Single vs Married

[lilbug]

I think marriage and relationships and the manner in which they are approached have changed drastically since I was young. I think also folks my age have a different view because they've grown, experienced, been out in the world, and because of their experiences. Personally, I don't think any of us are geared to be single and alone, truly most of us want a life partner, but we learn to adapt to being single if it does not happen. For me, I don't know, I sort of fall between a little bit of Laura Petry and 'That Girl', little bit old fashioned and little bit independent, little straight laced and little naughty...I'm not sure men know how to deal with that combination, at least none so far have. I have been married and divorced twice, but single and on my own more time than in a relationship. For me, at this point in my life being single works best. I'm more content, more at ease and more at peace with who I am than at any other point in my life.

 

[Dabs]

I was married at the age of 15, to hubby 1.
Then we divorced, and I married hubby 2 when I was 22.
By the time I was 23 years old, I had already had all 4 of my children and no more were to come.
Everything happened too fast for me, I never had a time for me.
I don't think I'm the marrying kind......I like to come and go as I please. Eat when I want, what I want, and get up and hop in my car and drive to wherever the hell I wish, without having to answer back to anyone where I'm going.
I like my independence, a lot.

 

[Lumpy 1]

I think marriage and relationships and the manner in which they are approached have changed drastically since I was young. I think also folks my age have a different view because they've grown, experienced, been out in the world, and because of their experiences. Personally, I don't think any of us are geared to be single and alone, truly most of us want a life partner, but we learn to adapt to being single if it does not happen. For me, I don't know, I sort of fall between a little bit of Laura Petry and 'That Girl', little bit old fashioned and little bit independent, little straight laced and little naughty...I'm not sure men know how to deal with that combination, at least none so far have. I have been married and divorced twice, but single and on my own more time than in a relationship. For me, at this point in my life being single works best. I'm more content, more at ease and more at peace with who I am than at any other point in my life.

Va --Voom..you sound great to me..naughty and no where to go..

 

[JakeStarkey]

Well... I had fun being single but I planned on being married and raising some children. It was what I always planned to do..

Now my sister on the other hand, got married, had children, got divorced and just loved being single...

Eh... I guess it comes down to what makes you happy...

I think it is probably better to be unhappy single (you might find someone) than be unhappy married.

However, I am only guessing. I married the girl literally from next door; I never knew a day in my life that she wasn't there in some way, form, or fashion. Marriage, to me, is a statement of hope for the future of the world. When she died, that hope almost flickered out. Then I married again, a wonderful woman, and hope has grown deeper the last twenty years.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Well... I had fun being single but I planned on being married and raising some children. It was what I always planned to do..

Now my sister on the other hand, got married, had children, got divorced and just loved being single...

Eh... I guess it comes down to what makes you happy...

I think it is probably better to be unhappy single (you might find someone) than be unhappy married.

However, I am only guessing. I married the girl literally from next door; I never knew a day in my life that she wasn't there in some way, form, or fashion. Marriage, to me, is a statement of hope for the future of the world. When she died, that hope almost flickered out. Then I married again, a wonderful woman, and hope has grown deeper the last twenty years.

Well.. sorry your loss but happy it worked for you..

I can't say I've received everything I hoped for in my marriage but pretty darn close..

 

[Grace]

Actually...ex asked me to marry him again. He wants me protected in case something happens to him. I said ok. So....dats da plan. And if I go before him, he gets my piddly SSI. lol

 

[Lumpy 1]

Actually...ex asked me to marry him again. He wants me protected in case something happens to him. I said ok. So....dats da plan. And if I go before him, he gets my piddly SSI. lol

Sheesh.. I hope there's some romance there Darlin..

 

[William Joyce]

Married with children is the best.

All around me, I see attractive, smart people staying single well into their 30s. Or they get married but don't have kids. I think this is a recipe for great future unhappiness. You'll be sitting there for Thanksgiving when you're 63... by your freakin' SELF? Eating a frozen dinner? Huh? Or with your spouse and NO KIDS?

