hylandrdet
Member
With all of the words being said and the campaigning being done, I give you a sarcastic imitation of both candidates final words.
First, the challenger Senator John Kerry.
Thank you hylandrdet, thank you the web site, the people who reads it and the pets of the people who reads it.
My fellow Americans; we are at the crossroads of our nations future, we must take two steps back before we take one step forward; we must hunt down these terrorists, then ultimately lose them; we must attack the Iraqi insurgents before we retreat. But most importantly, we must put more money in your wallets before we tax you.
I believe in American values, take my wife for example. Teresa is a shining example of the American dream; to come to America for the purpose of marrying someone very rich. We have that, plus the inability to keep our mouths shut, that keep us together through thick and thin. Now if that isnt America, I dont know what is!
I can relate to every American; I know what its like to comb my fabulous hair, with a fine toothed comb, one hundred times a day. I know what its like to stand in line waiting to get a shot... At some tickets to see Cats. And my fellow Americans, I know what its like to be concerned about the environment and how it will effect my windsurfing.
My fellow Americans, if you elect me as your president, I will accept the job, then quit; however, not before I pass my programs. I guarantee you that they will pass because I will be my own Filibuster; the republican controlled congress will pass my legislation simply for the purpose of shutting me up, for I cannot stop talking. My wife is now telling me to shut the F%^& up, so I will stop now. Feel free to read the remaining 12 pages of what would had been the rest of my speech on my web site. Thank you, good night, and GOD bless America!!!
(yawning and stretching) Thank you, Mr. Kerry. And now President George W. Bush
Thank you hylandrdet and thank all of the people Senator Kerry thanked.
Look, Im a simple man; being that Im stupid, I have no choice but to keep things simple. Therefore, unlike my opponent, Ill try to keep the reasons why I should be reelected simple.
First of all, Ill never regret invading Iraq; I dont know about you, but to me, its always easier to rid a nation of Weapons of Mass Destruction when they dont actually possess them. Wed felt that Iraq needed freedom as well, so we invaded the country and unseated Saddam Hussein, thus paving the way for the transfer of power to massacre from him to the insurgents; I believe that this is good because now the people can decide who they can and cannot kill without big government interfering.
As for Halliburton, I stand by my vice presidents position; whatever that is. All I know is if you know that if your former company has a chance to gain a multi billion dollar contract without any competition, why not give that company the lo-down-lo; see black people, Im down with the lingo.
I believe in family values. I define a family as consisting of a recovering alcoholic husband, a glazed-face brainwashed wife, and two drunken sluts for daughters. I may even accept a homosexual daughter, so long as she doesnt ask me to bless her marriage.
I believe that our economy is strong , thats why Id thrown away our large surplus; who needs it, well get it back as soon as I can figure out how Im going to fund my 1.7 trillion dollar plan without raising taxes.
My wife is overstraining her smile, so thats my cue to stop. Remember this; we have not yet begun to fight; read my lips; we did not land on the terrorists, the terrorists landed on us; ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Thank you and GOD bless America.
I close with a quick remark from former President Bill Clinton
Thank you, hylandrdet.
My fellow Americans; I feel your pain; both of these knuckleheads suck. You can put both of them on the same ticket and Ill still kick the dogsh#$ out of them, with Al Sharpton tied behind my back. Lets face it, I can communicate with leaders, I can manage the budget, and dog-gone-it, chicks dig me. But thats not the case; you must decide for yourself and vote. Vote for what you believe is in your best interest and your vote shall never go wrong. See how easy my speech was; thats because I am that damn good! GOD bless ya!!!
First, the challenger Senator John Kerry.
Thank you hylandrdet, thank you the web site, the people who reads it and the pets of the people who reads it.
My fellow Americans; we are at the crossroads of our nations future, we must take two steps back before we take one step forward; we must hunt down these terrorists, then ultimately lose them; we must attack the Iraqi insurgents before we retreat. But most importantly, we must put more money in your wallets before we tax you.
I believe in American values, take my wife for example. Teresa is a shining example of the American dream; to come to America for the purpose of marrying someone very rich. We have that, plus the inability to keep our mouths shut, that keep us together through thick and thin. Now if that isnt America, I dont know what is!
I can relate to every American; I know what its like to comb my fabulous hair, with a fine toothed comb, one hundred times a day. I know what its like to stand in line waiting to get a shot... At some tickets to see Cats. And my fellow Americans, I know what its like to be concerned about the environment and how it will effect my windsurfing.
My fellow Americans, if you elect me as your president, I will accept the job, then quit; however, not before I pass my programs. I guarantee you that they will pass because I will be my own Filibuster; the republican controlled congress will pass my legislation simply for the purpose of shutting me up, for I cannot stop talking. My wife is now telling me to shut the F%^& up, so I will stop now. Feel free to read the remaining 12 pages of what would had been the rest of my speech on my web site. Thank you, good night, and GOD bless America!!!
(yawning and stretching) Thank you, Mr. Kerry. And now President George W. Bush
Thank you hylandrdet and thank all of the people Senator Kerry thanked.
Look, Im a simple man; being that Im stupid, I have no choice but to keep things simple. Therefore, unlike my opponent, Ill try to keep the reasons why I should be reelected simple.
First of all, Ill never regret invading Iraq; I dont know about you, but to me, its always easier to rid a nation of Weapons of Mass Destruction when they dont actually possess them. Wed felt that Iraq needed freedom as well, so we invaded the country and unseated Saddam Hussein, thus paving the way for the transfer of power to massacre from him to the insurgents; I believe that this is good because now the people can decide who they can and cannot kill without big government interfering.
As for Halliburton, I stand by my vice presidents position; whatever that is. All I know is if you know that if your former company has a chance to gain a multi billion dollar contract without any competition, why not give that company the lo-down-lo; see black people, Im down with the lingo.
I believe in family values. I define a family as consisting of a recovering alcoholic husband, a glazed-face brainwashed wife, and two drunken sluts for daughters. I may even accept a homosexual daughter, so long as she doesnt ask me to bless her marriage.
I believe that our economy is strong , thats why Id thrown away our large surplus; who needs it, well get it back as soon as I can figure out how Im going to fund my 1.7 trillion dollar plan without raising taxes.
My wife is overstraining her smile, so thats my cue to stop. Remember this; we have not yet begun to fight; read my lips; we did not land on the terrorists, the terrorists landed on us; ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Thank you and GOD bless America.
I close with a quick remark from former President Bill Clinton
Thank you, hylandrdet.
My fellow Americans; I feel your pain; both of these knuckleheads suck. You can put both of them on the same ticket and Ill still kick the dogsh#$ out of them, with Al Sharpton tied behind my back. Lets face it, I can communicate with leaders, I can manage the budget, and dog-gone-it, chicks dig me. But thats not the case; you must decide for yourself and vote. Vote for what you believe is in your best interest and your vote shall never go wrong. See how easy my speech was; thats because I am that damn good! GOD bless ya!!!
Your attempt to be funny.
