should kids be disappointed at christmas

strollingbones

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Sep 19, 2008
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Meltdown fallout: some parents rethink toy-buying
By DAVID CRARY – 1 hour ago

NEW YORK (AP) — In a season that inspires earnest letters about toys, one notable batch is being sent not by kids to Santa's workshop but by parents to the executive suites of real-world toy makers.

The message: Please, in these days of economic angst, cut back on marketing your products directly to our children.

The letter-writing initiative was launched by the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, which says roughly 1,400 of its members and supporters have contacted 24 leading toy companies and retailers to express concern about ads aimed at kids.

"Unfortunately, I will not be able to purchase many of the toys that my sons have asked for; we simply don't have the money," wrote Todd Helmkamp of Hudson, Ind. "By bombarding them with advertisements ... you are placing parents like me in the unenviable position of having to tell our children that we can't afford the toys you promote."

The Toy Industry Association has responded with a firm defense of current marketing practices, asserting that children "are a vital part of the gift selection process."

"If children are not aware of what is new and available, how will they be able to tell their families what their preferences are?" an industry statement said. "While there is certainly greater economic disturbance going on now, families have always faced different levels of economic well-being and have managed to tailor their spending to their means."

In recent conference calls with investors, toy company executives said they expect to suffer some holiday-season impact from the economic crisis, yet suggested their industry would be more resilient than many other sectors. The toy industry is commonly viewed as recession-resistant, due largely to the parent-child dynamic.

"Parents have trouble saying no," said Allison Pugh, a University of Virginia sociology professor. She says parents often buy toys to avoid guilt and ensure their children feel in sync with school classmates.

"Even under circumstances of dire financial straits, that's the last thing parents give up," said Pugh. "They'll contain their own buying for themselves before they'll make their child feel different at school."

Amanda Almodovar says she encounters such families in her work as an elementary school social worker in Alamance County, N.C., where homelessness and unemployment are rising.

"I had one parent who said she'd prostitute herself to get what her child wants," Almodovar said. "It's heartbreaking. They feel inadequate as parents.

"I try to tell them, worry about your home, your heating bill — but they're the ones who have to look into children's faces, the children saying 'I want this, I want that.'"

Even in some households not in fiscal crisis, there's a sense that this holiday season is different.

John Schenkenfelder, a financial adviser and father of three in Louisville, Ky., wrote a blog entry this month urging families to scale down their gift-giving and spend more time playing together.

"This has been bugging me for years, even when times were great," Schenkenfelder said in a telephone interview. "Maybe people will get it this year — they're so unprepared for this debacle. They're shell-shocked."

In Columbus, Ohio, Erin Beth Dower Charron has been trying to brace her 4-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter for more subdued gift-getting this year as the family begins financial belt-tightening.

"My 8-year-old is still holding out hope that Santa will get her that one special gift, but understanding this year may be different," Dower Charron said. "My son doesn't understand. Everything he sees, he wants."

Toy ads on kids' TV shows make the process harder, she said. "The onslaught seems to be more intense this year."

Dower Charron was among the hundreds of parents who took up the suggestion to write to toy companies.

"Help me understand why your toy is the better one for my child, and why it should be one of the few I can afford," she wrote. "Don't leave that up to my children."

The director of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, psychologist Susan Linn, said she and her colleagues don't expect toy companies to stop advertising — rather, they want the ads directed at parents.

"It's cruel to dangle irresistible ads for toys and electronics in front of kids — encouraging them to nag for gifts that their parents can't afford," she said. "It's just not fair."

The big toy makers aren't likely to redirect their ads for one fundamental reason, according to Richard Gottlieb, a New York-based consultant to the industry.

"Toy companies advertise to children because it works, to be brutally honest," Gottlieb said in an interview.

Gottlieb also contends that it's good for children to encounter toy ads — even in cases where products later turn out to be disappointments.

"It teaches, for very low stakes, how to navigate in our consumer culture," he said.

"They are going to have to spend the rest of their lives listening to every kind of marketing approach, and childhood is where they will learn to cope with it."

As for the economic pressure on parents, Gottlieb sounds a fatalistic note.

"Believe me, there are families with much bigger issues on their plates right now then worrying about whether their child will be unhappy because they did not get a particular toy," Gottlieb wrote in his "Out of the Toy Box" blog. "Delivering disappointment goes with the job of parenting."

The Associated Press: Meltdown fallout: some parents rethink toy-buying


just an interesting read...what is your take on this...is part of parenting getting your kid to understand that you cant always get what you want?

my son has always known that there is no santa who has tons of cash to drop on toys...we simply explained that santa is a myth and we, the parents, pay for the items..therefore there was a limit....

being a pagan, i celebrate winter solstice. my appoarch to gift giving is cheap at best....one gift per person including the beloved and spoiled child...there are no tons of gifts. i will admit that i was not a parent to buy toys weekly or monthly so when he ask for that "special" toy i would try to get it for him...but if that toy was beyond my bones...i told him so...plus i am one to buy after the event...he always got easter stuff the day after....he knew he would get more for less...

so how do you approach the holidays (whatever you call them) and gift giving?
 
