Power Outage During A Mammogram

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Shattered, Apr 28, 2006.

  1. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm
    Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her
    head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room
    right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything
    clearrrr?"

    I'm thinking, "Belinda . Try Decaf. This ain't rocket science."

    Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

    Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a
    perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60
    seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything
    nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold<
    BR>4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

    With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left
    and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we
    can get everything?"

    Fine, I answered! . I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use
    the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

    My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast
    wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard,
    then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

    "What?" I yelled.

    "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the
    door.

    "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.
    Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy .. the door's wide open
    so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."

    Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba
    and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of
    me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
    After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or
    possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

    Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as
    possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

    "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been
    standing in the line at the grocery store.

    Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no
    attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The
    power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went
    to lunch. Are we upset?"

    "And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps."
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    This sounds like my worst nightmare!
     
  3. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I can only imagine the kind of carnage that would be wreaked if they did that to my 'tool.' I feel for this poor woman.
     
  4. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Hobbit Hobbit Hobbit---If something like that happens to men it goes on Americas' Funniest Videos !!!
     
  5. USViking
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    USViking VIP Member

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    The old dude who was going door to door recently
    could'a done better than Belinda, huh?

    If it had been me, I would have been out of there
    in two minutes, and just let Belinda try to bill me.

    But, if you sit there for two hours, it's your own damn fault.
     
  6. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    Psst!

    Joke.

    Funny.

    Ha ha.

    :poke:
     
  7. USViking
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    USViking VIP Member

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    I know, I know.

    I'm allowed to pretend to take it seriously,
    ain't I?

    Poke yourself.
     
  8. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    :poke: Geek. :poke:
     
  9. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Funny stuff, Shattered!
     

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