away my final years with.

You are 100% right, old people are treated very poorly in this country, I have been overseas in the Military and older people are respected and treated very well in their old age and their families really make accomodations to take care of them. Here in the US old people are tossed aside and thrown into nursing homes, even by their own children, plus taking care of an older person is very expensive and most people just don't want to put in the time or money, its very sad and I dread the time when I get old and have to rely on others to take care of me.

 

[High_Gravity]

You know, I've never had children and here's why. When I was younger, the only reason I could think of for having children was so I wouldn't be alone in old age. But that didn't seem like a valid reason to bring human life into the world. Not to mention seeing how kids just stuff parents into old folks' homes.

I want to be like the woman down the street from me. She lived alone in a little white house. Her husband had died and her kids were off living their own lives somewhere else. When she got to the point where she was having some trouble getting around, she sold her house and moved into a senior home we have for residents of the state. I thought that was pretty cool. She was running the show, not being shuffled around by kids to whom she has become a burden.

I toured that senior home when we were considering it for my dad, and it is pretty cool. If I find myself alone some day and needing assistance, why I believe I'll check myself in there also, and make a bunch of friends to wile away my final years with.

You're applauding yourself for NOT having children?

5 bucks says you're white.
Whites think of any and all reasons NOT to have children. Including not having them, then adopting a "child of color" from somewhere. Every other group doesn't even think about it... they just have them. Which of these groups will be around in the future?

I don't think there's anything "selfish" about having children... just the opposite.

By the way, I've heard snotty white couples say they're not having children because "it's bad for the environment." Sheesh. I want to smack these people.

I also don't think there's anything "cool" about a nursing home, though I realize they're necessities.

Not necessarily William, I know quite a few Black young professionals who are either single or married but with no children and want to hold off on having kids until they are older, more financially stable and ready to just settle down and dedicate themselves to raising children, and some of them just aren't interested and don't want to sacrifice their freedom for a marriage or children. I think our society in general is less tolerant of children and realy is running out of patience to deal with them, for example look at the airlines and restaurants who want to ban children, I never heard of such a thing growing up and I think its very telling.

 

[MaggieMae]

You know, I've never had children and here's why. When I was younger, the only reason I could think of for having children was so I wouldn't be alone in old age. But that didn't seem like a valid reason to bring human life into the world. Not to mention seeing how kids just stuff parents into old folks' homes.

I want to be like the woman down the street from me. She lived alone in a little white house. Her husband had died and her kids were off living their own lives somewhere else. When she got to the point where she was having some trouble getting around, she sold her house and moved into a senior home we have for residents of the state. I thought that was pretty cool. She was running the show, not being shuffled around by kids to whom she has become a burden.

I toured that senior home when we were considering it for my dad, and it is pretty cool. If I find myself alone some day and needing assistance, why I believe I'll check myself in there also, and make a bunch of friends to wile away my final years with.

You're applauding yourself for NOT having children?

5 bucks says you're white.
Whites think of any and all reasons NOT to have children. Including not having them, then adopting a "child of color" from somewhere. Every other group doesn't even think about it... they just have them. Which of these groups will be around in the future?

I don't think there's anything "selfish" about having children... just the opposite.

By the way, I've heard snotty white couples say they're not having children because "it's bad for the environment." Sheesh. I want to smack these people.

I also don't think there's anything "cool" about a nursing home, though I realize they're necessities.

Not necessarily William, I know quite a few Black young professionals who are either single or married but with no children and want to hold off on having kids until they are older, more financially stable and ready to just settle down and dedicate themselves to raising children, and some of them just aren't interested and don't want to sacrifice their freedom for a marriage or children. I think our society in general is less tolerant of children and realy is running out of patience to deal with them, for example look at the airlines and restaurants who want to ban children, I never heard of such a thing growing up and I think its very telling.

Not to completely derail this thread, but one thing that can be said for Mexicans is that they have a strong familial bond, both among their children and their sense of obligation to care for their elders.

 

[High_Gravity]

You're applauding yourself for NOT having children?

5 bucks says you're white.
Whites think of any and all reasons NOT to have children. Including not having them, then adopting a "child of color" from somewhere. Every other group doesn't even think about it... they just have them. Which of these groups will be around in the future?

