Over-parenting our youth.. an ethical injustice to our kiddos

[JD_2B]

Full 5 page article:

Can These Parents Be Saved: The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting - TIME

The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old's "pencil-holding deficiency," hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — "helicopter parents," teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and "Kinderkords" (also known as leashes; they allow "three full feet of freedom for both you and your child") and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don't come prepadded). The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.



We were so obsessed with our kids' success that parenting turned into a form of product development. Parents demanded that nursery schools offer Mandarin, since it's never too soon to prepare for the competition of a global economy. High school teachers received irate text messages from parents protesting an exam grade before class was even over; college deans described freshmen as "crispies," who arrived at college already burned out, and "teacups," who seemed ready to break at the tiniest stress. (See pictures of the college dorm's evolution.)
This is what parenting had come to look like at the dawn of the 21st century — just one more extravagance, the Bubble Wrap waiting to burst.
All great rebellions are born of private acts of civil disobedience that inspire rebel bands to plot together. And so there is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads. The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. We're often the ones who hold them down.

Read more: Can These Parents Be Saved: The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting - TIME
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[JW Frogen]

My wife hovers over our son like a preditor drone at a Pakistani wedding, I on the other hand am more laissez fair, I am so lazy the boy thinks I am fair.

Last time I saw him he was in a life and death struggle with our doberman.

I am betting on the boy, because I love him.

 

[JD_2B]

My wife hovers over our son like a preditor drone at a Pakistani wedding, I on the other hand am more laissez fair, I am so lazy the boy thinks I am fair.

Last time I saw him he was in a life and death struggle with our doberman.

I am betting on the boy, because I love him.

LOL!! I have family that also acts like their kids will break if they arent constantly directing them. Ugh..

I am a little more like you, always available for my kid- even when he doesn't want me to be, lol.. I can tell when something is not right. I am kinda like the doberman, when it comes to it. Not with my kid, of course, lol, but with those who mess with him, who are bigger and badder.

You mess wit my kid, you messin wit me..

 

[Zoom-boing]

I read this article earlier today and absolutely agree. Parents have turned into hovering, annoying, interfering worry-warts with their kids. God forbid little Johnny suffer the consequences of forgetting his homework or uniform . . . mom or dad to the rescue, bringing them their goods! God forbid kids learn that failing to turn in assignments on time or studying for tests results in consequences like failing and detentions. . . . mom or dad to the rescue with a conference demanding that their kid can't suffer these consequences! Oh puleeezze.

My youngest - almost 13 - was friends with the kid a few doors down since they were little. A few years ago my kid decided that she didn't want to be friends with this kid cause she really didn't like this kid. So why was I on the phone with the school guidance counselor discussing this? Because the dropped friend whined about it and the 'feel good counselor' had the kids get together in the office at school to 'talk about it' and my kid called me during this 'discussion'. wtf?? I told the counselor that if my kid ever gets called down by another kid because they had a fight or a falling out or whatever, that under no circumstances was my kid allowed to partake in said discussion. For crying out loud the adults need to butt the hell out and let these kids learn how to solve their own problems. Talk to your kids, offer them advice then butt out. I told the kid's mom the same thing when she called to 'discuss the situation'. She was puzzled at my attitude as she gave me the impression that we should get together and figure this out. Give me a break.

 

[Mr. H.]

I tried to treat my kids with the attitude my father had. Let them teeter on the brink of self-destruction, grab their britches and pull them back. Very calm lecture followed by a hug. But each time the pesky spouse got in the way.

So I learned to boil it down to a sermon of sorts: "You're very lucky to have been born with the ability to tell right from wrong- some folks aren't. The challenge in life comes in choosing right over wrong".

I hope that shit sinks in.

 

[KittenKoder]

Two problems in America about parenting, under and over parenting ... we are a country of extremes now, some don't do enough, others do too much ... no one takes the middle ground anymore.

 

[Zander]

The article is just another reason to remain child-free. Who needs a bunch of do-gooders telling you how to raise your own kids?

 

[Cecilie1200]

The article is just another reason to remain child-free. Who needs a bunch of do-gooders telling you how to raise your own kids?

And the strangest thing is that most of the do-gooders who rush in to tell you how to parent "properly" don't actually have any children of their own.

 

[Si modo]

As a result of the generation spawned of the helicopter parents, we have an entire generation whose EQs are seriously retarded.

 

[Amanda]

What I find ironic is that whenever this subject comes up pretty much all the responses are about how helicopter parents are bad, but if anyone ever suggests lowering the age we call people adults or using some form of testing to decide when 1 should be considered an adult no 1 seems in favor of it. It feels to me like we live in a helicopter society.

 

[Si modo]

What I find ironic is that whenever this subject comes up pretty much all the responses are about how helicopter parents are bad, but if anyone ever suggests lowering the age we call people adults or using some form of testing to decide when 1 should be considered an adult no 1 seems in favor of it. It feels to me like we live in a helicopter society.

