- Sep 22, 2013
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I love how comic books speak to a pedestrian fascination with vigilantism daydreams in our modern age of multiple levels of civics angst (e.g., 9/11, The Los Angeles Race Riots, Occultism censorship, etc.).
Here's an offbeat civilian Halloween tale I wrote about celebrities dressing up as comic book characters to stop an anti-American psychopath dressed up as the Marvel Comics super-villain and arsonist Pyro.
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Tom Cruise, the American movie star whose work in culturally-symbolic films such as Top Gun, Rain Man, Minority Report, and Lions for Lambs was dating the American movie actress Jennifer Connelly whose own work in culturally-relevant films such as Career Opportunities, A Beautiful Mind, and Blood Diamond drew her to Cruise. The two celebrities wanted to become more 'involved' in pedestrian culture, so they decided to dress up as the Marvel Comics superheroes Spider-Man and Firestar for Halloween. They were about to engage with a real psychopath, an escaped convict named Thomas Hewitt who dressed up as the Marvel Comics super-villain Pyro (an arsonist and all-around maniac), equipped with a dangerous flame-thrower.
Diane Kruger, the lesser-known movie actress whose work in the archaeologically-symbolic film Troy made her a 'new age celebrity' started dating an Algerian-American prince named Ajay Satan who was a self-proclaimed Internet-blogging 'vigilante.' Ajay believed that Halloween would draw out some real psycho 'copycat killers' who would model themselves after super-villain characters from the multitude of comic book adapted films such as The Dark Knight and Iron Man that Hollywood (USA) was making at the time. Ajay suggested to his girlfriend (Diane) that the two dress up as the Marvel Comics superheroes Iceman and Spider-Woman and do a special 'media-staged publicity stunt' at the Library of Congress to dissuade comic book film 'copycat psychos.'
When Cruise (Spider-Man) and Connelly (Firestar) heard about the special media event at the Library of Congress on Halloween involving two mysterious supposed employees of the U.S. government dressing up as Iceman and Spider-Woman, they decided to join in on the action! When Spider-Man and Firestar arrived at the Library, they found Iceman and Spider-Woman walking around with bags of candy (for kids) and carrying microphones which they used to deliver pro-comics slogans such as, "Read comics, America! Do not emulate them! Emulate our prestigious American pioneers described in books at the Library of Congress!" Spider-Man and Firestar were very impressed and requested microphone-time to deliver their own message. When Iceman gave Spider-Man the microphone, Spidey said, "Remember that comics are supposed to make us feel simply better about policemen!"
Suddenly, Pyro (Thomas Hewitt) busted into the Library of Congress. He was carrying a flame-thrower and megaphone, which he used to deliver the message, "Spider-Man and Firestar and Iceman and Spider-Woman are all frauds and are probably American movie stars and/or wealthy individuals using media attention to hype Halloween. Comic books are supposed to make us feel unashamed about being bizarre, psychotic, and even evil!" Pyro then turned on his flame-thrower and burned half of the shelves on one wall of the Library. As people screamed, Spider-Man (Cruise) and Iceman (Ajay) lunged towards Pyro (Hewitt) and wrestled him to the ground as Firestar (Connelly) and Spider-Woman (Kruger) calmed all the civilians and news-reporters down as the police arrived. As Pyro was hauled away to prison, Spider-Man (Cruise) explained to the police that the Library stunt was supposed to dissuade comic book 'copycat hysteria.'
The next day, the Washington Post printed an article suggesting that mysterious 'vigilantes' showed up at the Library of Congress and prevented the psychotic arsonist Thomas Hewitt from creating hellfire in his deranged Pyro (Marvel Comics) costume. No one ever found out that the 'vigilantes' were Cruise, Connelly, Ajay, and Kruger, and Connelly and Cruise never discovered that Spider-Woman was their Hollywood peer Diane Kruger. However, everyone was relieved that a simple civilian gesture by celebrities and a wealthy Algerian-American prince prevented the complete burning of the sacred Library of Congress on Halloween. Two months later a mysterious anonymous article was sent to the Washington Post which read, "I am impressed by the attempt of Thomas Hewitt (Pyro) to burn down the pseudo-fascist Library of Congress, and soon, more comic book villains will rise to honor him!"
