Playing it safe on Hallowee

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Sandy73, Oct 29, 2004.

  1. Sandy73
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    Sandy73 Guest

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    1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see
    if it's really dead.

    2. Never read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.

    3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

    4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
    they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot
    of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several
    rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who
    speak with somebody else's voice.

    5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

    6. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt.
    This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

    7. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for
    short-circuits; just get out.

    8. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

    9. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
    reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

    10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
    know what you're doing.

    11. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
    behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
    increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

    12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
    listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog
    (you're in trouble if you recognize this one),anywhere in Texas
    where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town
    in Maine.

    13. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road,
    do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
    If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you
    thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are
    going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

    14. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple
    guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
    lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
    devices made from deceased companions.

    15. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
    time to move in with the in-laws.This also applies to houses that
    had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died
    in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic
    practices.

    16. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an
    old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a
    flashlight, not a candle.

    17. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

    18. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and
    find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

    HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
     
  2. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    ...Ooops....
     
  3. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I know. It's a horrible thing, isn't it?

    BTW, I saw Troll 1&2 as a box set in Wal-Mart the other day. I nearly panicked.
     
  4. UsaPride
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    UsaPride Senior Member

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    I used to live in a house that was built on a graveyard. Strange things happening in there!!!!!
    Now I live in a house that a lady was murdered in. I'm just asking for it, aren't I?! LOL!!
     
  5. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    Nah, only if the house is in Japan. If the house is in Japan, the lady will kill anyone who enters...unless that person is an extra. (go see "The Grudge")
     
  6. UsaPride
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    UsaPride Senior Member

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    Hmmmm, gonna have to see that now! My lady's nice though. She's protecting us. At least that's what she says :rolleyes: :D
     
  7. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    That's because you're not in Japan. In Japan, murder houses kill people until they're burned to the ground, but those stupid extras keep 'saving the house.' Idiots.
     
  8. UsaPride
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    UsaPride Senior Member

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    LOL!! Remind me not to move to Japan, LOL!! Well, unless I"m an extra, LOL!
     
  9. wolvie20m
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    wolvie20m Member

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    Great Family values, I would think you atleast try a excorsism.
     
  10. Avatar4321
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    Avatar4321 Diamond Member Gold Supporting Member

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    oh crap...
     

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