Yes, and there is a significant portion of the population who wants more nannying from the government. Go figure.

 

[Amanda]

What I find ironic is that whenever this subject comes up pretty much all the responses are about how helicopter parents are bad, but if anyone ever suggests lowering the age we call people adults or using some form of testing to decide when 1 should be considered an adult no 1 seems in favor of it. It feels to me like we live in a helicopter society.

Yes, and there is a significant portion of the population who wants more nannying from the government. Go figure.

I read the book [ame=http://www.amazon.com/Consumed-Markets-Children-Infantilize-Citizens/dp/0393330893/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258895797] Consumed: How Markets Corrupt Children, Infantilize Adults, and Swallow Citizens Whole by Benjamin R. Barber[/ame] a while back and it gave a really clear picture about why we're where we're at on some of these issues. I recommend it, it was a good read.

 

[chanel]

I thought it interesting that the new healthcare bill is supposed to cover dependent children UNTIL THE AGE OF 27!!!! Good Lord!

 

[KittenKoder]

I am not for "lowering the age of adulthood" in this country ... mostly because there are too many factors involved, however ... I am for neither helicopter nor absentee parents. Let kids be kids and grow up ... but make sure you offer them the best advice you can and explain why they get in trouble ... it's pretty simple ... yet no one wants to. Either they want the government to babysit or they baby the kids.

 

[JD_2B]

What I find ironic is that whenever this subject comes up pretty much all the responses are about how helicopter parents are bad, but if anyone ever suggests lowering the age we call people adults or using some form of testing to decide when 1 should be considered an adult no 1 seems in favor of it. It feels to me like we live in a helicopter society.

That is an excellent point. See, my sister was writing her congressmen at the ripe young age of like 11 or 12, informing them of the fact that she has practiced driving on private roads, and is fully knowledgeable about the driver's handbook, rules of the road. She is in her mid-thirties now, and still complains that she had to wait until she was 15, just to drive with an adult.

I personally think that if a kid can hold it, and pull the trigger, and maybe pass a couple of general exams, then they should have the same rights to gun ownership/ possession as an adult.

The hilarious thing is, my sister, a perpertual helicopter parent to her own children, totally disagrees with this!!!

WTF is right!!

 

[AllieBaba]

My wife hovers over our son like a preditor drone at a Pakistani wedding, I on the other hand am more laissez fair, I am so lazy the boy thinks I am fair.

Last time I saw him he was in a life and death struggle with our doberman.

I am betting on the boy, because I love him.

That's called good cop/bad cop. Works in two parent families.

Single parents have to be both. Sometimes we're the good cop, often we're the bad cop.

 

[Cecilie1200]

What I find ironic is that whenever this subject comes up pretty much all the responses are about how helicopter parents are bad, but if anyone ever suggests lowering the age we call people adults or using some form of testing to decide when 1 should be considered an adult no 1 seems in favor of it. It feels to me like we live in a helicopter society.

There is a middle ground, you know, between treating children as though they're retarded and made of spun glass and turning them loose to run wild.

Most people consider me a very casual parent, in that I consider being dirty to be the natural state of young boys (and girls, more often than not) and don't consider myself particularly invested in my children's lives after they become adults and leave my house. Nevertheless, I do still recognize that my 14-year-old is far from mature and experienced enough to run his life entirely on his own.

I don't stand over his shoulder every minute he's on the computer and run background checks on his friends and their families, but I do apply parental controls to his computer and do a quick spot check on his activities whenever I walk past, and I do insist on meeting his friends' parents and getting acquainted with them. I don't regulate and micromanage everything he reads or watches on TV, but I do restrict certain shows and make a point of discussing his latest book choices with him, and often read them along with him.

And while I don't have a fit of hysterics when my 10-month-old eats dirt, I do attempt to stop him from doing so. I don't boil everything he touches and buy special, purified water for his bottles, but I do wash everything thoroughly and use a water filter on the faucet.

You see the difference.

 

[AllieBaba]

Sometimes kids are retarded. Sometimes they're not. You have to adjust your parenting accordingly.

For example, when I was 13 I was convinced that my mother was insane for not dropping me off in the cascade mountains and allowing me to live off the land. I cried for an entire day, was sullen for a week over it. It wasn't even because I didn't want to be at home. I just had an insane romantic notion.

My brother DID run away to "live off the land" when we lived in Los Alamos NM. He drank dirty water from the Rio, was chased by a pack of dogs, until finally we found him huddled in some culvert and brought him home.

Kids are nuts. They are not little adults. They have their moments, but they require parents who are at least a little more responsible and level headed than they are, and who are willing to say "no" and sit on them when called for.


They're remarkably like liberals, when you think of it. They might have incredible i.q.s, but obviously, a high IQ means exactly squat when it comes to making decisions that will affect your life, and the lives of those around you.