Single vs Married

[Lumpy 1]

Married with children is the best.

All around me, I see attractive, smart people staying single well into their 30s. Or they get married but don't have kids. I think this is a recipe for great future unhappiness. You'll be sitting there for Thanksgiving when you're 63... by your freakin' SELF? Eating a frozen dinner? Huh? Or with your spouse and NO KIDS?

Blugh. That sounds lonely, cold, miserable, deathly gray.

Yes, marriage has annoyances. But they are part of life. We have been taught that marriage must be perfect... nah. Every human being has flaws that make them unattractive. Marriage is about finding a person you can live with, not a person who gives you perpetual perfect bliss.

Life is about living with others. The solo existence just cannot be that happy. For a select few, maybe... and some have no choice - spouse died, they couldn't find another, relatives died off, etc.

Single was OK. I certainly liked fucking the hot girls I dated. One disappointment about marriage has been the absolute drop-off in sex. I do think I'm not alone in this, and I think we need to do something about this issue. It might just be too pressing of an issue to keep the status quo (let off some pressure by some European-style acceptance of mistresses?) Though I see infidelity is usually bad, and I have stayed loyal.

I also think people need to work a little harder at being better to their spouses -- all of us.

You know, I've never had children and here's why. When I was younger, the only reason I could think of for having children was so I wouldn't be alone in old age. But that didn't seem like a valid reason to bring human life into the world. Not to mention seeing how kids just stuff parents into old folks' homes.

I want to be like the woman down the street from me. She lived alone in a little white house. Her husband had died and her kids were off living their own lives somewhere else. When she got to the point where she was having some trouble getting around, she sold her house and moved into a senior home we have for residents of the state. I thought that was pretty cool. She was running the show, not being shuffled around by kids to whom she has become a burden.

I toured that senior home when we were considering it for my dad, and it is pretty cool. If I find myself alone some day and needing assistance, why I believe I'll check myself in there also, and make a bunch of friends to wile away my final years with.

Yup.. that's no reason to have kids... you have to want to be a full time parent..

I'm not sure what my kids will do when I'm wearing the dribble cup...

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Aw, Lumpy, not everyone needs the dribble cup! My grandma lived to 98 and she lived on her own in a senior apartment complex. She was totally lucid and clear-headed and could shower herself and everything up to the day she died. She died from a heart attack, actually a string of them, all in a row. No lingering, she just up and died one day. She died young...she had sisters who lived to 102 and 109!

She was awesome. I remember, my dad had a stroke when he was 76 and got a phone call in his hospital room. My sister answered and told the nurse, it's his mother calling. "His MOTHER?" the nurse asked. She was impressed.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Aw, Lumpy, not everyone needs the dribble cup! My grandma lived to 98 and she lived on her own in a senior apartment complex. She was totally lucid and clear-headed and could shower herself and everything up to the day she died. She died from a heart attack, actually a string of them, all in a row. No lingering, she just up and died one day. She died young...she had sisters who lived to 102 and 109!

She was awesome. I remember, my dad had a stroke when he was 76 and got a phone call in his hospital room. My sister answered and told the nurse, it's his mother calling. "His MOTHER?" the nurse asked. She was impressed.

Dribble Cup...Eh.. who knows..

I liked your slice of history .. interesting stuff from an interesting Gal..

 

[Iridescence]

One of the biggest flaws that I have known most marriages to have is the lack of serious friendship between spouses. It seems as though they make choices that work more against their union than for it.

 

[JakeStarkey]

One of the biggest flaws that I have known most marriages to have is the lack of serious friendship between spouses. It seems as though they make choices that work more against their union than for it.

Good marriage requires serious friendship and partnership. Pull together.

 

[MaggieMae]

Personally, I think one of the biggest problems today is that people get married much too quickly. They don't let the relationship grow, mature, and solidify before jumping all the way in. Too often that means they don't really know their spouse as well as they should, and I think that's one of the big reasons for the amount of divorces we see these days.

You're right. Too many people, regardless of age, mistake lust for love. That wears off very quickly and then unless the two people have a WHOLE LOT OF OTHER qualities they love about each other, one or the other will start looking elsewhere for the missing lust.