I don't think there's anything "selfish" about having children... just the opposite.

By the way, I've heard snotty white couples say they're not having children because "it's bad for the environment." Sheesh. I want to smack these people.

I also don't think there's anything "cool" about a nursing home, though I realize they're necessities.

Not necessarily William, I know quite a few Black young professionals who are either single or married but with no children and want to hold off on having kids until they are older, more financially stable and ready to just settle down and dedicate themselves to raising children, and some of them just aren't interested and don't want to sacrifice their freedom for a marriage or children. I think our society in general is less tolerant of children and realy is running out of patience to deal with them, for example look at the airlines and restaurants who want to ban children, I never heard of such a thing growing up and I think its very telling.

Not to completely derail this thread, but one thing that can be said for Mexicans is that they have a strong familial bond, both among their children and their sense of obligation to care for their elders.

This is true.

 

[Iridescence]

The lack of tolerance toward children is something that is quite telling for what is yet to come if we continue to press forward allowing such a thing to take place within our societies. We must retain our familial focus if we are to overcome and perhaps even overthrow the destructiveness of some of today's issues. Planning pregnancies and yet preventing pregnancies are different things. If a couple decides to not have children it limits their future achievements. Yet, it is a choice that many make and are not necessarily wrong in doing so.

 

[High_Gravity]

The lack of tolerance toward children is something that is quite telling for what is yet to come if we continue to press forward allowing such a thing to take place within our societies. We must retain our familial focus if we are to overcome and perhaps even overthrow the destructiveness of some of today's issues. Planning pregnancies and yet preventing pregnancies are different things. If a couple decides to not have children it limits their future achievements. Yet, it is a choice that many make and are not necessarily wrong in doing so.

What I have noticed it is the young people with good jobs and careers who decide to put off having children or forego it completely, but unemployed idiots who smoke pot all day have no problem having 4 or 5 kids, it baffles me.

 

[JakeStarkey]

The lack of tolerance toward children is something that is quite telling for what is yet to come if we continue to press forward allowing such a thing to take place within our societies. We must retain our familial focus if we are to overcome and perhaps even overthrow the destructiveness of some of today's issues. Planning pregnancies and yet preventing pregnancies are different things. If a couple decides to not have children it limits their future achievements. Yet, it is a choice that many make and are not necessarily wrong in doing so.

What I have noticed it is the young people with good jobs and careers who decide to put off having children or forego it completely, but unemployed idiots who smoke pot all day have no problem having 4 or 5 kids, it baffles me.

More time to goof off, I guess.

 

[High_Gravity]

The lack of tolerance toward children is something that is quite telling for what is yet to come if we continue to press forward allowing such a thing to take place within our societies. We must retain our familial focus if we are to overcome and perhaps even overthrow the destructiveness of some of today's issues. Planning pregnancies and yet preventing pregnancies are different things. If a couple decides to not have children it limits their future achievements. Yet, it is a choice that many make and are not necessarily wrong in doing so.

What I have noticed it is the young people with good jobs and careers who decide to put off having children or forego it completely, but unemployed idiots who smoke pot all day have no problem having 4 or 5 kids, it baffles me.

More time to goof off, I guess.

When you have a child you are sacrificing treats like weekend trips to Puerto Rico, going out every weekend to eat at fancy restaurants and the ability to just up and move whenever you feel like it without worrying about kids changing schools.

 

[Iridescence]

As I had my four just leaving the house to go to the store for groceries proved to be a challenge and I have two sets of grandparents that readily help. I missed my friends but many things that were fitting prior to my having children are not at all fitting now. The fact that there is a type of maturity that comes about by having children what may seem to be a sacrifice to many is quite the opposite to some. So many things that others also seem to take for granted come to be really appreciated by those that have less exposure to such. Like dinner and movies on date night.... Staying up later because one can sleep in a little the next day.... Quiet moments. Living life does not have to be expensive, however, some seem to not be able to 'have a good time' without spending a small fortune on whatever they choose to do to 'pass the time'.

