political convention humor

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Aquarian, May 25, 2004.

  1. Aquarian

    Aquarian Member

    Oct 16, 2003
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    both sides, so it's even :)



    6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
    6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
    6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
    6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
    6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment
    7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
    7:35 PM Freedom Fries served
    7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
    8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
    8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
    8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
    8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
    8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
    9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
    9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
    9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
    9:30 PM break for secret meetings
    10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
    10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
    10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk_Macho...Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
    10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
    10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
    10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
    10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
    10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
    11:10 PM Hillary Clinton PiƱata
    11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
    11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
    11:35 PM Blame Clinton
    11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
    11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
    12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord



    6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony
    6:30 p.m. - Anti-war rally #1
    6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    7:00 p.m. - Tribute to France
    7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund
    7:20 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    7:25 p.m. - Tribute to Spain
    7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally #2 (Moderated by Michael Moore)
    8:00 p.m.- John Kerry presents one side of the issue
    8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop
    9:00 p.m. - Gay marriage ceremony
    9:30 p.m. - Intermission
    10:00 p.m.- Flag burning ceremony #2
    10:15 p.m. - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
    10:30 p.m. - Cameo by Dean...."Yeeearrrrrrrg!!!!"
    10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN
    11:00 p.m. - Double gay marriage ceremony
    11:15 p.m. - Workshop on "Maximizing Welfare".
    11:20 p.m. - John Kerry presents other side of issue
    11:30 p.m. - 'FREE SADDAM' - pep rally
    11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    12:00 00 a.m.- Nomination of Democratic candidate


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