A family-oriented magazine that calls itself "The NYC Parents' Guide to Culture & Entertainment," in one fell swoop, saddened, disappointed, and outraged me with their "Family Portrait." Prior to this issue, the articles didn't contain material that couldn't be discussed in front of children.
For those of you who believe that the culture war doesn't exist, here's a-priori evidence that it does. In addition to the two steps I've taken: 1) discarding the magazine and 2) writing a letter to the editor, help me relieve my frustration. Are there any other suggestions? And please don't tell me to get over it.
Family portrait - Time Out New York Kids
For those of you who believe that the culture war doesn't exist, here's a-priori evidence that it does. In addition to the two steps I've taken: 1) discarding the magazine and 2) writing a letter to the editor, help me relieve my frustration. Are there any other suggestions? And please don't tell me to get over it.
Family portrait
The Cavanahs, Park Slope
Tom Ackerman, Claire Cavanah, and Quill Cavanah, 3
Claire Cavanah, 44, was raised in Casper, Wyoming, by a widowed Republican father who never discussed sex. In 1993, she cofounded the feminist sex shop Babeland in Seattle; five years later, she moved to New York City and expanded the business. Today, Babeland has three locations in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Cavanahs three-year-old son, Quillconceived with a generous donation from a friend, Tom Ackermanloves a good vibrator.
How did you come up with the idea for Babeland?
I was in Seattle in the early 90s, and my friend Rachel Venning and I wanted to start a business. We talked about opening a coffeeshop, but I didnt want to clean up after people. Rachel saw some lube on my table, and I told her I had gotten a gift certificate to a sex store. I didnt like the lube or the store, and we realized we could create a sex place that people would want to come to. It was a eureka moment, and were still following it. We want a Babeland dildo on every nightstand.
You come from a small town. How does your family feel about your choices: a sex store and single parenthood?
My dad was waiting for me to do something spectacular. I went to Putney, a private boarding school in Vermont, and I had a great undergrad education at Brown. But when I told him what I wanted, the conversation got out of control. We didnt talk for a year.
Has Dad come around?
Yes. The Soho store was the first he visited. When we were mentioned in O magazine in 2006, it confirmed our legitimacy for him. Now he calls us a small business; and because of that, he says, I should become a Republican. Thats not going to happen.
If you could change something about our culture in regard to sex, what would it be?I would change the laws. You cant come into Babeland without a legal guardian if youre younger than 18. I would allow 15- and 16-year-olds to come in and get straight talk about sex. I wish we could have a BabelandKids, like GapKids, for teenagers.
What are you most proud of?
When we first got here, Mayor Giuliani was trying to zone the sex stores. He didnt want them within 500 feet of a house of worship, a school or residences. We broke all those rules. We had tenants living upstairs, a temple across the street, a middle school nearby. In spite of all that, weve become a house brand in New York. Zagat gave us an award for customer service. We beat out Bloomingdales and Van Cleef & Arpels!
Does Quill know what Mommy does for a living?
I plan to introduce him to it. I dont want to keep my domestic and professional lives separate. That would be untenable and crazy.
Do you ever take Quill to work?
I did once, to the Park Slope store, and he was playing in the window. People on the street took out their iPhones and started taking pictures. Next thing I knew it was on Gawker.
Oy.
Yeah. I want to protect him from this prurient interest in what I do. I have to help him be the kid whose mom owns a store that sells penises.
The school teasing is going to be a bitch.
Its gonna happen. My fervent wish is that well have the kind of relationship that he will tell me. If we have a strong enough bond, he can come home and find sanctuary in that. Maybe I can make a Faustian bargain at that moment that our culture will really change, and hell be the coolest kid in school.
Maybe hell become a Republican.
ROTC, I know. Thats my fatehes going with Granddaddy into the Navy.
Has Quill ever found your toys at home?
He has two vibrators as toys, the G-Spotter and the Laya Spot. Its a microphone to him. Hes a bit of a performer and sings into the vibrator. Hey, Tickle Me Elmo is a vibrator. I believe vibration is like a force of life: When you sing, youre vibrating.
Tell me about your sperm donor.
Tom is from my hometown, and I reconnected with him in New York. Quill and I hang out with him once a week. Quill calls him Tom, but he is just now getting the fact that hes his dad. I do 100 percent of the parenting, though.
Was the fertilization process difficult?
No. I got pregnant really fast. I did it punk-rock style in my house, with a little syringe and nice music. I did everything the books told me. I had orgasms and it was great. I felt like I was transforming my whole life.
One more question. Do you ever lie about what you do for a living?
Only on a plane when I dont want to talk to the person for five hours. Other than that, I tell anyone. It isnt worth the obfuscation. But on a plane, I say I have a bookstore.
Susan Avery
Family portrait - Time Out New York Kids