 

[High_Gravity]

As I had my four just leaving the house to go to the store for groceries proved to be a challenge and I have two sets of grandparents that readily help. I missed my friends but many things that were fitting prior to my having children are not at all fitting now. The fact that there is a type of maturity that comes about by having children what may seem to be a sacrifice to many is quite the opposite to some. So many things that others also seem to take for granted come to be really appreciated by those that have less exposure to such. Like dinner and movies on date night.... Staying up later because one can sleep in a little the next day.... Quiet moments. Living life does not have to be expensive, however, some seem to not be able to 'have a good time' without spending a small fortune on whatever they choose to do to 'pass the time'.

Well things have changed dramatically, just going out for a few drinks with my girlfriend and some hot wings cost $80 the other week, I couldn't even imagine going out to dinner with a couple kids, I guess thats why McDonalds dollar menu was created I guess.

 

[Iridescence]

We usually do eat more now in restaurants than before but our financial status has also changed a good bit. We keep our living conditions very basic, though the kids and hubby have their play stations and such. It can be really expensive depending on where one goes. We can eat hibachi without it being much more expensive for us than eating 'cheap'. The food is also worth the price. My kids though also cook the basic things for themselves. We buy a lot of canned foods and things that they don't have to cook for hours to eat. I don't invest much in the 'already prepared' foods or instant foods but I do the flash frozen that naturally preserve the foods.

I could not imagine being single today. It seems so many are all about appearances and the 'meat marketing'. Once I had a temporary position at an office building and one of the guys from the back came up and as we were chatting he said something to the effect that I was "fresh meat"... Of course I wasn't offended so much but it did give me pause because of how so much of today's single life is quite 'cut throat' and everyone seems to only be out for themselves without regard to investing in someone to the point that they will be there in the future in some useful capacity.

 

[High_Gravity]

We usually do eat more now in restaurants than before but our financial status has also changed a good bit. We keep our living conditions very basic, though the kids and hubby have their play stations and such. It can be really expensive depending on where one goes. We can eat hibachi without it being much more expensive for us than eating 'cheap'. The food is also worth the price. My kids though also cook the basic things for themselves. We buy a lot of canned foods and things that they don't have to cook for hours to eat. I don't invest much in the 'already prepared' foods or instant foods but I do the flash frozen that naturally preserve the foods.

I could not imagine being single today. It seems so many are all about appearances and the 'meat marketing'. Once I had a temporary position at an office building and one of the guys from the back came up and as we were chatting he said something to the effect that I was "fresh meat"... Of course I wasn't offended so much but it did give me pause because of how so much of today's single life is quite 'cut throat' and everyone seems to only be out for themselves without regard to investing in someone to the point that they will be there in the future in some useful capacity.

Being single now is wild, I can't lie I did enjoy it. People nowadays are just looking for a good time not to realy invest in a long term relationship, and its not just the younger women who have this attitude, most divorcees and cougars I have been with are the same way. Very casual, one of us would call each other, go over there, have sex, order some take out, watch movies etc and leave, I had a couple older ladies on call like this. One of them even caught me making out with a girl I met from Iran at a bar, I thought she would be pissed at first but she told me not to trip off it. Needless to say this kind of lifestyle requires condoms 24/7. Its hectic, but alot less stressful than being in a marriage from my experience.

 

[Kiki Cannoli]

We are married 19 years, no children (natural nor adopted), one doggie who just passed.

I enjoy the partnership dance and work hard at my marriage. We both do buy exercising healthy communication methods, by not engaging in power play games, by owning our own shit and making change when possible and accepting the other's shit when change isn't. I love looking around 'my' world and thinking "We did this together."

Is it all unicorns and rainbows and butterflies and lollipops? Hell no.

I am a better person because of my husband and our marriage; I am better because I want to be the best me possible in his eyes.

Now, will I become a babbling drooling idiot with no life should this blessed union cease? Of course not. I will still be a strong, independent, intelligent, generous, warm and sexy woman.

P.S. - I did raise a little hell in those 20's though!

 

[Iridescence]

I love being married. I love the stress, too, for the most part. Eh, there are some things that could be better adjusted between the two of us but we've got the rest of our lives together. When I was younger the thought of just being with ONE person for the rest of my life scared the geebees out of me but now that we've been married for so many years I don't even think of being with someone else seriously.

