Shrinkage- From abused to amused? A peek into psychology..

Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by JD_2B, Oct 2, 2009.

  1. JD_2B
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    JD_2B Little Vixen

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    I am beginning a family counseling program for my son and I, to help us deal with certain issues we both have as a result of my poor choices in men, primarily.

    Generally speaking, being abused gave me trust issues, and my son now seems down in the dumps more and more of the time. His grades are not going up, and I am having a hard time feeling like I can actually have a successful and healthy relationship, and sometimes I feel like I am being too sensitive about things, not with friends- just with new men that I do not find desirable in an emotional way, after a few days or weeks. I know that I am making healthy choices when it comes to "tossing the fish back", lol- but the nagging feeling I keep getting is that some of the mean things these jerks say might be true. Thus, I am going to a shrink to figure out how to spot the jerks before they say these things, and also how to verbalize my disdain towards them, without setting them off. I think that I sometimes act a little too scared when I express myself about certain things- and it may be coming off as needy or clingy- neither of which I am. :lol:

    In fact, I find it amusing now, that I can actually meet a jerk, and within a week, figure out that he is a jerk, and just be done with it- and not end up in a relationship. It is quite amusing! I laugh with my friends all the time now, about all the crazy shit some of these freaks present me with.. :cuckoo:

    Have you, or anyone you have known, ever been to a post-domestic violence therapy, to kind of regroup, and reorganize your feelings- and maybe try to help to compartmentalize some of the stuff you went through? If so, how was it? What did you learn? If you do not have an experience like this- therapy- but you have some tips on how to act on a first, second, third date, etc.. I am open to suggestions. I am 32 years old, but I feel like a 12 year old when it comes to finding a good healthy man. I really just don't know the first thing as to how to go about doing this.

    Where should I go? (not bars- I learned that those are a bad choice)

    How should I dress? (I am a C/D cup- is showing a little cleavage okay, or does that convey that I am willing to let him open the bedroom doors too quickly?)

    Smile big, little, etc?

    What do I look for, appearance- wise?

    How will I know right away if he is a "shady character" that should be avoided?

    Are there any ways that a man might look at you, or things he might say, that should cause me to want to haul ass?

    Are there any ways that he might look at you, or talk to you, that would let you know he is a gent?

    How would a normal woman react to a guy asking her out? Giggle like mad, and just say OK, for lack of words, or play it cool, and pitch an idea?

    Should talking about sex be off limits in the first week or two? Or how long, anyways?

    The 90-day rule- that is important, waiting 90 days for sex, to be treated well, right?

    I did read Steve Harvey's "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man"- and it did help somewhat. I am now looking for more details, though.. What do you think of all this?

    Thanks for your responses.. I will surely appreciate them.. =)
     
  2. KittenKoder
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    KittenKoder Senior Member

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    First, stop looking completely. Until you are happy with yourself you will never be happy with someone else. Focus only on your son and yourself. Nothing good will come if you keep seeking out someone to make you "complete" because that will never happen. People do not complete each other, nor do people make each other happy, they compliment each other.

    Second, find things that make you happy which require no one else (except maybe your son). If you cannot find at least one thing that makes you happy without needing someone else there, then you need serious counseling.
     
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  3. RetiredGySgt
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    RetiredGySgt Platinum Member

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    A warning before you act on ADVICE from Kittenkodder, she hates sex and isn't real fond of men either. Well to be factual, she doesn't like people much at all.
     
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  4. Si modo
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    Si modo Diamond Member

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    Go places you want to go and do things that you want to do. Other persons will be around and you'll meet them.

    Dress in what makes you happy/confident/feel pretty when you look in the mirror.

    Smile naturally - the way you usually do.

    Whatever piques your interest in another romantically for whatever reason.

    If he does anything that turns you off - violates your standards of character.

    Follow your gut feel. Sometimes we can't put our fingure on it but intuition is strong and rarely wrong.

    Looking at you? I haven't a clue. But as long as he speaks to you with respect - not marginalizing you, not demeaning you, etc. - and is gracious and gentile, that's good.

    Act naturally, as you would normally - don't pose. You can't be a poser as someone else; you have to be genuine.

    Have sex when you want to have sex. Having it before is selling yourself out and waiting when you want to have sex because of some inflexible abstract rule will send confusing messages to him.



    Never heard of that book.

    But I hope you notice a recurring theme - YOU. You will not find anyone good for you if you can't be happy with what you see in the mirror - both physically and mentally. Persons are attracted to others who show self-confidence AND are genuine. Pay attention to yourself, be yourself.

    Just my advice and worth what you just paid for it - nothing.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 2, 2009
  5. KittenKoder
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    KittenKoder Senior Member

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    Until I took my own advice, I didn't know that about myself. ;)
     
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  6. JW Frogen
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    JW Frogen Gold Member

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    If I were a woman I would be a bigger slut than the Virgin Mary when she found out God wanted to kill their son.

    Still, I am a pretty good man-slut.

    Rule number one, sex is not love.

    Don't treat sex so seriously.

    Withhold or give sex as you will, but do not think this has anything to do with love, it does not.

    If you want love you need to look for men who have similar interests to you, or rather similar curiosities, similar life goals and philosophies. A simular sense of humour is vital, VITAL I SAYS! A man who wants the same sort of challenges experiences from life you do.

    And if you are lucky he will still fuck you like a pimp who wants to disapline his ho for the rest of your life, he will zing your Zimmer frame until death do you part.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 2, 2009
  7. Si modo
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    Si modo Diamond Member

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    I'm plagiarizing that last line - I like it (and so will my friend when I use it ;)).
     
  8. Care4all
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    Care4all Warrior Princess Supporting Member

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    Men who hate women, and the women who love them...

    read it...it'll be a good start before your therapy begins...[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Men-Hate-Women-Love-Them/dp/0553381415#reader]Amazon.com: Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why (9780553381412): Susan Forward, Joan Torres: Books[/ame]
     
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  9. KittenKoder
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    KittenKoder Senior Member

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    Frogen, the perverted sage! You still surprise me. :lol:
     
  10. DiveCon
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    DiveCon gone

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    he might have a chance with her
    she admitted she cant spot a jerk for a week
    ;)
     
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