Relationship Discussions Thread

[dmp]

Don't turn this into a, blow by blow, battle of the sexes. :happy2:

lol

Indeed. This is the Topic about Sex Discussions.

 

[freeandfun1]

lol

Indeed. This is the Topic about Sex Discussions.

fun how she used the term "blow by blow"

 

[Said1]

This is how I knew that she was the lady for me. She stays at home with the kids at the sacrifice of the riches we had before we had the kids. Now that is sacrifice that can be measured, I'll do the hard work to keep her happy and never complain. All I have to do is think about it for a little...

Think about what?

 

[Joz]

lol

Indeed. This is the Topic about Sex Discussions.

Well, if that's what you want to talk about, I think this is the thread for it. What do you want to know? :rotflmao:

 

[dilloduck]

fun how she used the term "blow by blow"

Joz doesn't miss a lick

 

[no1tovote4]

Think about what?

The fact that she stays home with the kids. That job is harder than building a barn!

 

[Said1]

The fact that she stays home with the kids. That job is harder than building a barn!

Just checking.

 

[Joz]

Joz doesn't miss a lick

:rotflmao: Don't get nasty, now. :rotflmao:

 

[dmp]

Well, if that's what you want to talk about, I think this is the thread for it. What do you want to know? :rotflmao:

I'd like to know how it all works...I just don't get it.

 

[Merlin1047]

Yup. In the thread about the lack of sex in Japanese marriages, one thing that didn't get covered is how it is usually the choice of the WOMAN to withold sex and that is usually what drives men to cheating. Not always, but more often than not.

I really don't agree at all with that assessment.

Look at Bill Clinton, JFK, and any number of famous philanderers. Cheating is about a me-first attitude. It's about lack of respect for the spouse. It's about lack of morals. It's about lack of regard for the marriage vows. Cheating is rarely IF EVER attributable to anything the other party in the marriage did or did not do. Sometimes cheating happens when a marriage is already doomed to failure and either or both parties no longer care about the relationsip.

In all our married years I have never cheated, not even once. Being away from home a lot, I've had many opportunities to indulge if I took a notion to do that. And keep in mind that I'm your basic party animal, so I tend to gravitate to situations where cheating opportunites abound. But several things always stopped me. First, when I spoke my marriage vows, I was dead serious about it. I've watched my mother go through husbands faster that I go through socks and I'm determined not to fall into that mold. Second, I love my wife and value our marriage. I know that although she feels the same, if she ever caught me cheating, my ass would be out in the street and our marriage would be over. Third, trust is an absolute necessity to me. My wife goes out with the girls whenever she pleases, I go out with the guys. I know that she isn't going to do anything that I wouldn't and I believe that she trusts me in the same way.

Then I have watched people who cheat regularly. They live in constant fear that someone will speak to their wives and unintentionally say something which will cause their entire web of lies to unravel. I can't live like that.

So I guess the bottom line is that I believe that cheating is a personal choice that someone makes and that choice is usually unrelated to anything that the other spouse may or may not have done.

 

[dilloduck]

I really don't agree at all with that assessment.

Look at Bill Clinton, JFK, and any number of famous philanderers. Cheating is about a me-first attitude. It's about lack of respect for the spouse. It's about lack of morals. It's about lack of regard for the marriage vows. Cheating is rarely IF EVER attributable to anything the other party in the marriage did or did not do. Sometimes cheating happens when a marriage is already doomed to failure and either or both parties no longer care about the relationsip.

In all our married years I have never cheated, not even once. Being away from home a lot, I've had many opportunities to indulge if I took a notion to do that. And keep in mind that I'm your basic party animal, so I tend to gravitate to situations where cheating opportunites abound. But several things always stopped me. First, when I spoke my marriage vows, I was dead serious about it. I've watched my mother go through husbands faster that I go through socks and I'm determined not to fall into that mold. Second, I love my wife and value our marriage. I know that although she feels the same, if she ever caught me cheating, my ass would be out in the street and our marriage would be over. Third, trust is an absolute necessity to me. My wife goes out with the girls whenever she pleases, I go out with the guys. I know that she isn't going to do anything that I wouldn't and I believe that she trusts me in the same way.

Then I have watched people who cheat regularly. They live in constant fear that someone will speak to their wives and unintentionally say something which will cause their entire web of lies to unravel. I can't live like that.

So I guess the bottom line is that I believe that cheating is a personal choice that someone makes and that choice is usually unrelated to anything that the other spouse may or may not have done.

I would agree--one can always choose abstinance or masturbation.

 

[freeandfun1]

I really don't agree at all with that assessment.

Look at Bill Clinton, JFK, and any number of famous philanderers. Cheating is about a me-first attitude. It's about lack of respect for the spouse. It's about lack of morals. It's about lack of regard for the marriage vows. Cheating is rarely IF EVER attributable to anything the other party in the marriage did or did not do. Sometimes cheating happens when a marriage is already doomed to failure and either or both parties no longer care about the relationsip.

In all our married years I have never cheated, not even once. Being away from home a lot, I've had many opportunities to indulge if I took a notion to do that. And keep in mind that I'm your basic party animal, so I tend to gravitate to situations where cheating opportunites abound. But several things always stopped me. First, when I spoke my marriage vows, I was dead serious about it. I've watched my mother go through husbands faster that I go through socks and I'm determined not to fall into that mold. Second, I love my wife and value our marriage. I know that although she feels the same, if she ever caught me cheating, my ass would be out in the street and our marriage would be over. Third, trust is an absolute necessity to me. My wife goes out with the girls whenever she pleases, I go out with the guys. I know that she isn't going to do anything that I wouldn't and I believe that she trusts me in the same way.

