Sex and The Sixities

Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by Madeline, May 3, 2010.

  1. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    In a few more years I will be sixty, which is unimaginable to me. In my head, I am still 19. If you had asked me back in the day what life at sixty would be like, I would never have guessed this.

    For sure, there are losses due to aging. Physically I'm not the woman I was at 19...or 39..or....49. If I have one serious regret, it is that I did not work harder to save my strength and flexibility. Yes, I know I could gain back ground...but I also never knew it could change this much.

    But there have also been gains. When I was 19, my big concern about men was "does he like me"? But at 55-ish, it's totally different...it is not my job to figure out what he likes...my job is to figure out what I like. And that's not an easy thing to do. The same effort is required to find joy in work, clients, homes and so on.

    At 19, I was very idealistic, and one of my values was what we called "anti-materialism". Meaning we looked down on the rich and swore never to be one. I got that nonsense out of head at 25, when my kidlet was born. If you can't pay for the doctor your child needs, you know things must change.

    But it doesn't stop at "enough money". Soon, the need to pay for medical care is supplanted by the "need" to buy the child anything and everything they want or you want them to want. Somewhere around 40 I looked around and decided that past a point, money was just not a motivator for me. If you're driving a Volvo but grieving because you cannot afford a Porsche...that's a mistake, I think.

    There is not a single thing I have ever bought that today brings me joy. If the house caught fire, I'd take photos, short stories and paintings -- but never, ever anything that insurance could replace.

    I have regrets of course, but I'm more or less past grieving over them. The rest of my life is much more interesting to me than the past. I have lived long enough to know that no matter what I have done, thought of doing, or not done....someone else has committed greater sins. I don't care how twisted and sick you are...there is someone else who makes you look like a school crossing guard.

    It's far too late for any man to be the complete center of my world. Maybe it was too late for me to place a man in the Center of My Universe even at 19. I have too many people I love and issues I care about and beauty and art that move me to sweep all of it aside and just focus on him. I trust my friends more than I do my lovers, and I expect my friends to be permanent parts of my life...I have not felt like that about a lover in years.

    So much of life is appealing that I am only willing to sample the finest from here on out. I cannot spare the time or energy for a bad relationship, because there is far too much else of great joy on offer. If I knew today I'd never have another lover I'd be sad...but if I knew I had to have even one more relationship in which I had to pretend he was someone other than who he is, I'd be truely anquishedl.

    I do not yearn for a long, long life. I have some poor health habits, like smoking, but even though I know that smoking may shorten my life I am unwilling to be enslaved to the hope of the most distant date of death possible. I don't know many people in their 90's with a great quality of life...and a decade of languishing holds no appeal for me. Smoking has always brought me pleasure, and trying to quit has always been terribly painful. I just do not see the point of living in distress.

    Aging has not disfigured me all that much....mainly I have a squishy body, almost like a baby's. It has not made me sexually irrelevant. By now I know, no matter what, there will always be someone (likely a gaggle of someones) who wants me. The fact is I may not want any of them...but no one, regardless of any feature of their lives or selves, is utterly without lustful admirers. Even death row inmates have their ardent suitors.

    Time has taught me that sorrow is the gate to joy, to growth, to knowledge, to beauty. When I have been terribly sad I have developed a capacity for joy I never could have if I were constantly contented. I have also learned that life is change. If you're happy today...it will change someday...and you will be sad. If you are sad...you will eventually be happy. If you are in a great relationship...eventually it will end, if only by death. If you are single...the odds are you will one day be involved again.

    During far too much of my life, I was motivated by fear. Because I envisioned terrible things happening if I chose to act, I remained passive. But almost without exception, most things I feared so deeply happened anyway. Not only did I survive them, but many have brought me joy I never even suspected could be had. Fear -- in the absence of danger -- is a foolish, wasteful thing.

    Will I ever fall in love again? Maybe not...I don't fall easily. I don't worry about it. I think if someone wonderful came along I'd have the sense to reach out, but living alone and being single has brought me great peace and comfort I would not have if I were involved.

