Should my daughter visit her mom who is in jail? Is there a benefit to visits over phone calls?

[astr591]

was hoping there might be some Law enforcement people here

I am considering letting my 15 year old daughter visit my wife who is in jail for seven months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. My daughter seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how "now her mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical.

One thing I am wondering is what are the things they should talk about. I hear that all conversations in jail are recorded? Would it be better to stick to casual things ?


also my daughter will no doubt want to ask my wife questions about what it is like inside there. Is this a good idea? Out of curiosity if you were to ask an inmate questions about what it is like in jail, what would you ask them? Is it even a good idea to let her visit?

 

[emilynghiem]

was hoping there might be some Law enforcement people here

I am considering letting my 15 year old daughter visit my wife who is in jail for seven months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. My daughter seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how "now her mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical.

One thing I am wondering is what are the things they should talk about. I hear that all conversations in jail are recorded? Would it be better to stick to casual things ?


also my daughter will no doubt want to ask my wife questions about what it is like inside there. Is this a good idea? Out of curiosity if you were to ask an inmate questions about what it is like in jail, what would you ask them? Is it even a good idea to let her visit?

Yes, people need and deserve all the contact with family and support they need, or it is crazy making.

please check with a local group that helps families of inmates and/or a nonprofit or ministry who knows the system and staff at that facility. if there is a group for women and mothers with children, this is especially helpful to have experienced volunteers guide you through.

I have a friend who is statewide and national consultant on anything to do with jails and prisons
Ray Hill - 713 523-6969 - 414 Marshall St
maybe he can refer you to someone personal to make sure your daughter has help and supervision visiting there

 

[HUGGY]

Support for your wife is softening the lesson she needs to learn. Short of physical harm she should be shunned to get the desired effect.

You need to man up and stop being such a pussy. The woman disrespected you and her family. Show some fucking strength by letting the jail experience sink in. Otherwise you are just enabling her by softening the punishment and lesson she obviously deserves.

I would make it clear to the little woman NOT to make any friends in jail. Tell her to do her time and keep to herself.

 

[emilynghiem]

The punishment is having to fix the mistakes she made and repair all the damage done.
There is no sense in adding more suffering than what it already involved or it is not proportional to the crime.

If she doesn't intend to fix the financial problems she caused, that's a separate issue.
she needs counseling to fix the problems and take responsibility.
playing games with family relations isn't going to help but will create more resentment and issues on top of the mess already.

think of your daughter and what will make this easier on her to have stable relations.
don't punish your daughter for mistakes the mother made.

in order to fix the problems she needs emotional and family support to focus on rational constructive steps.

 

[HUGGY]

The punishment is having to fix the mistakes she made and repair all the damage done.
There is no sense in adding more suffering than what it already involved or it is not proportional to the crime.

If she doesn't intend to fix the financial problems she caused, that's a separate issue.
she needs counseling to fix the problems and take responsibility.
playing games with family relations isn't going to help but will create more resentment and issues on top of the mess already.

think of your daughter and what will make this easier on her to have stable relations.
don't punish your daughter for mistakes the mother made.

in order to fix the problems she needs emotional and family support to focus on rational constructive steps.

She can get her counseling and make reparations AFTER she has learned her lesson. It is also a better lesson to the daughter to see that making stupid choices in life has CONSEQUENCES.

 

[emilynghiem]

The punishment is having to fix the mistakes she made and repair all the damage done.
There is no sense in adding more suffering than what it already involved or it is not proportional to the crime.

If she doesn't intend to fix the financial problems she caused, that's a separate issue.
she needs counseling to fix the problems and take responsibility.
playing games with family relations isn't going to help but will create more resentment and issues on top of the mess already.

think of your daughter and what will make this easier on her to have stable relations.
don't punish your daughter for mistakes the mother made.

in order to fix the problems she needs emotional and family support to focus on rational constructive steps.