Then I have watched people who cheat regularly. They live in constant fear that someone will speak to their wives and unintentionally say something which will cause their entire web of lies to unravel. I can't live like that.

So I guess the bottom line is that I believe that cheating is a personal choice that someone makes and that choice is usually unrelated to anything that the other spouse may or may not have done.

When a spouse witholds sex, it is shows a lack intimacy. After a while, the spouse that the sex is being withelf from is going to feel unloved and is likely to look elsewhere for that compassion/intimacy.

 

[freeandfun1]

I really don't agree at all with that assessment.

Look at Bill Clinton, JFK, and any number of famous philanderers. Cheating is about a me-first attitude. It's about lack of respect for the spouse. It's about lack of morals. It's about lack of regard for the marriage vows. Cheating is rarely IF EVER attributable to anything the other party in the marriage did or did not do. Sometimes cheating happens when a marriage is already doomed to failure and either or both parties no longer care about the relationsip.

In all our married years I have never cheated, not even once. Being away from home a lot, I've had many opportunities to indulge if I took a notion to do that. And keep in mind that I'm your basic party animal, so I tend to gravitate to situations where cheating opportunites abound. But several things always stopped me. First, when I spoke my marriage vows, I was dead serious about it. I've watched my mother go through husbands faster that I go through socks and I'm determined not to fall into that mold. Second, I love my wife and value our marriage. I know that although she feels the same, if she ever caught me cheating, my ass would be out in the street and our marriage would be over. Third, trust is an absolute necessity to me. My wife goes out with the girls whenever she pleases, I go out with the guys. I know that she isn't going to do anything that I wouldn't and I believe that she trusts me in the same way.

Then I have watched people who cheat regularly. They live in constant fear that someone will speak to their wives and unintentionally say something which will cause their entire web of lies to unravel. I can't live like that.

So I guess the bottom line is that I believe that cheating is a personal choice that someone makes and that choice is usually unrelated to anything that the other spouse may or may not have done.

Also, I was mainly speaking of the Asian cultures in the post you replied to. It is that way in Korea and Japan. Often it is the women that do not want to have sex with their husbands (as they are taught it makes them into "whores" if they enjoy it) so they, for all intents and purposes, encourage the men to go elsewhere so they will be "respected" as "good" wives that don't enjoy sex.

Sounds crazy I know, but that is the way it is.

 

[Joz]

I really don't agree at all with that assessment.....
So I guess the bottom line is that I believe that cheating is a personal choice that someone makes and that choice is usually unrelated to anything that the other spouse may or may not have done.

Cheating is more aboout yourself than the other person. Usually it comes from low esteem; a feeling of defeat; something in your life, either from childhood or something more recent that makes you do this. As much as you want to place the blame on the other person, they are NOT the cause.

 

[Joz]

Also, I was mainly speaking of the Asian cultures in the post you replied to. It is that way in Korea and Japan. Often it is the women that do not want to have sex with their husbands (as they are taught it makes them into "whores" if they enjoy it) so they, for all intents and purposes, encourage the men to go elsewhere so they will be "respected" as "good" wives that don't enjoy sex.
Sounds crazy I know, but that is the way it is.

Shame the wives are cheated this way. All the work and no benefits. Isn't it something what a woman will do for respect?

 

[dmp]

When a spouse witholds sex, it is shows a lack intimacy.

also - witholding is the same as cheating; it's simply a breaking of a marriage vow; Love/Cherrish, etc... It often goes over-looked however, as people focus on the more 'dramatic' vow - the one about forsaking all others.

 

[Joz]

When a spouse witholds sex, it is shows a lack intimacy. After a while, the spouse that the sex is being withelf from is going to feel unloved and is likely to look elsewhere for that compassion/intimacy.

Even tho' I said the other person is not the cause, you can see where they are definately a contributer. Without the intimacy of your partner, your self worth/esteem begins to diminish. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you are constantly rejected. Thus you go elsewhere for the boost.

 

[Joz]

I'd like to know how it all works...I just don't get it.

You have to start. I'm not about to take that bite.

 

[Avatar4321]

I would agree--one can always choose abstinance or masturbation.

I don't think id recommend the second one. I know some men who caused the lack of sex between them and their wives cause they spent their time looking to poor and taking care of themselves. That stuff can cause serious problems in relationships and rob couples of time they deserve together.

My suggestion, just work at fixing the problem in the marriage that is causing the lack of passion. My parents have a rule that they go out on a date everyweek. If the courtship never ends you can never grow apart.

 

[dmp]

I don't think id recommend the second one. I know some men who caused the lack of sex between them and their wives cause they spent their time looking to poor and taking care of themselves. That stuff can cause serious problems in relationships and rob couples of time they deserve together.

My suggestion, just work at fixing the problem in the marriage that is causing the lack of passion. My parents have a rule that they go out on a date everyweek. If the courtship never ends you can never grow apart.

Where 'none' exists, there's nothing to rob. I think it's better than living days on end w/o any sort of 'release'...I know plenty of guys who have gone months without...their wives - one wife in particular - who has simply said she no longer wants or will allow for sex with him. He's not big on divorce; and he can't see moving to POVERTY this state's child-support Nazis invoke...so he lives with her...miserable...and praying for change.

He's a better man than I.