 

[MaggieMae]

I don't believe there is any single "right" person to marry.

There are many people to marry and they range from: "wildly wrong to marry" up to probably okay to marry if you're feeling lucky and willing to work very hard at being married."

Happily ever after only happens in fairy tales.

First off realize that "happy" doesn't factor into the equation I'm looking at. "Love" doesn't even factor into it very much. Right and Wrong are much more important factors in the relationship I'm looking for than either of those previous concepts. I see relationships the same way most people see business partnerships and financial investments. It's about being able to work together properly and for both people to get what they need out of it. So in my mind there really are "right" and "wrong" options. My problem is that humanity stopped making the women who fall into that "right" category in any significant number back in the early 1950's.

If you mean subservient, that's no "partnership," fella.

 

[MaggieMae]

I have been married before for 5 years and the last year was so utterly miserable I went to my commander in the Military and asked to be deployed to Iraq just so I could get away from her, I'm not going to ever do that again. The divorce cost me thousands, would have been 100 times easier if we just lived together and we could just split up.

Would being a "belligerent drunk" have anything to do with it?

 

[MaggieMae]

Suspiciously? why?

In previous eras single men were looked upon with suspicion because society really didn't have a place for them. Single women remained with their parents until they either found a Husband or became spinsters. Single Men were suspected of being unable or unwilling to follow societal norms, thus being unable to find a family that would give him their daughter in marriage.

Or they were either penniless or ugly, or both. Victorians put a huge value on such things.

 

[MaggieMae]

Suspiciously? why?

In previous eras single men were looked upon with suspicion because society really didn't have a place for them. Single women remained with their parents until they either found a Husband or became spinsters. Single Men were suspected of being unable or unwilling to follow societal norms, thus being unable to find a family that would give him their daughter in marriage.

Oh thats true, however things have changed alot now, odds are if you are a man you are going to end up single whether you like it or not, whether its in your 20s or when you are 45 after 20 years of marriage when your wife wants to divorce you and relive her 20s and sleep with college kids.

Only women do that. Sure.

 

[MaggieMae]

Extending Human Life: Progress and Promises | LiveScience

A study earlier this year led by Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago, showed that happily married couples tend to live longer than unwed individuals. Married men were found to live, on average, 10 years longer than non-married men, and married women lived about four years longer than non-married woman.

Of course that would be true because to be "happily" married means a lot of forgiveness and compromising.

 

[Iridescence]

OMGorsh.... Surely there are 40 year olds in college!

 

[MaggieMae]

I don't miss being married.
I don't have to cook dinner at any set time any more.
I don't have to sleep in a bed and have to share it and being woke up with a boner poking me in the back.
I don't have to answer to anyone any more.
I don't have to worry about hugging him and the hands automatically go to my tits or ass and him thinking it's a come on when all I wanted to do was just hug him.
I don't have to stress over any more phone calls because he got another dui and is sitting in a jail cell.
I don't have to be hurt any more when he's schnozzed and tells me hurtful things.

But I miss miss marriage in some ways.

You wrote my story!

 

[MaggieMae]

Actually...ex asked me to marry him again. He wants me protected in case something happens to him. I said ok. So....dats da plan. And if I go before him, he gets my piddly SSI. lol

Bad move, I think. If he's anything like my X, the only reason he wanted me back was because I could finance his lifestyle (again).

 

[MaggieMae]

Actually...ex asked me to marry him again. He wants me protected in case something happens to him. I said ok. So....dats da plan. And if I go before him, he gets my piddly SSI. lol

Sheesh.. I hope there's some romance there Darlin..

There usually isn't; just nostalgia.

 

[MaggieMae]

I don't miss being married.
I don't have to cook dinner at any set time any more.
I don't have to sleep in a bed and have to share it and being woke up with a boner poking me in the back.
I don't have to answer to anyone any more.
I don't have to worry about hugging him and the hands automatically go to my tits or ass and him thinking it's a come on when all I wanted to do was just hug him.
I don't have to stress over any more phone calls because he got another dui and is sitting in a jail cell.
I don't have to be hurt any more when he's schnozzed and tells me hurtful things.

