Sex & Marriage

[Nienna]

So now my next question.

So, were they happy, truly happy? Or did they just stay together because that's what was done; had more stamina, a stronger fortitude? Have we become soft?

And I quote, "Love is permament" & "Love never dies".

So, does that mean, that those of us who have had the misfortune of experiencing divorce have NEVER truly loved???

I don't think you could say that. Most divorces start out being one-sided, or so I've read. The one who is being sued for divorce maybe never stopped loving.

I think love has many dimensions. I think "sticking it out" is one of those dimensions.

And what is meant by "Love never dies"? The feeling certainly comes and goes, even for those who would agree that they are "in love."

I think too many people these days get past the feeling of passion that is usually there at the beginning, and they assume it is over. Like Darin & Abbey have said, they have to develop intimacy. Also, there are just simply too many selfish people in our culture. People don't want to work on it, to stay the course, or GIVE. They want the narcissistic excitement of the early days to go on forever, to feed the adoration of self. When it comes down to diapers and bills and morning breath, those people don't want to give the love and support it takes to get each other through real life. Love at its very root is UNSELFISH. So, maybe those people never truly did love. Maybe they were too immature to really give like that.

But intimacy is built on those every-day things. It's being able to trust that someone will still be there with you when you are at your worst. It's being open, sharing, melding your lives. When something impacts the life of one, the other is automatically involved. It's being able to draw strength from each other. Being familiar and able to sense each other's thoughts & feelings, willingness to give space, and acceptance when the need for space is over. Etc.

 

[Joz]

...... The one who is being sued for divorce maybe never stopped loving.
I think love has many dimensions. I think "sticking it out" is one of those dimensions.
And what is meant by "Love never dies"? The feeling certainly comes and goes, even for those who would agree that they are "in love."

"True love never dies". You love your children right? Can you imagine NEVER loving them?
My point is, if you're "sticking it out" is it TRUE love? Love shouldn't have to be "stuck out". And if you're divorcing, the relationship wasn't based on true love. Something was awry on some level; someplace.

...... Love at its very root is UNSELFISH. So, maybe those people never truly did love. Maybe they were too immature to really give like that.

But love between a couple IS conditional.

But intimacy is built on those every-day things. It's being able to trust that someone will still be there with you when you are at your worst. It's being open, sharing, melding your lives. When something impacts the life of one, the other is automatically involved. It's being able to draw strength from each other. Being familiar and able to sense each other's thoughts & feelings, willingness to give space, and acceptance when the need for space is over. Etc.

 

[Nienna]

"True love never dies". You love your children right? Can you imagine NEVER loving them?
My point is, if you're "sticking it out" is it TRUE love? Love shouldn't have to be "stuck out".

I have to disagree. Sometimes you DO just have to stick it out, even though it feels like pure Hell. My parents "stuck it out," and in the end, they were both VERY glad they did. I read somewhere that, of a group of people who were considering divorce, the ones who stuck it out were happier 5 years later than the ones who didn't.

And if you're divorcing, the relationship wasn't based on true love. Something was awry on some level; someplace.

I don't know much about divorce. I have never been divorced, and neither were my parents.

But love between a couple IS conditional.

I don't know what this means. I thought love was supposed to be unconditional.

 

[dmp]

I think we need to stop basing our judgements of outcomes using 'happiness'. Happiness is relative. The argument could have been made that with the right person, you don't 'have' to go thru hell just to be happy at the end of your life. I think that with a certain special kind of person one can have happiness throughout. Not specific, situational happiness, but over-all.

 

[Joz]

I have to disagree. Sometimes you DO just have to stick it out, even though it feels like pure Hell. My parents "stuck it out," and in the end, they were both VERY glad they did. I read somewhere that, of a group of people who were considering divorce, the ones who stuck it out were happier 5 years later than the ones who didn't.

I think we agree here, we're just going at it from different angles.
The committment of staying together thru all the crap life throws at you IS LOVE. What I was referring to "sticking it out" is the long, miserable, bitter, life that you see some people enduring. All because the word "divorce" isn't in their vocabulary. I don't think they love, it's just something they tolerate, for whatever reason.