It's funny, my students are thrilled with the Dollar Store toys, the "fake" Barbies and Trucks, the Little Army Men (they LOVE those!) and the little chalkboard with chalk. I buy them each a toy from there for Christmas, plus Christmas pencils, erasers, gloves, treats, etc.


Their eyes light up everytime when they open their gifts.

Most kids in America are spoiled rotton with the wealth of excess of crap they get. Come to the inner city here and see what it's really like to not get what you want for Christmas.
 
When my children were little, money wasn't a problem. However, having been raised getting way too many Christmas presents, I wasn't about to replicate that problem. Besides, they had my folks that I knew would go 'whacky.' Actually my parents pretty much surprised me, not that they didn't spend on the kids, but their approach had changed. My mom wanted them to have 'wheels' from the get go.

While she bought lots of baby things, she had to get the wheeled walkers and strollers. Then the tricycle, then the bike, Big Wheels, roller skates, skateboards, electric Barbie car; then electric Jeep for the boys. One year I wanted to kill her, the Little Tyke train set, which went around my living room. My dad shocked all of us, mostly my mom, he bought board games. Yes in the age of electronics, he would come in with stacks of them, wrapped by himself.

Me? I bought Legos every year. Brio trains, Barbie stuff, Ninja Turtles and Mutants for awhile. Hot Wheels, books, Play Dough, Tinker Toys, an Erector Set, Chemistry/Science sets, Colorforms, thinks like that. Oh less I forget, the British Museum's dinosaur collection-over years. One of my sons was into dinosaurs, then anything ancient Egyptian/Medieval for about 8 years.

Funny thing, my kids never asked for 'in' toys. Remember the first year of Cabbage Patch dolls? Probably the first year of nasty shoppers in a big way? My daughter's two best friends in kindergarten kept talking about how they were going to get them, she came home and said she'd like one, 'everyone was getting them.' I told her we'd see, did she really want it? No, but she wanted to have what the other kids did. (Other than Barbie, she didn't play with dolls much). I wasn't convinced that was a great way to spend over $30, and fight crowds. My SIL was going and asked if she could get one for my daughter, I said, 'sure.' She ended up with one she liked, found one of her friend's didn't get one and gave it to her. LOL! She explained that she didn't really want it anyways.
 
yep! a little disappointment now and then never hurt anybody. Our kids will just be the next generation of gimmme gimmmme people if we don't stop the bs. Last year I went to our local theatre and bought tickets with enough money on them for popcorn and a drink.. All the kids got them. They loved them.. memories are what make Christmas,, not things.
 
My kids have always been raised to be grateful for what you get. They really get that it's not about getting but giving. Last year I had but one small gift under the tree. When my 14 yr old realized that he started trying to give me his gifts. I turned him down. It still really is the thought that counts.

While I agree with the families in this article, I don't agree with it being only the toy makers fault. They raised their kids and their kids attitudes toward marketed items.

BTW I don't do Santa in my house. My kids have always known it was no more than a story. I've gone round and round with my in-laws over this. My MIL hated me for it. My kids get gifts from people not imaginary holiday imps. I do teach them the true story behind St Nick. How his compassion for others took him out on snowy nights to give children a little happiness on Christmas morning.

I know that no matter what I'm able to get my kids, they will be grateful.
 
My kids have always been raised to be grateful for what you get. They really get that it's not about getting but giving. Last year I had but one small gift under the tree. When my 14 yr old realized that he started trying to give me his gifts. I turned him down. It still really is the thought that counts.

While I agree with the families in this article, I don't agree with it being only the toy makers fault. They raised their kids and their kids attitudes toward marketed items.

BTW I don't do Santa in my house. My kids have always known it was no more than a story. I've gone round and round with my in-laws over this. My MIL hated me for it. My kids get gifts from people not imaginary holiday imps. I do teach them the true story behind St Nick. How his compassion for others took him out on snowy nights to give children a little happiness on Christmas morning.

I know that no matter what I'm able to get my kids, they will be grateful.

Ah when I think of Santa now, it's about the presents under the tree. I remember the Christmas my daughter was 4, my mom took her to Marshall Field's on State Street, waited lord knows how long for lunch, then to see Santa. Her request, "A nice book and every kind of Campbell's soup, except Tomato'. :lol:

That was the same year she walked into my mom's Thanksgiving morning, saw the trussed turkey and said, "Oh, we're having dog?" She was a strange child!
 
Ah when I think of Santa now, it's about the presents under the tree. I remember the Christmas my daughter was 4, my mom took her to Marshall Field's on State Street, waited lord knows how long for lunch, then to see Santa. Her request, "A nice book and every kind of Campbell's soup, except Tomato'. :lol:

That was the same year she walked into my mom's Thanksgiving morning, saw the trussed turkey and said, "Oh, we're having dog?" She was a strange child!

LOL!

