Restraining orders question.

[Foxfyre]

I think 13, 14 is a really difficult age for teenage girls though. They're still children but they're into puberty, their hormones are raging, they are impatient to be much more emanicipated as far as having total freedom, and most of us parents aren't up to that yet. If there is going to be serious rebellion, I think it probably shows up at that age more often than any other. And it does require a firm hand and a great deal of resolve on the part of parents to manage it.

So they are angry, go through wide mood swings, think their parents are totally outdated, unreasonable idiots, and say a lot of stuff that rational people don't say. But deep down, they are also afraid of their own impulses and maybe not even consciously, they want limits and want to know somebody is in charge.

And that sometimes is no fun at all for the parents.

Boys I think get really obnoxious a bit later--15, 16, 17 in there somewhere.

Taking away the bedroom door for serious offenses is a really good idea though. That would certainly provide an incentive for the kid to clean up his/her act.

 

[AllieBaba]

When My kid need to figure out the limits he lost his bedroom door and everything else ,
As he regained control he got his door back and his privilege.

Taking away a bedroom door from a teenage boy? God - that's cold.

Yes, and the boy suffers as well.

 

[editec]

Is it possible to get a restraining order on a parent (of one of your children's friends) Who keeps helping them sneak out of the house at night without permission? It happened again last night,even though I warned this man twice about this very thing in the past month. Anyone know? I am going to visit a near by police substation this weekend and see what can be done about this guy...just curious if anyone knows.

It's up to a judge to decide.

If you have a legitmate complaint (one you can document), you'll probably find a sympathetic judge.

 

[Shadow]

I think 13, 14 is a really difficult age for teenage girls though. They're still children but they're into puberty, their hormones are raging, they are impatient to be much more emanicipated as far as having total freedom, and most of us parents aren't up to that yet. If there is going to be serious rebellion, I think it probably shows up at that age more often than any other. And it does require a firm hand and a great deal of resolve on the part of parents to manage it.

So they are angry, go through wide mood swings, think their parents are totally outdated, unreasonable idiots, and say a lot of stuff that rational people don't say. But deep down, they are also afraid of their own impulses and maybe not even consciously, they want limits and want to know somebody is in charge.

And that sometimes is no fun at all for the parents.

Boys I think get really obnoxious a bit later--15, 16, 17 in there somewhere.

Taking away the bedroom door for serious offenses is a really good idea though. That would certainly provide an incentive for the kid to clean up his/her act.

That is pretty accurate. My daughter tells me one of the following pretty often when wanting to do something she knows she can't.."it's my life"..."you treat me like a baby"..."I have rights".

But, she also wants your total support in other areas. And will eventually apologize when she knows she is over the line...after a time,but she does usually come around. She also can't explain why she acts the way she does. She has stated such several times...I know why though...she is frustrated because she see's some of her friends having free reign over the land...so she thinks she should be entitled to the same.

You are also right about mood swings...one day she will be loving,caring and helpful...the next... hell on wheels. Good times LOL

I would normally agree about the bedroom door...but her room is not really her refuge. Instead she usually loses access to her social network (she is a social butterfly)...phone, internet etc..

 

[syrenn]

Just be careful of the line: If you don't like it here you can just leave.

My mother tried that with me, and I said your right and left.

 

[Foxfyre]

Just be careful of the line: If you don't like it here you can just leave.

My mother tried that with me, and I said your right and left.

My son once informed me that he had had all he could take and he was running away from home. I said okay, I'd help him pack. Where did he think he would go?

"I'll move into the garage" he said.

I said okay. We'll have to work out something for rent and laundry.

"Rent!!!" he said. "I wouldn't think you'd charge your own kid rent."

By that time he had forgotten what he was mad about.

 

[ConHog]

Just be careful of the line: If you don't like it here you can just leave.

My mother tried that with me, and I said your right and left.

My son once informed me that he had had all he could take and he was running away from home. I said okay, I'd help him pack. Where did he think he would go?

"I'll move into the garage" he said.

I said okay. We'll have to work out something for rent and laundry.

"Rent!!!" he said. "I wouldn't think you'd charge your own kid rent."

By that time he had forgotten what he was mad about.

When I was 16 I got grounded for something, don't remember now, but anyway my cousin was standing outside my bedroom window and I was bitching to him that if I had $400 I'd get it my car and leave and never come home. My door came flying open, my dad threw $400 on the bed and told me I had 30 minutes to get packed and get out.

Mom intervened, but I never made such statements again.

 

[Immanuel]

you need to teach him his boundaries....cause he aint picking it up without someone pounding him...

first...what parent goes....o yea you mom is good with you coming over at 1 am...

