Political jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Votto, Oct 23, 2019.

  1. WillHaftawaite
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    WillHaftawaite USMB Mod Staff Member Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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  2. SaxxyBlues
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    SaxxyBlues Gold Member

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  3. luchitociencia
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    luchitociencia Senior Member

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    I'm not much familiar with current politics. The jokes I know come from the 50's, 60's and 70's.

    President Ted Roosevelt was bored hunting bears all the time, so he decided to travel to Africa. Over there, with a scientific mission to study preservation of animals, he started what today is known as a "safari".

    At his return to the Oval office, he was at dinner time with the vice president and other invited people.

    He told his story.

    After walking for days into the jungle, he took a route by himself following a path to a prairie. He was admiring the horizon in front of him when he heard a roar very close to his place.

    He turned his face and saw a lion. The animal started his run against him. The president immediately tried to charge his rifle but saw it was too late. The lion was barely a few feet from him and jumping to catch his prey.

    He didn't think twice and turned his body while leaving the spot he was located in. The lion landed over that spot and the president saw the lion sliding on the grass and going away... and away... and away...

    But the lion recovered and came back with the same speed and the same jump trying to catch the president. He, again evaded the lion but moving himself to one side from his spot, and the lion landed again in the that spot and the president saw the animal sliding on the grass and going away... and away... and away...

    The other hunters heard the roars of the lion and run fast to help the president. They killed the animal with 25 rounds. Unfortunately they had to leave the skin of the dead lion because was full of holes, so no memories of that moment was to be kept.

    One of the invited was amazed with the story.

    -Mr. president, you are a brave man. If I were you, in those same moments I should have sh*t myself several times.

    The president smiled and said:

    -And why do you think the lion was sliding on the grass going away... and away... and away...?
     
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  4. Moi621
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    Moi621 Member

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    AOC-Pelosi.jpg



    Moi :26:





    TaxCanada.jpg
    Make Them Pay
    Their Fair Share! :mad:
     
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    Last edited: Dec 23, 2019
  5. two_iron
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    two_iron Senior Member

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    A bug-eyed, pencil-neck sissy from Burbank starts a sham impeachment with the intention of nullifying the will of the American electorate....

    Sorry.... still working on the punch line....
     
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  6. Persistence Of Memory
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    Persistence Of Memory VIP Member

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    Nice swing
     
  7. Wildcard
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    Wildcard Platinum Member

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    NO SEX AFTER SURGERY

    A recent article in the San Francisco Examiner reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".

    A hospital spokesman replied:

    "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”




     
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  8. luchitociencia
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    luchitociencia Senior Member

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    Another joke from the 50's-60's

    The Cuban revolution finally took control of the island and Fidel Castro decided to send the hostages home.


    In his communication with the American representative, Fidel demanded agricultural machines at exchange of each hostage. The president and congress rejected such demand, but under pressure of the families of the hostages, the exchange took place.

    Tractors, plows, harrows, were given each for each hostage.

    Celebrating later this transaction which was for Fidel Castro a victory against the “Yaquis’”, at the main plaza in the Havana, he directed his speech in a message given to Cubans.

    -Today will be remembered for eternity. Our revolution will bring freedom against the American imperialism.

    -Yes, Fidel! –replied the people

    -They hate us and say that we are lazy, good for nothing, and we only love dancing pachanga all day long! Is that true?!

    -No Fidel! – replied the people

    -We don’t pass all day long dancing pachanga!

    -No fidel!

    -Do we pass all day long dancing pachanga?!

    -No Fidel!

    -Do we pass all day long dancing pachanga?! (And he moved his hips from one side to another like dancing)

    -No Fidel! (And the people also moved their hips from one side to another like dancing)

    -♫ Do we like dancing pachanga? ♫

    -♫ No Fidel! ♫

    -♫ Do we like dancing pachanga? ♫

    -♫ No Fidel! ♫

    -♫ Do we like dancing pachanga? ♫

    -♫ No Fidel! ♫

    ...and they continued all day long up to late at night...
     
  9. bluzman61
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    bluzman61 Gold Member

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    What would you say about a group of liberal lunatics covered in cement up to their necks? Not enough cement!
     
  10. bluzman61
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    bluzman61 Gold Member

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    ......has a thing for young men!
     

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