Question about basic training

[Caligirl]

My nephew started basic training just a few weeks ago. We're not a military family, so he doesn't have it in his blood, but I guess he wanted to join up so he did. We expected him to do just fine, he's physically capable and bright and gave the decision a lot of thought.

We got word that he is being separated at the entry level and will be home in a couple weeks. Two questions:

1. Mainly, we're worried for him that this will be hugely demoralizing. So, what would be most helpful for us to do? Any advice is welcome. he does have a serious girlfriend waiting for him here at home, so maybe she will end up being the main thing he comes back to.

2. What do you think the reasoning is for this from the military perspective? So soon after joining up, is this sort of thing more likely poor performance on his part or a general recognition that he's not cut out for it? Why are most of these things done? Could he sort of have requested this?

thanks guys,
-caligirl

 

[Foxfyre]

My nephew started basic training just a few weeks ago. We're not a military family, so he doesn't have it in his blood, but I guess he wanted to join up so he did. We expected him to do just fine, he's physically capable and bright and gave the decision a lot of thought.

We got word that he is being separated at the entry level and will be home in a couple weeks. Two questions:

1. Mainly, we're worried for him that this will be hugely demoralizing. So, what would be most helpful for us to do? Any advice is welcome. he does have a serious girlfriend waiting for him here at home, so maybe she will end up being the main thing he comes back to.

2. What do you think the reasoning is for this from the military perspective? So soon after joining up, is this sort of thing more likely poor performance on his part or a general recognition that he's not cut out for it? Why are most of these things done? Could he sort of have requested this?

thanks guys,
-caligirl

Everybody isn't cut out for the military. I have nieces and nephews who made it through basic just fine and went on to military careers. Others simply could not or did not want to cut it including one who went D.O.R. from Naval Officer training school. One niece found out she didn't like the Navy at all and finally went AWOL in desperation. Her dad made her go back and finish her tour of duty, but she bailed at the earliest opportunity she could legally do so.

There are any number of reasons for not qualifying or not wanting to be in the military just as all of us are not qualified to do many things while we can do other things easily. I think you just reassure your nephew that he is loved, respected, and encourage him to get on with his life. No reason to think any 'failure' is the end of the world. I suppose there are those who have succeeded at everything they tried, but most of us have failed at something. Such gives us respect for our own limitations, appreciation that we really are called to do some things and not others, and that all of us are brilliant but in different ways.

If friends and family reassure your nephew of these truths, he will get over it and get on with his life just fine.

 

[Terry]

What branch did he enlist in? He washed out, could be physical, mental or he just wasn't a team player (problem child). Curious as to what branch of service he entered.

 

[Caligirl]

I thought it was Army all during the pre-enlistment family discussions but in the last email my sis said it was marines. So, probably marines.

Thanks so far - curious for any and all feedback.

 

[Terry]

If it was the Marines my guess he washed out due to the physical aspect. Even people who think they were fit learn pretty fast in BT that they are not.

 

[Terry]

Caligirl perhaps he decided it wasn't for him and he just screwed up on purpose so they would release him. That happens a lot too.

 

[AllieBaba]

Don't view it as the end of the world. It's nothing more major than a kid switching majors (heheh, kinda a pun there) a few terms in, when they find they aren't suited.

My nephew, who is BRILLIANT, has been to 3 different colleges, came home in terrible shape emotionally a couple of times, had to re-group and then head out again.

It's part of growing up. You might want to have the folks see if they can find out exactly HOW he's not cut out, in case it's something that needs to be addressed, but if it's just that he's not good at hippity-hopping on cue I wouldn't sweat it too much.

My son joined the Nat'l Guard, went to basic, did great, came home and had a HORRIBLE time with his unit. Finally transferred to Ft. Campbell in KY, where he's doing great and is treated like a human. For some reason they didn't like him in Pendleton...but then he's a couple of years older now, too.

 

[namvet]

he does have to impress nice guys like this. mine was an SOB


[youtube]4o7oKQECBjs[/youtube]

 

[alan1]

Caligirl perhaps he decided it wasn't for him and he just screwed up on purpose so they would release him. That happens a lot too.

That may be it.
A friend and I joined the Army together, once we were in, he decided it wasn't for him, and he intentionally screwed everything up until they released him.
The drill sergeant would say left face and he'd turn right.
They'd say do 20 push ups and he'd lose count at 9, then say he couldn't do anymore.
He went through total hell for 3 weeks before they released him.

 

[namvet]

Caligirl perhaps he decided it wasn't for him and he just screwed up on purpose so they would release him. That happens a lot too.

That may be it.
A friend and I joined the Army together, once we were in, he decided it wasn't for him, and he intentionally screwed everything up until they released him.
The drill sergeant would say left face and he'd turn right.
They'd say do 20 push ups and he'd lose count at 9, then say he couldn't do anymore.
He went through total hell for 3 weeks before they released him.

those guys are assigned to a special unit to find out what their problem really is. including PT'n their ass

 

[editec]

If you're not psychologically prepared to deal with it, Boot Camp is a bitch.

A lot of the very best people cannot take the shit that's designed to break them (and their egos) down to nothing.

No doubt you ward might think he's a loser because he couldn't make it throught BC, but it could just as easily means that he's too damned sure of his own WORTH to have been good canon fodder.

Because THAT is what boot camp is designed to make a person into FIRST, ya know.