2nd....what kinda perv is this?

have you dont a sex offender check on the net? his name?

you got a husband or brother? or mean ass boyfriend....call on the team....call on the team muscle to go explain the boundaries and do it now

Yes, I have now figured out that this jerk thinks that he can walk all over me because I am a woman. One of my friends told me to have the cops issue an Amber alert (I sent my brother over to get my daughter instead...he is kind of passive though,I doubt he said anything very harsh).

I like the idea of the Amber alert.

Make it plain and clear that if he comes near your daughter again you will file a kidnapping charge against him and that you will call the police. If she is found with him, that makes it kidnapping and maybe he'll get a few years behind bars to think about it.

I have two daughters, and I would not allow them to bring their girl friends home when they were younger unless their mother was home. I was not going to find myself accused of statutory rape and not have an adult witness.

Immie

 

[ConHog]

you need to teach him his boundaries....cause he aint picking it up without someone pounding him...

first...what parent goes....o yea you mom is good with you coming over at 1 am...

2nd....what kinda perv is this?

have you dont a sex offender check on the net? his name?

you got a husband or brother? or mean ass boyfriend....call on the team....call on the team muscle to go explain the boundaries and do it now

Yes, I have now figured out that this jerk thinks that he can walk all over me because I am a woman. One of my friends told me to have the cops issue an Amber alert (I sent my brother over to get my daughter instead...he is kind of passive though,I doubt he said anything very harsh).

I like the idea of the Amber alert.

Make it plain and clear that if he comes near your daughter again you will file a kidnapping charge against him and that you will call the police. If she is found with him, that makes it kidnapping and maybe he'll get a few years behind bars to think about it.

I have two daughters, and I would not allow them to bring their girl friends home when they were younger unless their mother was home. I was not going to find myself accused of statutory rape and not have an adult witness.

Immie

That aint no joke. I won't even let my 18 y/o son bring his female friends to the house if I'm here unless my wife is also here. I don't need that bullshit.

 

[Immanuel]

Yes, I have now figured out that this jerk thinks that he can walk all over me because I am a woman. One of my friends told me to have the cops issue an Amber alert (I sent my brother over to get my daughter instead...he is kind of passive though,I doubt he said anything very harsh).

I like the idea of the Amber alert.

Make it plain and clear that if he comes near your daughter again you will file a kidnapping charge against him and that you will call the police. If she is found with him, that makes it kidnapping and maybe he'll get a few years behind bars to think about it.

I have two daughters, and I would not allow them to bring their girl friends home when they were younger unless their mother was home. I was not going to find myself accused of statutory rape and not have an adult witness.

Immie

That aint no joke. I won't even let my 18 y/o son bring his female friends to the house if I'm here unless my wife is also here. I don't need that bullshit.

Just playing it safe.

My son is 18 and his girlfriend is as well. I have not had a problem with that yet... although he has been told to keep the door to his bedroom open and I find it finds its way shut all the time now.

Now the excuse is he doesn't want his ferret to get out of his room.

I think I like the idea someone (maybe you?) had of removing the door to his room.

Immie

 

[ConHog]

I like the idea of the Amber alert.

Make it plain and clear that if he comes near your daughter again you will file a kidnapping charge against him and that you will call the police. If she is found with him, that makes it kidnapping and maybe he'll get a few years behind bars to think about it.

I have two daughters, and I would not allow them to bring their girl friends home when they were younger unless their mother was home. I was not going to find myself accused of statutory rape and not have an adult witness.

Immie

That aint no joke. I won't even let my 18 y/o son bring his female friends to the house if I'm here unless my wife is also here. I don't need that bullshit.

Just playing it safe.

My son is 18 and his girlfriend is as well. I have not had a problem with that yet... although he has been told to keep the door to his bedroom open and I find it finds its way shut all the time now.

Now the excuse is he doesn't want his ferret to get out of his room.

I think I like the idea someone (maybe you?) had of removing the door to his room.

Immie

No wasn't me, not now that he's 18. I mean thre are still obligations since he does live in my house; but he's an adult, much as I hate to think that. His room is actually in the walk out basement , he has pretty much an apt down there, kitchen, bathroom, separate entrance, whatever. He can do pretty much as he wants as long as it's legal/ But bringing women to t he house when it's just me here isn't one of them.

 

[Granny]

The last piece of advice you need to take is to show up on this jerk's property with gun in hand and threatening - you would get in far more trouble than he would. But you did get some good advice about setting boundaries and enforcing them. Sometimes you may not think you will live to see your kids reach age 18 - but you will. You are the parent and, yes, children do want boundaries whether they consciously know it or not. Hang tight - you'll survive ... and somewhere down the line your children will thank you for setting and enforcing those boundaries.