 

[Kiki Cannoli]

We usually do eat more now in restaurants than before but our financial status has also changed a good bit. We keep our living conditions very basic, though the kids and hubby have their play stations and such. It can be really expensive depending on where one goes. We can eat hibachi without it being much more expensive for us than eating 'cheap'. The food is also worth the price. My kids though also cook the basic things for themselves. We buy a lot of canned foods and things that they don't have to cook for hours to eat. I don't invest much in the 'already prepared' foods or instant foods but I do the flash frozen that naturally preserve the foods.

I could not imagine being single today. It seems so many are all about appearances and the 'meat marketing'. Once I had a temporary position at an office building and one of the guys from the back came up and as we were chatting he said something to the effect that I was "fresh meat"... Of course I wasn't offended so much but it did give me pause because of how so much of today's single life is quite 'cut throat' and everyone seems to only be out for themselves without regard to investing in someone to the point that they will be there in the future in some useful capacity.

Being single now is wild, I can't lie I did enjoy it. People nowadays are just looking for a good time not to realy invest in a long term relationship, and its not just the younger women who have this attitude, most divorcees and cougars I have been with are the same way. Very casual, one of us would call each other, go over there, have sex, order some take out, watch movies etc and leave, I had a couple older ladies on call like this. One of them even caught me making out with a girl I met from Iran at a bar, I thought she would be pissed at first but she told me not to trip off it. Needless to say this kind of lifestyle requires condoms 24/7. Its hectic, but alot less stressful than being in a marriage from my experience.

This is not a judgement, in fact hats off...but I am not cut out for the FWB thing - I think I'd rather ONS.

 

[High_Gravity]

We usually do eat more now in restaurants than before but our financial status has also changed a good bit. We keep our living conditions very basic, though the kids and hubby have their play stations and such. It can be really expensive depending on where one goes. We can eat hibachi without it being much more expensive for us than eating 'cheap'. The food is also worth the price. My kids though also cook the basic things for themselves. We buy a lot of canned foods and things that they don't have to cook for hours to eat. I don't invest much in the 'already prepared' foods or instant foods but I do the flash frozen that naturally preserve the foods.

I could not imagine being single today. It seems so many are all about appearances and the 'meat marketing'. Once I had a temporary position at an office building and one of the guys from the back came up and as we were chatting he said something to the effect that I was "fresh meat"... Of course I wasn't offended so much but it did give me pause because of how so much of today's single life is quite 'cut throat' and everyone seems to only be out for themselves without regard to investing in someone to the point that they will be there in the future in some useful capacity.

Being single now is wild, I can't lie I did enjoy it. People nowadays are just looking for a good time not to realy invest in a long term relationship, and its not just the younger women who have this attitude, most divorcees and cougars I have been with are the same way. Very casual, one of us would call each other, go over there, have sex, order some take out, watch movies etc and leave, I had a couple older ladies on call like this. One of them even caught me making out with a girl I met from Iran at a bar, I thought she would be pissed at first but she told me not to trip off it. Needless to say this kind of lifestyle requires condoms 24/7. Its hectic, but alot less stressful than being in a marriage from my experience.

This is not a judgement, in fact hats off...but I am not cut out for the FWB thing - I think I'd rather ONS.

To be honest when I was doing the friends with benefits thing it was the most stress free time of my life.

 

[Kiki Cannoli]

Being single now is wild, I can't lie I did enjoy it. People nowadays are just looking for a good time not to realy invest in a long term relationship, and its not just the younger women who have this attitude, most divorcees and cougars I have been with are the same way. Very casual, one of us would call each other, go over there, have sex, order some take out, watch movies etc and leave, I had a couple older ladies on call like this. One of them even caught me making out with a girl I met from Iran at a bar, I thought she would be pissed at first but she told me not to trip off it. Needless to say this kind of lifestyle requires condoms 24/7. Its hectic, but alot less stressful than being in a marriage from my experience.

This is not a judgement, in fact hats off...but I am not cut out for the FWB thing - I think I'd rather ONS.

To be honest when I was doing the friends with benefits thing it was the most stress free time of my life.

I can imagine that to be very true. I see the 'benefits', its just not in my constitution - I had friends, I had relationships and never the two shall meet.

 

[selling1]

It will depend upon what kind if guy you are, as Single and married life both are really nice and have their own benefits and drawbacks. But I can say in my case I'll prefer to be single I can enjoy my life totally..!!!!