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Here's an offbeat civilian Halloween tale I wrote about celebrities dressing up as comic book characters to stop an anti-American psychopath dressed up as the Marvel Comics super-villain and arsonist Pyro.
====
Tom Cruise, the American movie star whose work in culturally-symbolic films such as Top Gun, Rain Man, Minority Report, and Lions for Lambs was dating the American movie actress Jennifer Connelly whose own work in culturally-relevant films such as Career Opportunities, A Beautiful Mind, and Blood Diamond drew her to Cruise. The two celebrities wanted to become more 'involved' in pedestrian culture, so they decided to dress up as the Marvel Comics superheroes Spider-Man and Firestar for Halloween. They were about to engage with a real psychopath, an escaped convict named Thomas Hewitt who dressed up as the Marvel Comics super-villain Pyro (an arsonist and all-around maniac), equipped with a dangerous flame-thrower.
Diane Kruger, the lesser-known movie actress whose work in the archaeologically-symbolic film Troy made her a 'new age celebrity' started dating an Algerian-American prince named Ajay Satan who was a self-proclaimed Internet-blogging 'vigilante.' Ajay believed that Halloween would draw out some real psycho 'copycat killers' who would model themselves after super-villain characters from the multitude of comic book adapted films such as The Dark Knight and Iron Man that Hollywood (USA) was making at the time. Ajay suggested to his girlfriend (Diane) that the two dress up as the Marvel Comics superheroes Iceman and Spider-Woman and do a special 'media-staged publicity stunt' at the Library of Congress to dissuade comic book film 'copycat psychos.'
When Cruise (Spider-Man) and Connelly (Firestar) heard about the special media event at the Library of Congress on Halloween involving two mysterious supposed employees of the U.S. government dressing up as Iceman and Spider-Woman, they decided to join in on the action! When Spider-Man and Firestar arrived at the Library, they found Iceman and Spider-Woman walking around with bags of candy (for kids) and carrying microphones which they used to deliver pro-comics slogans such as, "Read comics, America! Do not emulate them! Emulate our prestigious American pioneers described in books at the Library of Congress!" Spider-Man and Firestar were very impressed and requested microphone-time to deliver their own message. When Iceman gave Spider-Man the microphone, Spidey said, "Remember that comics are supposed to make us feel simply better about policemen!"
Suddenly, Pyro (Thomas Hewitt) busted into the Library of Congress. He was carrying a flame-thrower and megaphone, which he used to deliver the message, "Spider-Man and Firestar and Iceman and Spider-Woman are all frauds and are probably American movie stars and/or wealthy individuals using media attention to hype Halloween. Comic books are supposed to make us feel unashamed about being bizarre, psychotic, and even evil!" Pyro then turned on his flame-thrower and burned half of the shelves on one wall of the Library. As people screamed, Spider-Man (Cruise) and Iceman (Ajay) lunged towards Pyro (Hewitt) and wrestled him to the ground as Firestar (Connelly) and Spider-Woman (Kruger) calmed all the civilians and news-reporters down as the police arrived. As Pyro was hauled away to prison, Spider-Man (Cruise) explained to the police that the Library stunt was supposed to dissuade comic book 'copycat hysteria.'
The next day, the Washington Post printed an article suggesting that mysterious 'vigilantes' showed up at the Library of Congress and prevented the psychotic arsonist Thomas Hewitt from creating hellfire in his deranged Pyro (Marvel Comics) costume. No one ever found out that the 'vigilantes' were Cruise, Connelly, Ajay, and Kruger, and Connelly and Cruise never discovered that Spider-Woman was their Hollywood peer Diane Kruger. However, everyone was relieved that a simple civilian gesture by celebrities and a wealthy Algerian-American prince prevented the complete burning of the sacred Library of Congress on Halloween. Two months later a mysterious anonymous article was sent to the Washington Post which read, "I am impressed by the attempt of Thomas Hewitt (Pyro) to burn down the pseudo-fascist Library of Congress, and soon, more comic book villains will rise to honor him!"
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