Blugh. That sounds lonely, cold, miserable, deathly gray.

Yes, marriage has annoyances. But they are part of life. We have been taught that marriage must be perfect... nah. Every human being has flaws that make them unattractive. Marriage is about finding a person you can live with, not a person who gives you perpetual perfect bliss.

Life is about living with others. The solo existence just cannot be that happy. For a select few, maybe... and some have no choice - spouse died, they couldn't find another, relatives died off, etc.

Single was OK. I certainly liked fucking the hot girls I dated. One disappointment about marriage has been the absolute drop-off in sex. I do think I'm not alone in this, and I think we need to do something about this issue. It might just be too pressing of an issue to keep the status quo (let off some pressure by some European-style acceptance of mistresses?) Though I see infidelity is usually bad, and I have stayed loyal.

I also think people need to work a little harder at being better to their spouses -- all of us.

 

[William Joyce]

Another thought: divorce is for shit, people. Too many people get divorced "for the heck of it" -- seriously. Yes, some marriages should end. But maybe like 1/3 of the ones that actually do. Too many marriages end because of sheer laziness... it takes some work to work it out. It takes effort. Americans believe in the idea of a perfect person for a spouse... won't happen.

Also, they cost a fortune. We lawyers get all the money.

 

[editec]

I don't miss being married.
I don't have to cook dinner at any set time any more.
I don't have to sleep in a bed and have to share it and being woke up with a boner poking me in the back.
I don't have to answer to anyone any more.
I don't have to worry about hugging him and the hands automatically go to my tits or ass and him thinking it's a come on when all I wanted to do was just hug him.
I don't have to stress over any more phone calls because he got another dui and is sitting in a jail cell.
I don't have to be hurt any more when he's schnozzed and tells me hurtful things.

But I miss miss marriage in some ways.

One less bell to answer
On less egg to fry
One less man to pick after
No more laughter
And all
I do
is cry.

I'm not suggesting that the above is pertinent to you but your thoughts on this subject kicked these lyrics into my memory.

The problem with marriage is that you're not alone and you owe obligations to another

The problem with being single is that you are alone and you have nobody to think about but yourself.

 

[ekrem]

Single. Not old enough/financially secure enough to get married.

Though I did just get out of a relationship. I hate it when people smoke, and she lied to me about it.... so I left her.

I smoke myself.
If the relationship is nothing serious the woman can do whatever she likes with her body: Smoking, drinking etc.
If it's something serious (road to marriage) she has to stop all harm she's doing to her body, because that body would one day carry out my children.
But I wouldn't quit a "relationship" just because she smokes. I would ask her to stop smoking and if she doesn't stop she is anyway not the right one (doesn't listen to my words), and I'll have my fun with her, till I meet the next one.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Actually...ex asked me to marry him again. He wants me protected in case something happens to him. I said ok. So....dats da plan. And if I go before him, he gets my piddly SSI. lol

Second marriages often work. I hope so for you. All deserve happiness in their relationships.

 

[ekrem]

I don't have to sleep in a bed and have to share it and being woke up with a boner

You had a well functioning man sleeping beside you.

 

[Iridescence]

Marriages represent a union that should withstand the trials of being within our 'flesh'. Some individuals really make it harder for themselves by retaining bad habits that go against the body and mind but most of them seem to also never clue in to just how responsible they are for themselves. Too often partners push individual responsibility upon one another. Laziness absolutely seems to be an issue as long term relationships tend to become comfort zones for stagnancy.

 

[Grace]

Actually...ex asked me to marry him again. He wants me protected in case something happens to him. I said ok. So....dats da plan. And if I go before him, he gets my piddly SSI. lol

Sheesh.. I hope there's some romance there Darlin..

Nope. I fell out of love with him long ago. But in divorcing him, I also found my best friend. So do I love him? Yes. But not the romance kind. Just ain't gonna happen.

