Silly News.. from across the pond

[Lumpy 1]

I just thought this news from across the pond was kinda funny, so here it is.

1)Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)

2)Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evenings News)

3)Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

4)A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

5)The USA often won the famous yacht race, known as the Americas Cup, by hook or by crook. In one year, the US schooner lost to the British, but the US team effected a retroactive change in the rules disqualifying the British. A British newspaper ran the headline: Britannia rules the waves but America waives the rules.

Silly News Headlines

 

[Big Black Dog]

 

[Lumpy 1]

Eh... this one deserves another shot..

By the way, go to the link.. fun stuff

 

[Lumpy 1]

This ones hard to keep going but a lot of people like it..

 

[Lumpy 1]

This is it... last time...

 

[Xenophon]

Not bad.

 

[JenyEliza]

Thanks, a laugh is always welcome!

 

[Bootneck]

If you liked those, then you should like these. They're from actual signs in public places:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

 

[Lumpy 1]

I just thought this news from across the pond was kinda funny, so here it is.

1)Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)

2)Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evenings News)

3)Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

4)A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

5)The USA often won the famous yacht race, known as the Americas Cup, by hook or by crook. In one year, the US schooner lost to the British, but the US team effected a retroactive change in the rules disqualifying the British. A British newspaper ran the headline: Britannia rules the waves but America waives the rules.

Silly News Headlines

Okay lets call it a fib as opposed to a full blown lie... .. maybe, possibly, could be, that chances are.. this is the last time....