Read Quickly: Last Year's Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'Humor' started by PoliticalChic, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. PoliticalChic

    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

    Oct 6, 2008
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    Brooklyn, NY
    The 2008 Darwin Awards.
    > Eighth Place
    > In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
    > after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
    > his car keys.
    > Seventh Place
    > A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'
    > accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
    > Sixth Place
    > While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
    > from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it
    > collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
    > their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
    > took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.
    > Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
    > Fifth Place
    > Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
    > bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
    > flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into
    > the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
    > Fourth Place
    > Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
    > said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
    > and pull the trigger.
    > Third Place
    > After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
    > a man walked into H & J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.
    > The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
    > counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up,
    > and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
    > promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and
    > fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime
    > scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
    > subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
    > rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
    > Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
    > A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
    > what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
    > Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
    > they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle
    > of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped
    > along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
    > the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
    > who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
    > lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham'sleg and
    > then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
    > cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
    > survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby
    > fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
    > Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated
    > elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
    > figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
    > Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
    > ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The
    > sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
    > to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued
    > to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

    Get your nominees in for the 2009 Awards.

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