Polyamory: Inside An Open Marriage

[Cecilie1200]

I ran across this article while looking for something else online, and thought it might make an interesting topic for discussion.

". . . "Ethical non-monogamy" or "polyamory" (literally translated as "many loves") means having loving, intimate relationships with more than one person with the full consent of everyone involved.

The phenomenon is on the rise in North America, including among midlife couples seeking new sexual adventures and emotional connections after being with the same partner for many years. Some believe this type of marriage has such broad appeal that over the next decade it will become accepted as a viable lifestyle choice. A recent Newsweek report, noting an estimated 500,000 Americans are practising polyamory, proposed that it could be "the next sexual revolution." And in Canada, there are online polyamory support groups in every province . . ."

Polyamory: Inside an open marriage - Deciding to try polyamory - More magazine

The story opens with a description of a married couple which opened to include a female friend of the wife whose husband had recently passed away.

It goes on to include descriptions of what polyamorous marriages are like and how they are developed, written by two authors with new books on the market, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by New York sex educator and writer Tristan Taormino and Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block.

Discuss.

 

[dilloduck]

If there are books telling me how to do something, it's too complicated.

 

[Cecilie1200]

If there are books telling me how to do something, it's too complicated.

I hate to break it to you, but there are myriad books telling you how to conduct a regular, monogamous marriage.

 

[Cecilie1200]

So apparently, Newsweek did a story on this in late July.

Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution? - Newsweek

What I thought was interesting was what they had to say about children.

"Anecdotally, research shows that children can do well in poly families—as long as they're in a stable home with loving parents, says Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist at Georgia State University, who is conducting the first large-scale study of children of poly parents, which has been ongoing for a decade."

So basically, it's still - always - about the parents and the family.

 

[William Joyce]

More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.

Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.

 

[Cecilie1200]

More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.

Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.

Um, dude, polygamists and polyamorists are the same people. I think what you MEANT to say was "splinter Mormon groups", or "religious cults", which are something else entirely.

I realize that, given who I'm talking to, this is wasted effort, but has it occurred to you that you have an inappropriately America-centric view of humanity? You simply assume that the way American society is and has been throughout its rather short history is the norm for all human society throughout history, and it isn't true. Hell, American society isn't even the norm for the world right at this moment.

 

[Cecilie1200]

'Sister Wives' Brings A Real-Life 'Big Love' Family To TLC - ABC News

Is it just me, or is this for some reason just a HUGE topic lately? Although I have to wonder why TLC thought they had to go with a "fundamentalist Mormon family" to get a reality show about a polygamist family, since there are apparently thousands of them in America who AREN'T Mormon at all, and aren't doing it for religious reasons.

The series will follow the fundamentalist Mormon family of Kody Brown and his four "sister wives"—Meri, Janelle, Christine, and their new wife, Robyn. Together, they have 13 children living in a Utah apartment building.

The newest addition to the family, Robyn, explained their living situation to RadarOnline:

"There are three in one home with separate apartments and I'm separate right now. We're hoping to be all in one home. I felt like the secretiveness of the society has been a little bit dangerous for the society, as well as the public. This is part of our reason for essentially coming out. This is a story that needs to be told. I think that by simply telling this story and not getting into prejudices it actually helps the society to understand."

Polygamy is illegal, but Kody explained that his family isn't breaking any laws since, "It's one legal marriage and the rest are commitment marriages."

 

[Ravi]

Marriage problems, Cesspool?

 

[meggiemom]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

 

[Pennywise]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

You must be really happy.

 

[hjmick]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

Sure you are...

 

[BDBoop]

I think Bill and Hillary have an open marriage.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

Ew.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

I ran across this article while looking for something else online, and thought it might make an interesting topic for discussion.

". . . "Ethical non-monogamy" or "polyamory" (literally translated as "many loves") means having loving, intimate relationships with more than one person with the full consent of everyone involved.

The phenomenon is on the rise in North America, including among midlife couples seeking new sexual adventures and emotional connections after being with the same partner for many years. Some believe this type of marriage has such broad appeal that over the next decade it will become accepted as a viable lifestyle choice. A recent Newsweek report, noting an estimated 500,000 Americans are practising polyamory, proposed that it could be "the next sexual revolution." And in Canada, there are online polyamory support groups in every province . . ."

Polyamory: Inside an open marriage - Deciding to try polyamory - More magazine

The story opens with a description of a married couple which opened to include a female friend of the wife whose husband had recently passed away.

It goes on to include descriptions of what polyamorous marriages are like and how they are developed, written by two authors with new books on the market, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by New York sex educator and writer Tristan Taormino and Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block.

Discuss.

Correlations between monogamy and violence are well-documented (Prescott et al.) Because of how often monogamous relationships fail, opening relationships up from the start is better. It prevents cheating and dishonesty, and accepts the reality that few people will be satisfied their entire lives with just one sexual partner.

The problem though, is in a monogamous society like the USA, because everything is geared towards monogamy, trying a more polyamorous relationship model doesn't often work because people have more mongamous 'overhead' and experience than poly. Like learning a second language as an adult vs as a child. The child often does better not having as much overhead with their primary language. So statistics showing how poly relationships aren't much better is because the culture hasn't had them depicted alongside monogamy as a valid alternative.