Somebody who learns NOT to think for themselves...better still not to THINK at ALL!

 

[Caligirl]

Thanks -

It's been bothering me, but maybe he will turn out just fine with this in the end. A friend in the neighborhood said that maybe he just couldn't take orders. That could be (aren't most teenagers like that?) I guess it just seems so darn *quick.* I mean, since it was so quick it seems it couldn't be anything like not being in shape enough (he's only been there two or three weeks, and if they threw out a normal kid for something like that they'd be throwing out tons of kids) .

It seems like it has to be something about attitude, because that would be harder to train away. I guess he got a chance to talk to my sister last night, and though he can't talk about it yet it sounds like he might explain when he gets home.

Also sounds, from the blogs and stuff on the web, like they might make an example out of him before he leaves to keep the other recruits in line. Aye yi yi.

 

[RadiomanATL]

We have 2 Caligirls?

 

[Caligirl]

The other thing is that in the couple times he talked to my sis on the phone over the past couple weeks he gave a good report. Enjoying himself, physically exhausted, loving the change from civilian life -

but he's not always honest with her, and that's where my heart goes out, that he was putting on a front, and having such an awful time. My memories of this kid are from when he was like three and four and five - and was the happiest kid, would wake up singing, would crawl into bed and snuggle with you in the morning - I mean he did grow into a teenager eventually but I hate to think of such a basic sweetheart being treated like shit.

Ah well. Probably work out for the best in the end, maybe he'll get that college degree and go on to something great.

 

[Caligirl]

We have 2 Caligirls?

I am the original.

 

[RadiomanATL]

We have 2 Caligirls?

I am the original.

I see that.

This could get confusing...

 

[namvet]

my first 2 or 3 weeks there were very harrowing. we all stood there wondering if we were gonna survive this or not. a few in my company did wash out. the purpose of BC is to make the change from civilian to military life. no matter what !!!
when i came home a friend of mine had a son who went in. in about 3 weeks he came back with a demoralized look on his face. and never said a word to his dad or us.

 

[Gunny]

The other thing is that in the couple times he talked to my sis on the phone over the past couple weeks he gave a good report. Enjoying himself, physically exhausted, loving the change from civilian life -

but he's not always honest with her, and that's where my heart goes out, that he was putting on a front, and having such an awful time. My memories of this kid are from when he was like three and four and five - and was the happiest kid, would wake up singing, would crawl into bed and snuggle with you in the morning - I mean he did grow into a teenager eventually but I hate to think of such a basic sweetheart being treated like shit.

Ah well. Probably work out for the best in the end, maybe he'll get that college degree and go on to something great.

If he is being dropped at the entry level, there is a specific reason. Basically, one can just refuse to train and they will be processed. Unless he has committed a felony (which I doubt or you would know and he wouldn't be getting just processed out), the only discharge they can give him is general under honorable conditions.

There are lots of reasons to get put out. I've broken recruits just getting in their faces. Some people can't take it.

It will affect him only if he lets it. Failure is not good for the psyche. If he quit, I doubt he'll have that much problem with it. If he just couldn't make it, he wouldn't be getting processed this soon because the Drill Instructors and RTR will make EVERY effort to keep a recruit as long as that recruit keeps trying.

 

[JakeStarkey]

My nephew started basic training just a few weeks ago. We're not a military family, so he doesn't have it in his blood, but I guess he wanted to join up so he did. We expected him to do just fine, he's physically capable and bright and gave the decision a lot of thought.

We got word that he is being separated at the entry level and will be home in a couple weeks. Two questions:

1. Mainly, we're worried for him that this will be hugely demoralizing. So, what would be most helpful for us to do? Any advice is welcome. he does have a serious girlfriend waiting for him here at home, so maybe she will end up being the main thing he comes back to.

2. What do you think the reasoning is for this from the military perspective? So soon after joining up, is this sort of thing more likely poor performance on his part or a general recognition that he's not cut out for it? Why are most of these things done? Could he sort of have requested this?

thanks guys,
-caligirl

The reason could be either poor performance or a lack of necessary ability for the serviced. We separated quite a number in basic training, and a good number of them were fine, young men who just not ready for the rigor of service. I remember we had numerous quitters at Airborne Training (though I don't remember one Marine who every quit) when I went through jump training and later served in the one of the airborne training companies.

What I am saying is that he is a human being, and for whatever reason, this is not going to work for him. When he gets home, just love him and let him move on. He will let you all know when and if he wants to talk about it.

 

[geauxtohell]

My nephew started basic training just a few weeks ago. We're not a military family, so he doesn't have it in his blood, but I guess he wanted to join up so he did. We expected him to do just fine, he's physically capable and bright and gave the decision a lot of thought.

We got word that he is being separated at the entry level and will be home in a couple weeks. Two questions:

1. Mainly, we're worried for him that this will be hugely demoralizing. So, what would be most helpful for us to do? Any advice is welcome. he does have a serious girlfriend waiting for him here at home, so maybe she will end up being the main thing he comes back to.

2. What do you think the reasoning is for this from the military perspective? So soon after joining up, is this sort of thing more likely poor performance on his part or a general recognition that he's not cut out for it? Why are most of these things done? Could he sort of have requested this?

thanks guys,
-caligirl

Do you know the circumstances behind his separation and the characteristic of his discharge?