You could probably get a restraining order and then some. Report the problem to the police by all means, and if a visit from the cops doesn't do the trick, then go to your city/county juvenile court and/or magistrate's office, fill out the paperwork for a hearing on a restraining order (unless you can afford a lawyer who can take care of this business for you). The thing about police is that with their experience they will probably see things that you wouldn't even think about - and that could bring more trouble than the cops down on this guy.

Things that come to mind are child molestation, parental interference, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a parent who can't or won't deal with his own daughter (leaving her wide open to get into all kinds of trouble), but in any event certainly not doing her any favors. This guy is just way out of line.

 

[Shadow]

The last piece of advice you need to take is to show up on this jerk's property with gun in hand and threatening - you would get in far more trouble than he would. But you did get some good advice about setting boundaries and enforcing them. Sometimes you may not think you will live to see your kids reach age 18 - but you will. You are the parent and, yes, children do want boundaries whether they consciously know it or not. Hang tight - you'll survive ... and somewhere down the line your children will thank you for setting and enforcing those boundaries.

You could probably get a restraining order and then some. Report the problem to the police by all means, and if a visit from the cops doesn't do the trick, then go to your city/county juvenile court and/or magistrate's office, fill out the paperwork for a hearing on a restraining order (unless you can afford a lawyer who can take care of this business for you). The thing about police is that with their experience they will probably see things that you wouldn't even think about - and that could bring more trouble than the cops down on this guy.

Things that come to mind are child molestation, parental interference, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a parent who can't or won't deal with his own daughter (leaving her wide open to get into all kinds of trouble), but in any event certainly not doing her any favors. This guy is just way out of line.

Another good idea. I don't have a lawyer,but I did pay a one time fee for a legal aid (thru the state) that I can have help me with the legal paperwork and any needed advice.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Yes, you can.

But you need to quit procrastinating and call the fucking cops now. I would also call child welfare. They might know this guy, and may have concerns for his daughter.

I called them...they said the next time it happens,to call the police dept and they will escort me to his house. They also said that,yes, I can pick up a retraining order packet on monday and talk to an officer.

I don't know about where you live, but in my state, what he's doing is technically kidnapping (taking a minor child out of your home without your permission?) and carries a maximum sentence of about 15 years in prison, something that you should have the police explain to him at the earliest possible opportunity. And then I would have the cops have a nice, long talk with your daughter about the realities of being an incorrigible juvenile delinquent and the danger her behavior is putting this jackass and his family in from the law.

 

[Cecilie1200]

When My kid need to figure out the limits he lost his bedroom door and everything else ,
As he regained control he got his door back and his privilege.

Taking away a bedroom door from a teenage boy? God - that's cold.

We did that once with my daughter. She slammed the door one too many times, so her daddy took it off the hinges and she got to earn the privilege of having it returned.

 

[Cecilie1200]

The last piece of advice you need to take is to show up on this jerk's property with gun in hand and threatening - you would get in far more trouble than he would. But you did get some good advice about setting boundaries and enforcing them. Sometimes you may not think you will live to see your kids reach age 18 - but you will. You are the parent and, yes, children do want boundaries whether they consciously know it or not. Hang tight - you'll survive ... and somewhere down the line your children will thank you for setting and enforcing those boundaries.

You could probably get a restraining order and then some. Report the problem to the police by all means, and if a visit from the cops doesn't do the trick, then go to your city/county juvenile court and/or magistrate's office, fill out the paperwork for a hearing on a restraining order (unless you can afford a lawyer who can take care of this business for you). The thing about police is that with their experience they will probably see things that you wouldn't even think about - and that could bring more trouble than the cops down on this guy.

Things that come to mind are child molestation, parental interference, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a parent who can't or won't deal with his own daughter (leaving her wide open to get into all kinds of trouble), but in any event certainly not doing her any favors. This guy is just way out of line.

I knew I'D live to see my daughter turn 18. Sometimes I wondered if SHE would, though.

 

[Shadow]

Yes, you can.

But you need to quit procrastinating and call the fucking cops now. I would also call child welfare. They might know this guy, and may have concerns for his daughter.

I called them...they said the next time it happens,to call the police dept and they will escort me to his house. They also said that,yes, I can pick up a retraining order packet on monday and talk to an officer.

I don't know about where you live, but in my state, what he's doing is technically kidnapping (taking a minor child out of your home without your permission?) and carries a maximum sentence of about 15 years in prison, something that you should have the police explain to him at the earliest possible opportunity. And then I would have the cops have a nice, long talk with your daughter about the realities of being an incorrigible juvenile delinquent and the danger her behavior is putting this jackass and his family in from the law.

I totally agree with you...both my daughter and this man need a jolt of reality.