Separation & Divorce Impact on Children

[Bonzi]

I've had one biological Dad and 5 step-Dads..You get to where you don't notice after the second divorce...

Oh no, you definitely notice you just get calloused ...put up walls. Or lose total respect for parents in general.

 

[Moonglow]

I've had one biological Dad and 5 step-Dads..You get to where you don't notice after the second divorce...

Oh no, you definitely notice you just get calloused ...put up walls. Or lose total respect for parents in general.

I was buzy living my own life..No need to even notice...

 

[Bonzi]

I've had one biological Dad and 5 step-Dads..You get to where you don't notice after the second divorce...

Oh no, you definitely notice you just get calloused ...put up walls. Or lose total respect for parents in general.

I was buzy living my own life..No need to even notice...

well I don't know how old you were - I'm not making any blanket statements. There's a lot of research out there, and of course I have my own experience to draw on. Not only as a child but having children as well... either way, people will do what they will do. None of my bizness!

 

[Moonglow]

My eldes

I've had one biological Dad and 5 step-Dads..You get to where you don't notice after the second divorce...

Oh no, you definitely notice you just get calloused ...put up walls. Or lose total respect for parents in general.

I was buzy living my own life..No need to even notice...

well I don't know how old you were - I'm not making any blanket statements. There's a lot of research out there, and of course I have my own experience to draw on. Not only as a child but having children as well... either way, people will do what they will do. None of my bizness!

My eldest son's Mom never recognized his existence after we got divorced, he was 18 months at the time..We did several counseling sessions to help him understand why people abandon their kids....

 

[Bonzi]

My eldes

I've had one biological Dad and 5 step-Dads..You get to where you don't notice after the second divorce...

Oh no, you definitely notice you just get calloused ...put up walls. Or lose total respect for parents in general.

I was buzy living my own life..No need to even notice...

well I don't know how old you were - I'm not making any blanket statements. There's a lot of research out there, and of course I have my own experience to draw on. Not only as a child but having children as well... either way, people will do what they will do. None of my bizness!

My eldest son's Mom never recognized his existence after we got divorced, he was 18 months at the time..We did several counseling sessions to help him understand why people abandon their kids....

It's hard because kids process information differently at different ages. Toddlers etc. have a hard time seeing outside of themselves. The world revolves around them, so, the view anything that happens to be caused by them. Everything is internalized. I know there is an age, I have read various ages, where thing are "imprinted" I your personality. I believe the age could be as young as (in the case of your son) 18 months.... but I have heard 2-3 years.

 

[ChrisL]

As an adult, you deal with your issues. No using your parents as an excuse once you're an adult. Buck up!

 

[ChrisL]

Just remember about all the people who have had or do have it MUCH worse than you.

 

[Bonzi]

I don't blame my parents for anything, but it does have an impact on you when you're younger.
As an adult, you can see it and change it. I don't disagree.

 

[ChrisL]

I don't blame my parents for anything, but it does have an impact on you when you're younger.
As an adult, you can see it and change it. I don't disagree.

So can a lot of things if you let them. Everyone has a sad story. Everyone.

 

[saveliberty]

People often remark how my ex and I handled our divorce. Everything from carefully unwinding finances so as to keep both of us financially okay to joint custody to acting civil most of the time. A lot of folks simply say I could not do that.

She was not faithful, so I had to make the best choices I could for the kids. She filed, not me. She made over twice what I did, but I paid support and she got all the tax deductions. So what?

 

[Dhara]

Divorce is devastating to children

It's certainly traumatic, AND kids can recover with good support. It helps if the separating spouses remain friends for the benefit of their children.

 

[Bonzi]

Relationships get damaged that can never be repaired (with the children)

What is done, can not be undone.

It's just a matter of degrees. How much are you willing to sacrifice. How selfless can you be?

 

[Disir]

Relationships with children get damaged because one or both parents is a clown. Children are resilient. Not getting divorced doesn't make that one parent less of a clown.

 

[Bonzi]

They don't have to be a clown. Sometimes just not informed. On what they need to do to "lessen" the impact.
But like I say, people need to live their own lives. Not my bizness

 

[Alex.]

Whether the parents stay to together or not is immaterial as long as the child is nurtured. Staying together for the sake of the child is never good and the child will have to deal with the residual problems of a bad model. If the parents break up at least the child will have some time with the parents to discuss and resolve questions they may have.

 

[Bonzi]

But some people split up just because they are not head over heels in love. If the environment is bad, that's one thing, if they are just bored, but functional and content - that is another.

Again, I would need to really research some psychology on this, but, I still believe if you at least LIKE your spouse or even LOVE them (even if the passion is gone) keeping it together for the kids at least until they are adults is probably best... I could be wrong...

 

[Alex.]

Being "in like" is not a good reason for divorce. I believe that should have it's own thread. Divorce for bone fide reasons should occur staying together does no good for anyone.

 

[Bonzi]

Being "in like" is not a good reason for divorce. I believe that should have it's own thread. Divorce for bone fide reasons should occur staying together does no good for anyone.

What would you consider "bona fide" reason(s)?

 

[Alex.]

Being "in like" is not a good reason for divorce. I believe that should have it's own thread. Divorce for bone fide reasons should occur staying together does no good for anyone.

What would you consider "bona fide" reason(s)?

Actions or behavior that threatens the family unit to the degree that myself or the child would suffer immeasurable and irreversible harm.