She can get her counseling and make reparations AFTER she has learned her lesson. It is also a better lesson to the daughter to see that making stupid choices in life has CONSEQUENCES.

she's still in jail that is still serving her time
the daughter has not committed any crime
and has the right to assemble and associate with her own mother

what are you trying to do, damage the daughter also?

do you have any idea how hard it is on children whose peers don't always understand this?

can you explain why the daughter should be punished because of the mother's actions?

if you had any idea or experience in how long it takes to counsel and correct the wrongs,
you would have pushed to start this earlier not later. sitting in jail doesn't solve those problems.
it merely puts a burden on taxpayers for a symbolic gesture and costs everyone more money.

working on solving the problems on a constant basis is taking responsibility
and doesn't change or diminish the fact that she is in jail for that time.

do you think people need to be tortured or emotionally abused in order to make
their jail time more meaningful? i think they should work while they are in there and
at least pay for their costs. the push should be to do more work, not less by just sitting idle.

 

[Nutz]

Let your daughter see her mother if she wants to. Let your wife see her daughter. If you don't, you risk your daughter resenting you, or her mother, or both of you and you risk your wife resenting you and your daughter if you don't.

IYour wife is in jail...the shock to your daughter is already there...visiting her mother in jail isn't gonna make it worse and might even do some good to prevent her and the mother from any future indiscretions.

 

[HUGGY]

The punishment is having to fix the mistakes she made and repair all the damage done.
There is no sense in adding more suffering than what it already involved or it is not proportional to the crime.

If she doesn't intend to fix the financial problems she caused, that's a separate issue.
she needs counseling to fix the problems and take responsibility.
playing games with family relations isn't going to help but will create more resentment and issues on top of the mess already.

think of your daughter and what will make this easier on her to have stable relations.
don't punish your daughter for mistakes the mother made.

in order to fix the problems she needs emotional and family support to focus on rational constructive steps.

She can get her counseling and make reparations AFTER she has learned her lesson. It is also a better lesson to the daughter to see that making stupid choices in life has CONSEQUENCES.

she's still in jail that is still serving her time
the daughter has not committed any crime
and has the right to assemble and associate with her own mother

what are you trying to do, damage the daughter also?

do you have any idea how hard it is on children whose peers don't always understand this?

can you explain why the daughter should be punished because of the mother's actions?

Hey! I didn't do the crime ! Her mother did. THAT little bit of embarrassment ALREADY happened. The daughter is old enough to deal with this. Stop making excuses for this mother that brought this on to her family.

 

[Gracie]

Let her visit her mother. Let HER decide what SHE needs to ask and let the mother respond the way SHE decides to. If your daughter decides she no longer wishes to see her mother, she is old enough to make that decision. Stay out of it and just offer support to her. Mom got where she is on her own. Your daughter needs to learn and understand that bad actions get bad results. She won't understand that fully until she sees Mom behind those bars.

 

[emilynghiem]

The punishment is having to fix the mistakes she made and repair all the damage done.
There is no sense in adding more suffering than what it already involved or it is not proportional to the crime.

If she doesn't intend to fix the financial problems she caused, that's a separate issue.
she needs counseling to fix the problems and take responsibility.
playing games with family relations isn't going to help but will create more resentment and issues on top of the mess already.

think of your daughter and what will make this easier on her to have stable relations.
don't punish your daughter for mistakes the mother made.

in order to fix the problems she needs emotional and family support to focus on rational constructive steps.

She can get her counseling and make reparations AFTER she has learned her lesson. It is also a better lesson to the daughter to see that making stupid choices in life has CONSEQUENCES.

she's still in jail that is still serving her time
the daughter has not committed any crime
and has the right to assemble and associate with her own mother

what are you trying to do, damage the daughter also?

do you have any idea how hard it is on children whose peers don't always understand this?

can you explain why the daughter should be punished because of the mother's actions?

Hey! I didn't do the crime ! Her mother did. THAT little bit of embarrassment ALREADY happened. The daughter is old enough to deal with this. Stop making excuses for this mother that brought this on to her family.

Who is making excuses? she is still serving her time! what do you not get about that?
why do you feel any need to shove something in someone's face, how is that taking responsibility.

and obviously you have no idea how much this affects kids in school.
I know a nonprofit group that works with kids to make sure the parent-child relationship remains stable
and doesn't get crippled by a bunch of added stigma from "other people's" needs to impose something more.

there is plenty to fix as it is.
you don't solve math problems by yelling and shaming and bullying kids for getting wrong answers.
you teach them how to correct their own errors.
why this need to bully and be ugly. what has that got to do with serving time and taking responsibility for fixing
what went wrong. gee whiz.

