The 2008 Darwin Awards. > > Eighth Place > In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water > after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve > his car keys. > > Seventh Place > A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' > accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. > > Sixth Place > While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection > from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it > collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used > their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It > took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. > Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. > > Fifth Place > Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a > bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long > flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into > the base of his skull as he hit the floor. > > Fourth Place > Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who > said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth > and pull the trigger. > > Third Place > After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, > a man walked into H & J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. > The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the > counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, > and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk > promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and > fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime > scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The > subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified > rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt. > > HONOURABLE MENTION > Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 > A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see > what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed. > > RUNNER UP > Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said > they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle > of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped > along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of > the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, > who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of > lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham'sleg and > then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the > cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously > survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby > fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. > > AND THE WINNER IS... > Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated > elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, > figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. > Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the > ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The > sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt > to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued > to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. Get your nominees in for the 2009 Awards.