I don't know much about divorce. I have never been divorced, and neither were my parents.

My parents got close a couple of times. But I was married 21 years before mine ended. Could things have been worked out? It's futile to speculate, right? Learn & move on???

I don't know what this means. I thought love was supposed to be unconditional.

Who said? God love's us. He loved us enough to come & die for our sins. He wants to see us in heaven with Him. BUT for the relationship to work, the love has to be reciprocated. We have to love freely Him in return.
"And the Lord said, My Spirit shall not always strive with man"....... Even God has his boundries.

 

[Joz]

I think we need to stop basing our judgements of outcomes using 'happiness'. Happiness is relative. The argument could have been made that with the right person, you don't 'have' to go thru hell just to be happy at the end of your life. I think that with a certain special kind of person one can have happiness throughout. Not specific, situational happiness, but over-all.

 

[Joz]

Were there warning signs/ red flags during the courting period of your relationship? Did you heed them or did you, for whatever reason, ignore them & go ahead with the marriage?

Why do you suppose this happens? Sex too early clouds alot of judgement. But what if you aren't sexually active wile dating?

 

[Nienna]

Were there warning signs/ red flags during the courting period of your relationship? Did you heed them or did you, for whatever reason, ignore them & go ahead with the marriage?

Why do you suppose this happens? Sex too early clouds alot of judgement. But what if you aren't sexually active wile dating?

I'm not going to TOUCH this question, Joz!

 

[dmp]

I'm not going to TOUCH this question, Joz!

[spaceballs The Movie=on]Whatsa Matta COL Sanders.......CHICKEN?????[/Lord Helmet]

 

[Nienna]

[spaceballs The Movie=on]Whatsa Matta COL Sanders.......CHICKEN?????[/Lord Helmet]

Bawk! Bawk!

 

[dmp]

But maybe somebody else could learn from your experience?

 

[Nienna]

But maybe somebody else could learn from your experience?

I've given up "teaching."

 

[dmp]

I've given up "teaching."

I promise nobody here will say "I just got into a fight about that" or brag about pimpin'

 

[Nienna]

I promise nobody here will say "I just got into a fight about that" or brag about pimpin'

Thank GAWD! That would send me to the foot of the class!

 

[Joz]

Looks like my thread is going limp.

 

[dmp]

I saw warning signs, and didn't heed them. It's my fault...but now my marriage is in the toilet because of it. Was it a 'bad decision' to get married? No. Did I learn something? Sure did.

Warning signs are there to WARN YOU!

 

[Bonnie]

Definitely need both. But I have to agree with Joz that there is something special about sex. It was designed by God to be the symbol of the marriage, the act that actually defines marriage. If you are mad at each other, going your separate ways each day, too busy for each other... Doing/saying nice things for/to each other can certainly help. But one good round of sex bonds you together on a whole different level.

Sex and intimacy is the one thing that sets marriage apart form all of your other relarionships in life, so I really agree with what you said here.

 

[dmp]

Sex and intimacy is the one thing that sets marriage apart form all of your other relarionships in life, so I really agree with what you said here.

During marital counseling a few years ago, the guy said Friendship is the MOST important aspect of a marriage.

"I beg to differ. Marriage MUST be more than a friendship. Without Passion, a couple may as well be roommates."


He just looked at me and blinked a few times...I stopped going a week later.

 

[Bonnie]

During marital counseling a few years ago, the guy said Friendship is the MOST important aspect of a marriage.

"I beg to differ. Marriage MUST be more than a friendship. Without Passion, a couple may as well be roommates."


He just looked at me and blinked a few times...I stopped going a week later.

Actually friendship is usually the foundation for good sex (in marriage that is). I wouldn't think they are mutually exclusive of eachother?

 

[Abbey Normal]

Looks like my thread is going limp.

I'm sorry. Uh, this has never happened to me before.