But I miss miss marriage in some ways.

One less bell to answer
On less egg to fry
One less man to pick after
No more laughter
And all
I do
is cry.

I'm not suggesting that the above is pertinent to you but your thoughts on this subject kicked these lyrics into my memory.

The problem with marriage is that you're not alone and you owe obligations to another

The problem with being single is that you are alone and you have nobody to think about but yourself.

Well...depending on the circumstances, that is. I always maintained a great relationship with my husband's side of the family, still do, with his brothers and sisters, as well as my own daughter-in-law's family. At the holidays, there's always a houseful of happy noisy people with the usual women-in-the-kitchen and men-watching-football scenario. I never missed walking on eggshells because my ex-husband as apt to get drunk and pick a fight, or pass out and miss the entire thing. (And neither did his own family.)

 

[William Joyce]

You know, I've never had children and here's why. When I was younger, the only reason I could think of for having children was so I wouldn't be alone in old age. But that didn't seem like a valid reason to bring human life into the world. Not to mention seeing how kids just stuff parents into old folks' homes.

I want to be like the woman down the street from me. She lived alone in a little white house. Her husband had died and her kids were off living their own lives somewhere else. When she got to the point where she was having some trouble getting around, she sold her house and moved into a senior home we have for residents of the state. I thought that was pretty cool. She was running the show, not being shuffled around by kids to whom she has become a burden.

I toured that senior home when we were considering it for my dad, and it is pretty cool. If I find myself alone some day and needing assistance, why I believe I'll check myself in there also, and make a bunch of friends to wile away my final years with.

You're applauding yourself for NOT having children?

5 bucks says you're white.

Whites think of any and all reasons NOT to have children. Including not having them, then adopting a "child of color" from somewhere. Every other group doesn't even think about it... they just have them. Which of these groups will be around in the future?

I don't think there's anything "selfish" about having children... just the opposite.

By the way, I've heard snotty white couples say they're not having children because "it's bad for the environment." Sheesh. I want to smack these people.

I also don't think there's anything "cool" about a nursing home, though I realize they're necessities.

 

[William Joyce]

Mormons believe marriage is forever if done in their Temple and they keep certain commandments. Romantic: I can see that. I think that isn't so, but the concept of commitment is essential to a true relationship. I admire that in Mormonism.

A lot to admire there if you can get past the kooky stuff.

I think the over-romanticizing of marriage has really hurt the institution. Marriage originally was a needed partnership for procreating, child-rearing and mutual support. At base, it still is. If marriage is treated as a glorified friendship/permanent sex date, it's going to OLD, FAST. That's the problem with gay marriage, by the way -- marriage is not just a mere pairing. It's more than that.

My sister was saying the other day she has new-found respect for arranged marriages. I had to agree. We're so horrified by that in other cultures (gasp! what about romance? freedom?), but it actually works. Those couples are no less happy -- and prolly more so -- than our "free" marrieds!

 

[xsited1]

Mormons believe marriage is forever if done in their Temple and they keep certain commandments. Romantic: I can see that. I think that isn't so, but the concept of commitment is essential to a true relationship. I admire that in Mormonism.

A lot to admire there if you can get past the kooky stuff.

I think the over-romanticizing of marriage has really hurt the institution. Marriage originally was a needed partnership for procreating, child-rearing and mutual support. At base, it still is. If marriage is treated as a glorified friendship/permanent sex date, it's going to OLD, FAST. That's the problem with gay marriage, by the way -- marriage is not just a mere pairing. It's more than that.

My sister was saying the other day she has new-found respect for arranged marriages. I had to agree. We're so horrified by that in other cultures (gasp! what about romance? freedom?), but it actually works. Those couples are no less happy -- and prolly more so -- than our "free" marrieds!

I've known a lot of couples in arranged marriages. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but they usually seem very happy. They have a strong sense of duty to make the marriage work and their partner happy. It's like they studied the manual on how to make a marriage work and actively follow the steps each day. If they have to make a choice between spending the night out with friends or cleaning the house, they'll clean the house because it's their duty.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Marriage as duty, in part. Sensible.