- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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Since I'm retiring from Internet-blogging altogether, here's a Thanksgiving yarn about the Batman (DC Comics) nemesis Phantasm.
Cheers,
====
"Americans liked simple conveniences and entertainment in the modern world and fled the city to enjoy a nice Friday night drive-in movie for a classic suburban experience. This was American consciousness. Urbanization had created all kinds of traffic and 'personality' as well as a commerce-related interest in recreational activities (e.g., Disney World). This was the modern world."
"Artists portrayed fantastic underground or underwater futuristic cities that helped humanity escape the problem of eco-pollution and the anathema of nuclear war as well as industrialization-related toxic-waste. It was an ironic fact therefore that imaginations about a futuristic city were related to an escapist paranoia about the ecological impact of urban-ambition!"
"American 'characters' included super-celebrities (e.g., Tom Hanks) and regular voting citizenry in a pluralistic society (e.g., Dinesh D'Souza). These characters were arrayed in modern media (e.g., movies, Internet forums, MTV, etc.) as 'figurines' of democracy, and it was all quite legal (if not completely eco-conscious). Consumerism was of course blamed for all kinds of manmade waste and cholesterol."
"Americans arguably make the best toys in the world, and iconic consumerism 'relics' or 'trophies' from the Reaganomics-era of the 'Big '80s' symbolized American imagination. Compact audio cassettes and Sony Walkmans were being sold on eBay as 'vintage consumerism items from the Big '80s.' Therefore, archaeologists were suggesting that consumerism was creating its own form of 'aesthetics'."
"Aesthetics is never straightforward and the threat of fascism and censorship looms, as Orwellian writers such as Ray Bradbury prophesied would be a 'fear' of the modern age. Police in sunglasses and high-tech cars would be considered as 'valuable' as giant city toy stores (e.g., Toys 'R Us), since mob traffic would have to be checked by savvy police!"
"America was being safeguarded by a lone masked urban vigilante named Batman who was really the prominent socialite-businessman Bruce Wayne (from NYC!). Batman prowled the city streets at night looking for signs of modern anarchy and terrorism and criminal-insanity related mayhem. Batman had tackled the likes of eco-terrorists, urban crimelords, ethnic gangs, and Neo-Nazis. However, Batman would now have to deal with a new masked menace named the Phantasm. Batman was prepared but worried..."'
"The Phantasm wore an eerie metal helmet and a hood and cape and fitted an iron hook-blade on his right hand, which he used to slay cops and criminals alike. Phantasm would efficiently and mercilessly swing his hook-blade across the necks of his victims, decapitating them swiftly. He believed he was the incarnate AntiChrist, here on Earth to warn humans of the moral dangers of apathetic consumerism. Phantasm hated 'TrumpUSA'."
"As usual, Batman travelled to a cemetery to meditate and gain inspiration. He asked the spirits of the wind and Jesus about the role and threat of the Phantasm and felt God telling him that the Phantasm was the ultimate 'adversary' of humankind. Batman concluded at the cemetery that if Phantasm was not deposed, the ghoul would create unnatural fears about modernism and urbanization."
"After a long chase, Batman finally apprehended Phantasm and incarcerated him at Arkham Asylum (center for the criminally-insane!). Batman was asked to interview Phantasm at Arkham, and he agreed to do so, and the interview was recorded and broadcasted by CNN. Here is the transcript of the interview:
BATMAN: You behave like a terrorist; you need help.
PHANTASM: I suppose you have all the answers...
BATMAN: I know that anarchy is never a solution!
PHANTASM: Is that encouragement?
BATMAN: No; but I don't think your methods were practical.
PHANTASM: I was frustrated with policemen and politicians.
BATMAN: You beheaded cops!
PHANTASM: I know...
BATMAN: Why?
PHANTASM: Urbanization has created sensitivity points in the conscience.
BATMAN: You're God's punisher, then?
