Yurt
Gold Member
Peace Talks
Osama Bin Laden and George W. meet up in a remote Afghani village for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bush sits down, he notices 3 buttons on the side of Osama's chair. They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Osama presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Osama laughs.
A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Osama laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2 countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Arab. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Osama flies to the Guantanamo Bay for talks. As the 2 men sit down, Osama notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and George W. presses the first button. Osama ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Osama jumps up, but again nothing happens. George roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Osama jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Osama. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!"
Bush then says through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan?"
.....
more funnies:
Memo from the Cave
Monday, December 26, 2001 8:17 AM
To: Cavemates
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says: "There is no 'I' in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby."
That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns...
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily.
I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening. Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, Eric and Bob.
Love you lots.
"O" or "U"
Whatever my name starts with...
Taliban Trap
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One American Marine is better than ten Taliban." The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune where upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One American Marine is better than one hundred Taliban." Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out again, "One American Marine is better than one thousand Taliban." The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander... "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually two of them."
http://www.joke-archives.com/
Osama Bin Laden and George W. meet up in a remote Afghani village for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bush sits down, he notices 3 buttons on the side of Osama's chair. They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Osama presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Osama laughs.
A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Osama laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2 countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Arab. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Osama flies to the Guantanamo Bay for talks. As the 2 men sit down, Osama notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and George W. presses the first button. Osama ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Osama jumps up, but again nothing happens. George roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Osama jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Osama. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!"
Bush then says through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan?"
.....
more funnies:
Memo from the Cave
Monday, December 26, 2001 8:17 AM
To: Cavemates
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says: "There is no 'I' in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby."
That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns...
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily.
I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening. Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, Eric and Bob.
Love you lots.
"O" or "U"
Whatever my name starts with...
Taliban Trap
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One American Marine is better than ten Taliban." The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune where upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One American Marine is better than one hundred Taliban." Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out again, "One American Marine is better than one thousand Taliban." The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander... "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually two of them."
http://www.joke-archives.com/
