Sex / violence

[ErikViking]

I watched a movie the other evening with my son - he is fourteen. In the movie there was a very explicit and intimate sex scene. Well, It felt a bit akward. But then again, I don't think it is worse for him to see some naked people doing it than watching people get killed.

But when there is violence you can always discuss it. Also it is quite easy to cut if I think it is too much. "I don't want to see this, it is disgusting" Click.

But when it is sexual content I get sort of embaressed, and that annoyes me!

Anyone recognize this?

 

[HopeandGlory]

LOL - it can be awkward. As an ex-medico, I've always tried to be open with my sons and answer any . . . um . . . difficult questions as honestly and factually as possible.

To be honest - I'd prefer to catch them looking at/reading porn than reading anything too excessively violent. And I'd rather they discussed any worries about STI's or contraception with me before it was too late and we ended up visiting the clinic or fending-off the irate father of a teenaged girl!

Moderation has to be the key. As you know, toy guns for boys are frowned upon, but if you watch a group of little boys playing, they'll shoot each other with pretend guns, sticks or hands. It's natural for them to compete and natural for them to be interested in sex. Heck - by the age of fouteen, your son probably knows nearly everything there is to know!

 

[Nienna]

Most people agree that violence is bad, so we feel no guilt in curtailing our children's exposure to it. But, I think that most people would also agree that sex is a good thing. So you wonder why the embarrassment? How much is appropriate for kids?

My POV is that, while sex IS a very good thing, it's for adults who can handle its emotional repercussions. It's also a private thing, between two people (preferably married people). For these reasons, I will change the channel on any sex scenes; kids don't need to view them. But, whenever my kids have had honest questions about love, baby-making, etc, I am very open to discussing them, without embarrassment. I've even drawn pictures for my oldest daughter (10) to show her how a baby grows inside a woman's body.

 

[ErikViking]

To be honest - I'd prefer to catch them looking at/reading porn than reading anything too excessively violent.
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Heck - by the age of fouteen, your son probably knows nearly everything there is to know!

I wouldn't like to catch him with porn... but I guess I'd prefer that too over really sick violence.

Yes, I am sure you're right about him knowing alot! (Good input - thanks)

So you wonder why the embarrassment?
How much is appropriate for kids?
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It's also a private thing, between two people (preferably married people)
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Privacy is an interesting variable here! maybe it is a key to why I feel embarresed? It is private to me, so watching with someone else sort of invades my privacy?

How much would you say is appropriate for a 14 year old? I mean, it is not porn we are talking about, but naked people seems okay. People (seemingly) making love too...

 

[Nienna]

I wouldn't like to catch him with porn... but I guess I'd prefer that too over really sick violence.

Yes, I am sure you're right about him knowing alot! (Good input - thanks)



Privacy is an interesting variable here! maybe it is a key to why I feel embarresed? It is private to me, so watching with someone else sort of invades my privacy?

How much would you say is appropriate for a 14 year old? I mean, it is not porn we are talking about, but naked people seems okay. People (seemingly) making love too...

LOL! As a mom, I NEVER want to witness my kids seeing sex. But, maybe, by 14, they're mature enough to witness a not-too-graphic scene, as long as they submit to a talk about how unmarried sex is inappropriate in real life, emotionally harmful, etc. JMO

 

[dmp]

I would approach it like this maybe:


Son - those people shouldn't be having sex - they aren't even married/committed to eachother. I hope they don't end up regretting doing that. It seems everything we do has a consequence - Eating too much, speeding, electing Liberals to Office; we've just got to be prepared for those consequences such as getting fat, paying a ticket, or ruining our society thru over-taxation and political correctness.


Or something...

 

[ErikViking]

LOL! As a mom, I NEVER want to witness my kids seeing sex. But, maybe, by 14, they're mature enough to witness a not-too-graphic scene, as long as they submit to a talk about how unmarried sex is inappropriate in real life, emotionally harmful, etc. JMO

I know what you mean! (And my wife would know excactly what you mean)

Unmarried sex isn't that big issue here, responsibility is - and attitudes. But not marriage. What is the (if there is) "standard"? Here I think it is roughly like this:

Move out - live alone
Meet someone
Live together
Get married in 60-70% (Just a hunch based on people I know)

 

[ErikViking]

I would approach it like this maybe:


Son - those people shouldn't be having sex - they aren't even married/committed to eachother. I hope they don't end up regretting doing that. It seems everything we do has a consequence - Eating too much, speeding, electing Liberals to Office; we've just got to be prepared for those consequences such as getting fat, paying a ticket, or ruining our society thru over-taxation and political correctness.


Or something...

Didn't that sort of spoil a good movie? I don't have to tell him (I hope) not to rob banks if happens to happen in a movie. Besides I would feel equally akward if couple in the movie was married. What was his response to that?

 

[dmp]

Didn't that sort of spoil a good movie? I don't have to tell him (I hope) not to rob banks if happens to happen in a movie. Besides I would feel equally akward if couple in the movie was married. What was his response to that?

I was guessing what i'd do - my kids are young still.

You don't have to tell him to rob banks because Robbing a Bank isn't something with which he'll be bombarded through Music, Media, and peer-pressure.




If the couple were married, I'd probably just let it go. Or - try to watch a movie FIRST, so I'd know to keep my kids from seeing it.

 

[-Cp]

First off - I want to see those pictures Mom4 drew for her daughter!

Secondly - here's a clue: how about pre'screening movies BEFORE your kids watch it?

Thirdly - if you haven't, umm.. you can TURN IT OFF! I know; what a concept..

Fourth - Violence in and of itself is NOT worse than sex - as sex outside of God's plan for it is a sin one commits against his own body (the temple)...

I get so sick and tired of people and their candy-assed attitued "Oh, we have to protect the children against seeing violence - but here's some consoms free from school - go hump like a bunch of rabbits"..

GET OVER IT! Life all around us is violent and it's not inherintly a sin. Ever watch Animal Planet or National Geographic where they show a pack of Lionesses hunting down some food? Now THAT is Graphic Violence....

I'm all for letting my kids (who are mature enough) watch movies most candy-asses would consider "too violent" - Passion of the Christ, The Patriot (with Mel Gibson), maybe even Saving Private Ryan...

Those kinds of movies depict a VERY REAL violence that shows we live in a violent world and reminds us all that there ARE things worth fighting for and *gasp* dying for..

You can have your decision to show your kids two, unmarried people, getting it on all day if you want - that's your decision, but one I think is jacked up..

I'm with mom4 (I'm really starting to like her lots! ) - it's something that should be private between two MARRIED people - anything other than that cheapens God's plan for sex.

 

[dmp]

I'm with mom4 (I'm really starting to like her lots! )

Hey Buddy...know your place...I called dibs.

 

[Nienna]

I'm with mom4 (I'm really starting to like her lots! )...

I like you lots, too, -cP.

 

[ErikViking]

Varied input, thanks!

 

[-Cp]

I like you lots, too, -cP.

See dmp? She's "on to me"