PHANTASM: Precisely; a swift decapitation symbolizes death itself.
BATMAN: Why not just cut off a cop's hands like they used to in primitive societies?
PHANTASM: I don't condone torture; I'm simply a messenger of wrath...
BATMAN: By cutting off heads, you suggest that democracy can not help.
PHANTASM: Do you believe Wall Street is democratic?
BATMAN: Capitalism can be cutthroat, but I do believe in Aunt Jemima.
PHANTASM: Someday, I fear that Aunt Jemima will be censored/banned.
BATMAN: Ethnic-mascots (e.g., Aunt Jemima) will never be polluted.
PHANTASM: I prophesy a terrible global biochemical war leading to toxic-waste!
BATMAN: You get treatment; I'll deal with 'mankind's folly'.
PHANTASM: Alright, Batman; I'll try to 'get well soon'."
"After Batman concluded his strange interview at Arkham with the deadly Phantasm, he tried to forget about the whole ordeal and told CNN that he was simply relieved that the ghoul was receiving the proper treatment. Batman decided then to meditate in his secret fortress/lair about the spiritual value of Thanksgiving (the annual American holiday commemorating the human value of sharing food with friends/family). Batman then told me (personally) that every modern American journalist should talk about the political blessings that Thanksgiving has afforded America's unique brand of 'pluralism-optimism.' I knew Batman was correct, since Thanksgiving was the original gesture of friendship between Native-Americans and European-American pilgrims. God bless America!"
"So that's my report this Thanksgiving for the Daily Bugle. I know my boss at the Bugle (Jonah Jameson) will be pleased with my report/evaluation of American society and how/why the unusual but valiant 'Batman' dealt rightly with the disturbing and even frightening 'Phantasm.' I, for one, will enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with my friends and family and think about the great deed Batman did for America and for modern civilization (in general!). Perhaps I'll rent Gladiator on Netflix too! Perhaps Phantasm reminded us that the real Christian purgatory/danger of modernism is censorship (not Atheism)..."
-by Jimmy Olsen [Thanksgiving 2018]
====
Cheers,
====
"Americans liked simple conveniences and entertainment in the modern world and fled the city to enjoy a nice Friday night drive-in movie for a classic suburban experience. This was American consciousness. Urbanization had created all kinds of traffic and 'personality' as well as a commerce-related interest in recreational activities (e.g., Disney World). This was the modern world."
"Artists portrayed fantastic underground or underwater futuristic cities that helped humanity escape the problem of eco-pollution and the anathema of nuclear war as well as industrialization-related toxic-waste. It was an ironic fact therefore that imaginations about a futuristic city were related to an escapist paranoia about the ecological impact of urban-ambition!"
"American 'characters' included super-celebrities (e.g., Tom Hanks) and regular voting citizenry in a pluralistic society (e.g., Dinesh D'Souza). These characters were arrayed in modern media (e.g., movies, Internet forums, MTV, etc.) as 'figurines' of democracy, and it was all quite legal (if not completely eco-conscious). Consumerism was of course blamed for all kinds of manmade waste and cholesterol."
"Americans arguably make the best toys in the world, and iconic consumerism 'relics' or 'trophies' from the Reaganomics-era of the 'Big '80s' symbolized American imagination. Compact audio cassettes and Sony Walkmans were being sold on eBay as 'vintage consumerism items from the Big '80s.' Therefore, archaeologists were suggesting that consumerism was creating its own form of 'aesthetics'."
"Aesthetics is never straightforward and the threat of fascism and censorship looms, as Orwellian writers such as Ray Bradbury prophesied would be a 'fear' of the modern age. Police in sunglasses and high-tech cars would be considered as 'valuable' as giant city toy stores (e.g., Toys 'R Us), since mob traffic would have to be checked by savvy police!"