    If you worry about growing old, and you are younger than I, it may comfort you to know that life at 50 or 60 is an adventure and offers freedoms and securities you do not have today. I very strongly suspect that this trend continues into the 70's and beyond as well. A sixty year old has more in common with a 19 year old than a 30 year old would have, because (most times) both are responsible only for themselves, and both have lives constrained only by their own rules.

    Age is not "just a number" and I'd be lying if I said I never wished for the body and the opportunities I had at 19. Still in all, I am not wistful for my 30's or 40's...decades in my life when work and parenthood had me stressed out all the time. I get to be selfish again, and it's wonderful.

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRbtVpMn43I]YouTube - John Lee Hooker - Rock Me Baby[/ame]
     
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  2. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Bingo!

    I actually just wrote lengthy post confirming yours, Mad, but then it occured to me that this song probably sums it up so much than I could.




    From the musical Gigi





















     
  3. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    editec, if you have kidlets you may know the books of Shel Silverstein. Your poem reminded me of "The Giving Tree". I loved it. Thank you so much!

    http://adamsalamon.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/the_giving_tree.jpg?w=289&h=378

    One of my dear friends was Shel's lover off and on for over 25 years. He was a freak in bed and they smoked the sheets, right up to his death in 1999

    [​IMG]

    Shel Silverstein Page in Fuller Up, The Dead Musicians Directory

    He's one of my heros partially because I have that inside dope on him. When I go, I want my epitath to be:

    Zowie! Holy Shit! That was one fine, batshit-driving, amazing broad!
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2010
  4. Big Black Dog
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    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

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    My wife has just recently turned 60. Inspite of some serious injuries from an auto accident, she is still just as beautiful, sexy and as witty as she was when I first met her back in 1970. I can see some changes in her beliefs and style since I first met her but she's still as fun as a barrel of monkeys. Age is whatever you want it to be. If you want to act like an old person at 60, then you will become an old person. If you still have some fire in the furnace, turn up the heat and enjoy life. Don't act old just because of the age you are stuck with. You can't do anything about getting old but you can do something about the attitude.
     
  5. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    Count Dracula, nothin' is sexier than a married man who openly lusts after his wife.

    Many blessings on ♥ you both. ♥

     
  6. Granny
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    Granny Gold Member

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    Great post, Maddy!! Old is better. You can sort of take the attitude, "At this age, I'm entitled to do ... go... be ... " etc. Older women make good lovers - you don't have to worry about pregnancy anymore ... you don't really feel so compelled to have a man as the center of your existence, so you can kind of 'let it all hang out' ... you can actually get away with more stuff than you could when you were a lot younger and had responsibilities that had to be met.

    Age has been very good to me. I'll be 67 later this year. I always had a great complexion - no horrors with blackheads and zits and acne, so the face is still in pretty good shape. I've always been blessed with good health. I can still go out in public wearing short shorts without scaring the hell out of small children and setting dogs off howling and snarling. Unfortunately, I too, am an on-again off-again smoker. I don't know how many times I have quit smoking and then started up again.

    When I first lost my job, I was not only angry but was having no luck finding another job. Then one time when my son was home on leave we were discussing my finances and I say, "You know, I don't know whether God is punishing me or whether he's telling me that I have pulled my weight and now's the time to give it up." It was sort of like a light bulb going of in my head. I quit worrying, I quit looking for employment ... and suddenly grew very fond of the idea that I didn't have to get up, get all dressed up, fight the demons who made rush hour traffic a nightmare, put up with stress and other bull shit all day long, then fight the rush hour maniacs AGAIN to get back home. 'Tis been nice. :)

    I do exercise, though - do a lot of walking. (And I highly recommend Sketchers Shape Ups sneakers for walking.)

    Keep enjoying, girlfriend!
     
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  7. namvet
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    namvet Gold Member

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    great post. thanks for sharing it. im a tad older than you but we have rowed in the same boat.
     
  8. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    That's possible. Where'd ya go to college namvet?

    LOL...omg, were we lucky! AFTER the Pill and Before Aids.

    "Sex, drugs and rock and roll" was not just a slogan, he he.

    [​IMG]

    Cool points if you have read this book. And if not, read it...best porn I ever read, even still.
     
  9. namvet
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    namvet Gold Member

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    university of Saigon :lol: ...................4 years of trade school
     
  10. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    .


    Word!
     

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