"Extramarital Sex

I also examined the influence of extramarital sex taboos upon crime and violence. The data clearly indicates that punitive-repressive attitudes toward extramarital sex are also linked with physical violence, personal crime, and the practice of slavery. Societies which value monogamy emphasize military glory and worship aggressive gods.

These cross-cultural data support the view of psychologists and sociologists who feel that sexual and psychological needs not being fulfilled within a marriage should be met outside of it, without destroying the primacy of the marriage relationship."

"Another way of looking at the reciprocal relationship between violence and pleasure is to examine a society's choice of drugs. A society will support behaviors that are consistent with its values and social mores. U.S. society is a competitive, aggressive, and violent society. Consequently, it supports drugs that fa-

p. 15, November 1975, Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists

cilitate competitive, aggressive, and violent behaviors and opposes drugs that counteract such behaviors. Alcohol is well known to facilitate the expression of violent behaviors, and, although addicting and very harmful to chronic users, is acceptable to U.S. society. Marijuana, on the other hand, is an active pleasure-inducing drug which enhances the pleasure of touch and actively inhibits violent-aggressive behaviors. It is for these reasons, I believe that marijuana is rejected in U.S. society. For similar reasons heroin is rejected and methadone (an addicting drug minus the pleasure) is accepted."

Article: Body Pleasure and the Origins of Violence

 

[Samson]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

Ew.

What?

No Octopus?

 

[Cecilie1200]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

. . . I'm going to have to go with "Ewwww."

 

[Cecilie1200]

I think Bill and Hillary have an open marriage.

I suspect they probably do. I always got the impression their marriage was more about a political teamwork scenario than a romantic soulmate deal . . . which is perfectly fine. That sort of marriage was the norm a lot longer than this whole "Oooh, he makes my toes tingle" method we use now, and I suspect society was better for it.

 

[Samson]

I think Bill and Hillary have an open marriage.

EEWWWWWwwww.....

 

[Cecilie1200]

I ran across this article while looking for something else online, and thought it might make an interesting topic for discussion.

". . . "Ethical non-monogamy" or "polyamory" (literally translated as "many loves") means having loving, intimate relationships with more than one person with the full consent of everyone involved.

The phenomenon is on the rise in North America, including among midlife couples seeking new sexual adventures and emotional connections after being with the same partner for many years. Some believe this type of marriage has such broad appeal that over the next decade it will become accepted as a viable lifestyle choice. A recent Newsweek report, noting an estimated 500,000 Americans are practising polyamory, proposed that it could be "the next sexual revolution." And in Canada, there are online polyamory support groups in every province . . ."

Polyamory: Inside an open marriage - Deciding to try polyamory - More magazine

The story opens with a description of a married couple which opened to include a female friend of the wife whose husband had recently passed away.

It goes on to include descriptions of what polyamorous marriages are like and how they are developed, written by two authors with new books on the market, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by New York sex educator and writer Tristan Taormino and Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block.

Discuss.

Correlations between monogamy and violence are well-documented (Prescott et al.) Because of how often monogamous relationships fail, opening relationships up from the start is better. It prevents cheating and dishonesty, and accepts the reality that few people will be satisfied their entire lives with just one sexual partner.

The problem though, is in a monogamous society like the USA, because everything is geared towards monogamy, trying a more polyamorous relationship model doesn't often work because people have more mongamous 'overhead' and experience than poly. Like learning a second language as an adult vs as a child. The child often does better not having as much overhead with their primary language. So statistics showing how poly relationships aren't much better is because the culture hasn't had them depicted alongside monogamy as a valid alternative.

"Extramarital Sex

I also examined the influence of extramarital sex taboos upon crime and violence. The data clearly indicates that punitive-repressive attitudes toward extramarital sex are also linked with physical violence, personal crime, and the practice of slavery. Societies which value monogamy emphasize military glory and worship aggressive gods.

These cross-cultural data support the view of psychologists and sociologists who feel that sexual and psychological needs not being fulfilled within a marriage should be met outside of it, without destroying the primacy of the marriage relationship."

"Another way of looking at the reciprocal relationship between violence and pleasure is to examine a society's choice of drugs. A society will support behaviors that are consistent with its values and social mores. U.S. society is a competitive, aggressive, and violent society. Consequently, it supports drugs that fa-

p. 15, November 1975, Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists

cilitate competitive, aggressive, and violent behaviors and opposes drugs that counteract such behaviors. Alcohol is well known to facilitate the expression of violent behaviors, and, although addicting and very harmful to chronic users, is acceptable to U.S. society. Marijuana, on the other hand, is an active pleasure-inducing drug which enhances the pleasure of touch and actively inhibits violent-aggressive behaviors. It is for these reasons, I believe that marijuana is rejected in U.S. society. For similar reasons heroin is rejected and methadone (an addicting drug minus the pleasure) is accepted."

Article: Body Pleasure and the Origins of Violence

I don't know how well humans are wired for polyamory, to be honest. Maybe we just don't multitask well, or we're basically selfish pricks at heart, but we do seem to gravitate toward the simpler monogamous model. Even in cultures where polygamy is accepted, it's usually not the majority.

That being said, polyamorous people - not the crazed religious kind, but the more mainstream ones - tend to learn to fly under the radar and work around the societal restrictions.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

Ew.

What?

No Octopus?

Ew. Ew.

Wait, wouldn't that be octopussy?