"America was being safeguarded by a lone masked urban vigilante named Batman who was really the prominent socialite-businessman Bruce Wayne (from NYC!). Batman prowled the city streets at night looking for signs of modern anarchy and terrorism and criminal-insanity related mayhem. Batman had tackled the likes of eco-terrorists, urban crimelords, ethnic gangs, and Neo-Nazis. However, Batman would now have to deal with a new masked menace named the Phantasm. Batman was prepared but worried..."'
"The Phantasm wore an eerie metal helmet and a hood and cape and fitted an iron hook-blade on his right hand, which he used to slay cops and criminals alike. Phantasm would efficiently and mercilessly swing his hook-blade across the necks of his victims, decapitating them swiftly. He believed he was the incarnate AntiChrist, here on Earth to warn humans of the moral dangers of apathetic consumerism. Phantasm hated 'TrumpUSA'."
"As usual, Batman travelled to a cemetery to meditate and gain inspiration. He asked the spirits of the wind and Jesus about the role and threat of the Phantasm and felt God telling him that the Phantasm was the ultimate 'adversary' of humankind. Batman concluded at the cemetery that if Phantasm was not deposed, the ghoul would create unnatural fears about modernism and urbanization."
"After a long chase, Batman finally apprehended Phantasm and incarcerated him at Arkham Asylum (center for the criminally-insane!). Batman was asked to interview Phantasm at Arkham, and he agreed to do so, and the interview was recorded and broadcasted by CNN. Here is the transcript of the interview:
BATMAN: You behave like a terrorist; you need help.
PHANTASM: I suppose you have all the answers...
BATMAN: I know that anarchy is never a solution!
PHANTASM: Is that encouragement?
BATMAN: No; but I don't think your methods were practical.
PHANTASM: I was frustrated with policemen and politicians.
BATMAN: You beheaded cops!
PHANTASM: I know...
BATMAN: Why?
PHANTASM: Urbanization has created sensitivity points in the conscience.
BATMAN: You're God's punisher, then?
PHANTASM: Precisely; a swift decapitation symbolizes death itself.
BATMAN: Why not just cut off a cop's hands like they used to in primitive societies?
PHANTASM: I don't condone torture; I'm simply a messenger of wrath...
BATMAN: By cutting off heads, you suggest that democracy can not help.
PHANTASM: Do you believe Wall Street is democratic?
BATMAN: Capitalism can be cutthroat, but I do believe in Aunt Jemima.
PHANTASM: Someday, I fear that Aunt Jemima will be censored/banned.
BATMAN: Ethnic-mascots (e.g., Aunt Jemima) will never be polluted.
PHANTASM: I prophesy a terrible global biochemical war leading to toxic-waste!
BATMAN: You get treatment; I'll deal with 'mankind's folly'.
PHANTASM: Alright, Batman; I'll try to 'get well soon'."
"After Batman concluded his strange interview at Arkham with the deadly Phantasm, he tried to forget about the whole ordeal and told CNN that he was simply relieved that the ghoul was receiving the proper treatment. Batman decided then to meditate in his secret fortress/lair about the spiritual value of Thanksgiving (the annual American holiday commemorating the human value of sharing food with friends/family). Batman then told me (personally) that every modern American journalist should talk about the political blessings that Thanksgiving has afforded America's unique brand of 'pluralism-optimism.' I knew Batman was correct, since Thanksgiving was the original gesture of friendship between Native-Americans and European-American pilgrims. God bless America!"
"So that's my report this Thanksgiving for the Daily Bugle. I know my boss at the Bugle (Jonah Jameson) will be pleased with my report/evaluation of American society and how/why the unusual but valiant 'Batman' dealt rightly with the disturbing and even frightening 'Phantasm.' I, for one, will enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with my friends and family and think about the great deed Batman did for America and for modern civilization (in general!). Perhaps I'll rent Gladiator on Netflix too! Perhaps Phantasm reminded us that the real Christian purgatory/danger of modernism is censorship (not Atheism)..."
-by Jimmy Olsen [Thanksgiving 2018]
====
