Politician Jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by uspatriot1776, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. uspatriot1776
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    uspatriot1776 Rookie

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    Again, not mine, but they're clever:

    Three politicians walk into a bar, and each orders a beer. They raise their glasses and make a toast: "Here's to 59!" After downing their beers, they order another round and make the same toast: "Here's to 59!" This happens again and again. Finally, the bartender asks the politicians what the significance of the toast is. "Well," said one of them, "we put a 1,000-piece jigsaw Puzzle together in just 59 days!"
    "And that's a big deal?" asked the barkeep.
    "You bet," said the same politician, "the box said 4 to 8 YEARS!!!"

    A libertarian said in conversation: "Three of my legislators have died successively while in office."
    "Really, that's unusual. how did the first one die?" his friend said.
    He ate poisonous mushrooms.
    And how did the second one die?
    He ate poisonous mushrooms.
    And the third?
    He died from a bashed in skull.
    How did that happen?
    He wouldn’t eat the poisonous mushrooms.
     
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  2. uspatriot1776
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    uspatriot1776 Rookie

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    A few years ago, a lawyer, a doctor and a politician all applied to become CIA agents. They passed all tests but the final one. This is what happened next:

    All three are in a waiting room ready for their final test. First, the lawyer is given a gun and told to go into the room and execute the person sitting in the chair. The lawyer goes into the room, and sees a man blindfolded in a chair. He leaves the room saying he could not shoot him. The lawyer is told he failed the test and can not become a CIA agent.

    Next the doctor is given a gun and is told to execute the person in the room. The doctor goes into the room, sees the man sitting in the chair blindfolded. He leaves the room saying he could not shoot the man. The doctor is told he failed the test and can not become a CIA agent.

    Finally the politician is given a gun and is told to execute the person in the room. The politician goes into the room and the CIA people outside the room hear the "click" of a gun hammer on an unloaded gun. After this they hear a lot of hollering, and struggling. Finally the politician comes out and says, "someone gave me an unloaded gun so I had to choke him to death."
     
  3. uspatriot1776
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    uspatriot1776 Rookie

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    What do you call a handcuffed politician? Trustworthy.

    Q: What do politicians & reporters do after they die?
    A: They lie still.

    Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of politicians? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
     
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    uspatriot1776 Rookie

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    Q: Why does California have the most politicians in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?
    A: New Jersey got first choice.
     
  5. freedombecki
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    freedombecki Let's go swimmin'! Supporting Member

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    A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.


    Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate.



    He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.


    A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"


    The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
     

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