 

[strollingbones]

dude what the fuck a financial crime? that can be anything from shoplifting to killing the dealer next door?

but i digress..the question is the little one visiting....i say yes...go for it...but be well prepared for the climate you are taking the kids into....i would call ahead and ask the policies etc...you dont want any surprises

but consider this....7 months is nothing esp if she does 'good' time then it will shorten her sentence....if you want to support her find out how fast you can spring her...people do not realize they can take classes etc that will shorten their sentence...look into it...

you know you daughter best...we dont...do you think she can handle this? i remember as a teenager i went to visit a friend's family member in jail...i am 61 years old and it is still one of the most vivid memories i have...not of the person i visited...cant remember them at all but the senses remember the jail and all that implies....matter of fact the two most vivid memories i have both involve jail cells....so you be the judge of what your daughter can handle...

you as the hubby and father and head of the house have some explaining to do....how did you let this happen? i am not being as judge fucking mental as just asking? did you not notice the extra money etc? i have a 100 questions about what happen etc but that is yours to share or not share

 

[strollingbones]

about the recorded calls...assume everything is monitored...mail, phone calls etc....just go with that and you will be safe....

 

[Jarlaxle]

Support for your wife is softening the lesson she needs to learn. Short of physical harm she should be shunned to get the desired effect.

You need to man up and stop being such a pussy. The woman disrespected you and her family. Show some fucking strength by letting the jail experience sink in. Otherwise you are just enabling her by softening the punishment and lesson she obviously deserves.

I would make it clear to the little woman NOT to make any friends in jail. Tell her to do her time and keep to herself.

You truly are a psychotic nut.

 

[strollingbones]

huggy has strong opinions and he is right in many ways esp the last part

 

[HUGGY]

huggy has strong opinions and he is right in many ways esp the last part

I also have experience. Jail is no joke. One can get caught up in someone else's BS in a heartbeat. Fellow inmates are ALWAYS on the prowl to get close to unsuspecting newbies and make up shit to get their own sentence reduced.

This fellow is getting ahead of himself IMO putting the cart before the horse in putting this stupid woman's mistake behind them. This doesn't have to destroy the family. It certainly could. 6 month's is NOTHING. It will go by in a blink. I would let mommy dearest settle in with the jail routine for a while before visiting her at all. Then maybe let the kid visit her once or twice but seriously..why put the kid through the demeaning way that she will be treated when she gets to the institution? She will be searched and treated somewhat like SHE is a criminal just to have some cheezy telephone visit where she will see her mom treated like crap by disinterested jail guards. All in all if Mom really cares about her kid's sensibilities she should just call home collect once a week and have THAT be the communication. Seeing her mother in the jail Orange jumpsuit will be very depressing.

 

[Gracie]

I wonder if they will body cavity search her? That might want to be considered cuz if they do...is that 15 year old ready for some other gal to do that to her just so she can see her mother?

Anyway...call me paranoid, but please do not PM me any more, OP. You can ask questions in public.

 

[astr591]

isn't a body cavity a full search where you take off all your clothes? I find that hard to believe they would that to visitors and if that is the case. I am not going.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Far as I know, you just go through a metal detector.

 

[HUGGY]

There are different kinds of visits. Everything from just looking through a window on a telephone all the way to conjacal?sp visits for married people. Obviously there is a very intense search involved in these types of visits. They don't want their convicts or visitors ODing in the trailers. There are contact visits where you can sit in a big room at a table or outside in a special visit yard. That latter requires a more intensive body search to keep contraband from being passed to the convict.

 

[Rocko]

was hoping there might be some Law enforcement people here

I am considering letting my 15 year old daughter visit my wife who is in jail for seven months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. My daughter seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how "now her mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical.

One thing I am wondering is what are the things they should talk about. I hear that all conversations in jail are recorded? Would it be better to stick to casual things ?


also my daughter will no doubt want to ask my wife questions about what it is like inside there. Is this a good idea? Out of curiosity if you were to ask an inmate questions about what it is like in jail, what would you ask them? Is it even a good idea to let her visit?

My compassion would be for the person who is in jail, first and foremost. I would do anything I could to lessen the burden my wife feels while she's in prison. That's what a family is for - to stick together, especially in trying times.