I love kids, I swear, the things they come up with! :D
 
yep! a little disappointment now and then never hurt anybody. Our kids will just be the next generation of gimmme gimmmme people if we don't stop the bs. Last year I went to our local theatre and bought tickets with enough money on them for popcorn and a drink.. All the kids got them. They loved them.. memories are what make Christmas,, not things.

Movie tickets are a very good idea. I recieved them from my work last year at Christmas,enough for a family of four to go to the show. We had a family night out and really enjoyed it!
 
Ah when I think of Santa now, it's about the presents under the tree. I remember the Christmas my daughter was 4, my mom took her to Marshall Field's on State Street, waited lord knows how long for lunch, then to see Santa. Her request, "A nice book and every kind of Campbell's soup, except Tomato'. :lol:

That was the same year she walked into my mom's Thanksgiving morning, saw the trussed turkey and said, "Oh, we're having dog?" She was a strange child!

Kids are funny! I took my kids and two of their cousin's to see Santa a few years ago. One of my niece's asked Santa for lots of pretty braclets and 100 pink blankets (where she got that I have no idea...I think Santa did crochet 1pink blanket though...not 100. )
 
should kids be disappointed at christmas

No.

They will get that life if full of hard knocks without being "intentionally disappointed". What they "should" get is not being raised by TV. That spending time with family, friends and a good book or educational toy beats anything they see on TV.

They need not be punished for living in a commercially oriented society. They need to be taught how to survive in one, what to value and how to recognize the difference between need and want.
 
Now what parent would set out to disappoint a child at Christmas?

That's just nuts.

The time to crush their spirit is before Christmas.

Tell them on Christmas eve that Santa was killed in a tragic run-in with a jet or something. Explain to them that Rudolph is on life support and his glowing red nose is not expected to make it, either.

Give them an orange and tell them that henceforth if they want a toy, they'll need to get a job and buy it themselves.

If they point out that they're in elementary school and cannot get a job, take away their orange and cancel their health care, just to teach them a lesson about personal responsibility.

Such injustice and disappointment in those in charge of their lives will make them grow up bitter, and bitter people, especially people with low expectations about how they can expect to be screwed by those in charge, are better prepared for the heartbreaking disappointments of adulthood.
 
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I think where it concerns Christmas that maybe the economic crisis is a blessing in disguise. The real meaning of Christmas has been lost in a sea of commercialism for so long. Maybe this will help people remember.
 
I think where it concerns Christmas that maybe the economic crisis is a blessing in disguise. The real meaning of Christmas has been lost in a sea of commercialism for so long. Maybe this will help people remember.


Yeah, remind our children that all us Christians will get the good jobs in heaven while all the Atheists will be flipping manna burgers.

That'll cheer up those kids considerable, I'll bet.
 
Yeah, remind our children that all us Christians will get the good jobs in heaven while all the Atheists will be flipping manna burgers.

That'll cheer up those kids considerable, I'll bet.

To me Christmas is very much wrapped up with my religion, but what I meant is the spirit of giving, selfless service to others and spending time with family. I'm also not terribly concerned with cheering children up over their perceived loss of something that was never virtuous to begin with.
 
just an interesting read...what is your take on this...is part of parenting getting your kid to understand that you cant always get what you want?

My kids each get one big gift every year for Christmas and one for their birthday, and it never costs over $100. I'm a single mom, and I've made it clear to them that as a family, we have other priorities than going in debt for commercialized holidays.

They don't seem to be suffering from any major emotional trauma to date, in fact, I'd say that they are emotionally healthier than many of their peers. We also regularly shop at Goodwill for school/work clothes. The people in my area throw away many nice clothes from major retailers like Hollister and Abercrombie, and my kids are so frugal now that it amuses me. They are aghast at the idea of paying more than $20 for a pair of jeans. Yes, they've gotten that mindset from me.
 
My kids each get one big gift every year for Christmas and one for their birthday, and it never costs over $100. I'm a single mom, and I've made it clear to them that as a family, we have other priorities than going in debt for commercialized holidays.

They don't seem to be suffering from any major emotional trauma to date, in fact, I'd say that they are emotionally healthier than many of their peers. We also regularly shop at Goodwill for school/work clothes. The people in my area throw away many nice clothes from major retailers like Hollister and Abercrombie, and my kids are so frugal now that it amuses me. They are aghast at the idea of paying more than $20 for a pair of jeans. Yes, they've gotten that mindset from me.

Right on sister!

I'm not too proud, nor is my daughter, to shop at Goodwill. We find GREAT band t-shirts there, she got a Ramones one for a buck!

Thank goodness she's not into the status symbols of brand name clothing, if she was she would have to write them on with a sharpie! :lol:
 
if you set your children up to expect a lot at Christmas then yes, they will be disappointed. If you allowed your child to make endless lists of gifts and goodies they wanted every year then yes, they will be disappointed.

My daughter has NEVER written a letter to Santa asking for gifts. She believed in Santa but she was taught to believe that he would KNOW what to bring her and that she should be thankful for anything that appeared under the tree on Christmas morning. That it wasn't about how much you got but rather how much you gave.

It's saved me an endless amount of grief over the years. I don't rush out to buy the latest toy and she's never disappointed.
 

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