 

[Iridescence]

You could always *just be friends*

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I think marriages fail because of lack of commitment.

You have to say to yourselves, and to each other, there is no backing out of this. If we get married, it will be until death do us part. That means if we run into problems in our relationship we HAVE to work them out. There is no other choice.

I've been married three times. The first time, I lived with the guy for two years before getting married. The marriage lasted one year.

The second time, I lived with the guy for one year, the marriage lasted two years.

My current marriage, we lived together eight years, had a big crisis and decided to get married rather than break up. But we really made a commitment, "this is it, no backing out of this." To show the level of commitment, first we got married by a minister two weeks after he proposed. Then, my husband went through seven months of classes and converted to Catholicism so we could be married in the Catholic Church with a complete mass. He said he did that to "cement in my mind" that he loved me and would do anything to be with me. We've been married 13 years now.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

You could always *just be friends*

With benefits. Hehe.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Married with children is the best.

All around me, I see attractive, smart people staying single well into their 30s. Or they get married but don't have kids. I think this is a recipe for great future unhappiness. You'll be sitting there for Thanksgiving when you're 63... by your freakin' SELF? Eating a frozen dinner? Huh? Or with your spouse and NO KIDS?

Blugh. That sounds lonely, cold, miserable, deathly gray.

Yes, marriage has annoyances. But they are part of life. We have been taught that marriage must be perfect... nah. Every human being has flaws that make them unattractive. Marriage is about finding a person you can live with, not a person who gives you perpetual perfect bliss.

Life is about living with others. The solo existence just cannot be that happy. For a select few, maybe... and some have no choice - spouse died, they couldn't find another, relatives died off, etc.

Single was OK. I certainly liked fucking the hot girls I dated. One disappointment about marriage has been the absolute drop-off in sex. I do think I'm not alone in this, and I think we need to do something about this issue. It might just be too pressing of an issue to keep the status quo (let off some pressure by some European-style acceptance of mistresses?) Though I see infidelity is usually bad, and I have stayed loyal.

I also think people need to work a little harder at being better to their spouses -- all of us.

You know, I've never had children and here's why. When I was younger, the only reason I could think of for having children was so I wouldn't be alone in old age. But that didn't seem like a valid reason to bring human life into the world. Not to mention seeing how kids just stuff parents into old folks' homes.

I want to be like the woman down the street from me. She lived alone in a little white house. Her husband had died and her kids were off living their own lives somewhere else. When she got to the point where she was having some trouble getting around, she sold her house and moved into a senior home we have for residents of the state. I thought that was pretty cool. She was running the show, not being shuffled around by kids to whom she has become a burden.

I toured that senior home when we were considering it for my dad, and it is pretty cool. If I find myself alone some day and needing assistance, why I believe I'll check myself in there also, and make a bunch of friends to wile away my final years with.

 

[JakeStarkey]

I think marriages fail because of lack of commitment.

You have to say to yourselves, and to each other, there is no backing out of this. If we get married, it will be until death do us part. That means if we run into problems in our relationship we HAVE to work them out. There is no other choice.

I've been married three times. The first time, I lived with the guy for two years before getting married. The marriage lasted one year.

The second time, I lived with the guy for one year, the marriage lasted two years.

My current marriage, we lived together eight years, had a big crisis and decided to get married rather than break up. But we really made a commitment, "this is it, no backing out of this." To show the level of commitment, first we got married by a minister two weeks after he proposed. Then, my husband went through seven months of classes and converted to Catholicism so we could be married in the Catholic Church with a complete mass. He said he did that to "cement in my mind" that he loved me and would do anything to be with me. We've been married 13 years now.

Mormons believe marriage is forever if done in their Temple and they keep certain commandments. Romantic: I can see that. I think that isn't so, but the concept of commitment is essential to a true relationship. I admire that in Mormonism.