SICK, TWISTED, EVIL, DARK, VILE "Humor"

[Michelle420]

How different countries deal with a serial killer:

- England: Raid the house and arrest everyone inside.

- America: Raid the house and shoot everyone inside.

- France: Sit outside the house and wait for the meanie to come out.

 

[Michelle420]

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
-"You going to eat that?"

 

[IlarMeilyr]

kid to adult, walking into the dark woods: I am afraid walking into the woods all alone with you.

adult to kid: Imagine how scared I'm gonna feel walking out all alone.

 

[Michelle420]

kid to adult, walking into the dark woods: I am afraid walking into the woods all alone with you.

adult to kid: Imagine how scared I'm gonna feel walking out all alone.

Already posted

 

[IlarMeilyr]

kid to adult, walking into the dark woods: I am afraid walking into the woods all alone with you.

adult to kid: Imagine how scared I'm gonna feel walking out all alone.

Already posted

There a couple of duplicates.

Oh well.

 

[April]

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.

 

[Ropey]

A fellow meets a woman in the bar and they hit it off so well that she asks him over for a nightcap. This turns into a hot and heavy make out session and he begins to do a bit of carpet munching . She's quite vocally appreciative which turns him on more.

Suddenly he finds something in his mouth and pulls it out only to find a pea. A green garden pea.



Now he's a bit confused but she urges him back into the the munch and he's pretty drunk.

Again with something in the mouth. He stops immediately and spits out a carrot. Astonished he looks at her and says, "Are you sick"?

She says, "No, but the guy before you was".

 

[Michelle420]

Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

 

[The Professor]

As I started fucking her, she said, "Please stop. You must stop. I want you to stop."


"It's nice that she's enjoying it", I thought, "but why is she talking like a telegram?"

 

[Ropey]

Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

 

[April]

Q: How do you know when your sister's on her rag?
A: Because your dad's dick tastes funny.

 

[April]

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

 

[April]

Q: What is the worst thing about sleeping with the dead?
A: Waiting for them to go stiff first.

 

[IlarMeilyr]

What's the WORST thing about fucking your first six year old?

Getting the blood out of the clown costume.

 

[April]

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.

He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."

He says "That doesn't matter."

So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.

A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.

So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.

The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.

The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

 

[IlarMeilyr]

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.

He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."

He says "That doesn't matter."

So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.

A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.

So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.

The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.

The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

Why does he like his fingers?

 

[April]

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.

He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."

He says "That doesn't matter."

So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.

A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.

So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.

The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.

The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

Why does he like his fingers?

Cuz he liked the taste?

 

[April]

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.

The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".

The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"

When he gets home his wife asks "Well what did he say ?"

The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear."