Over 35 Only

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Joz, Apr 13, 2004.

  1. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    People over 35 should be dead. Here's why---

    Our baby cribs were covered with bright lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles. And when we rode our bikes we had no helmets.(not to mention the risk we took hitchiking) We rodes in cars with no seat belts or airbags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck, on a warm day, was a special treat.

    We drank from the garden hose.

    We ate cupcakes, bread & butter & soda pop, but were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

    We shared one soft drink, with four friends, from one bottle & no one actually died from this.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps & then rode them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

    We would leave home in the morning & play all day as long as we were back when the street lights came on. We didn't have video games, no 99 channels on cable, surround sound. We had friends. We went outside & found them.

    We played dodge ball & sometimes the ball really hurt.

    We fell out of trees, got cut & broke bones & teeth & there were no lawsuits from these accidents . No one was to blame but us.

    We had fights & pushed each other & got black & blue & learned to get over it.

    We made up games with sticks and tennis balls & altho' we were told it would happen,we didn't put out very many eyes.

    Little League had tryouts & not everyone made the team. Those who didn't learned to deal with disappointment.

    Some students weren't as smart as others, so they were held back to repeat the same grade. Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

    Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law.

    This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers & inventors ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovations & new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success & responsibility & we learned how to deal with it.

    And you're one of them-----Congratulations!
     
  2. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    Well, I'm only 21, but here's what I have to say.

    Didn't seem to harm you too much. I think the problem now is that paint peels and babies eating lead-based paint is bad.

    No, you just had childproof parents, a rare commodity that I enjoyed.

    Well, my mom's a spaz about this stuff, but I'm not too worried about it. I go riding with no helmet quite often, but the one time I did have a bike wreck, I was glad I had it (saved my face from road rash, I was going about 20 when my wet tires slipped out from under the bike and I slid a good 5 yards along solid, concrete driveway. The scarring's gone now, though, and the helmet saved my face.).

    Never had the occassion to enjoy an airbag, but seatbelts are a nice commodity when you're being stupid (like driving 8 hours in one day...alone...on only 4 hours of sleep).

    Just like now (for me, anyway).

    Aquafina is overrated, but in some towns I've lived, the Brita filter was a Godsend, but garden hose water had a few distinct advantages, like being cold and outside.

    Just like me, except add swim practice to playing outisde.

    Backwash is a bit gross, but I don't care when I'm really thirsty.

    All the scraps were recycled, so we had to settle for riding bikes full tilt down a steep hill, then making a hard left into a driveway. See the above section on helmets.

    TV sucks. Football, soccar, water guns, and nerf are awesome. Video games are cool, though, but not as cool as playing outside in the summer or when it's icy or snowy.

    I was the small kid. It was months before the dodgeballs stopped hurting, but that was due to building up resistance, not the bigger kids throwing the balls softer. However, swimming built me up enough that I threw back...hard. I once gave a guy a bloody nose, and instead of suing me, he thanked me for grabbing him some tissue and taking him to the school nurse. No hard feelings or tears shed.

    So far, I've broken a tooth, a thumb, and a leg. In the latter two cases, either I or my parents (depending on age) had grounds to sue, but it wasn't really that big a deal. The first two were accidents (the first involving my dog), and the second one was my own dumb fault for climing on shelves. In the third case, the responsible party paid all medical bills, so no hard feelings.

    Once again, I was the small kid. Three black eyes, two bloody noses and a partially collapsed sinus later (I was p*ssed, and I think I may have even broken his cheekbone, but he got over it), I was untouched until switching schools, after which it took two years of pure, unadulterated beatings (me beating them, usually) to stake my claim. Then, the cycle got reset by a bunch of new students (not to sound racists, but they were almost entirely hispanic immigrants) came. After that, I let loose my psycho fury and began the age old techique of object throwing. However, these guys were dumb and didn't learn after one guy I beat up couldn't breathe properly for five minutes, and one football player I retaliated against cried like a little baby for over an hour...after one punch to the eye. There was even a guy one day who got kicked in the balls because of me, not because I did it, but because the girl he groped did after I distracted him by threatening to break his nose. He didn't walk straight for three days. The worst part about these fights is that a)I'd get ISS for beating the sh** out of somebody, even though he jumped me, and the little snot would get away scot free or b) I'd be beaten to a pulp because I wasn't expecting it, but because I got in one, good shot to the little bas****'s face, I'd get ISS, too. However, all in one day, I got jumped in the football locker room (track guys used the same locker room), suckerpunched...with a ring...in the middle of class hard enough to make a very audible sound and knot my arm up until it was practically immobile until I'd put a heat pack on it (and even then, it bruised up pretty bad), and to top it all off, I was depantsed in front of my English class while the teacher was out of the room (I was reading something on the board). You shoulda seen the little punk's face after I gave him a death look, then proceeded to give chase. All three of these actions went without disciplinary action on the part of the school, so my mom parked in the pick-up lane (a HUGE no-no) and found the principal. She explained to him that if I was coming to school in the same condition I was coming home, she'd have been arrested long ago. So, I was safe...for another 3 months, then I went from the middle school to the high school. However, after one guy somehow broke his nose by falling on his back and another guy had a bad experience involving large rocks falling from the sky at him (fortunately for him, my aim sucked), I was largely left alone. Oh, and there was my lineman friend. That helped, too. Anyway, I know about fights...all too well.

    Although it never happened, I was always told I'd break my neck. However, my games usually involved tackling and/or steep hills. Then again, this is western Arkansas, where every made up game involves tackling and steep hills because the sticks are protected by the national forest laws and there's nowhere to play except steep hills.

    I hate it when we're winning right up until the point where the guy that wouldn't have even made it through tryouts, much less pass them, takes the field because "the coach has to play every player."

    I hated being stuck on the same topic for a week because one doofus couldn't figure it out, especially when that doofus couldn't even speak much English (I think the first thing taught to them is, "No homework. I still don't know English.").

    Never had a run-in with the law, except when I hit that sign (see above under the seatbelts and airbags topic), and then, all my dad did was tell me to call the police and arrange for me to get a ride the rest of the way home from his cousin (I had no cell phone at the time, and he didn't want me wasting money on the pay phone when he could just as easily do it for me). I think my dad would let me stew for one night, then bail me out, if possible, and then ground me until I'm thirty.

    Maybe the fact that I'm an Arkansan Boy Scout had something to do with my politically incorrect upbringing, but the only ones complaining are those little punks I beat to a bloody pulp for trying to take my lunch money by force. I think my best line ever was, "The last time some punk tried that on me, I slammed him into a door, being sure to hit the knob, then I slammed him into the wall...face first, then the ground, and then I put one foot on his head kicked him in the gut until he gave up. Fortunately for you, there is no door here. Unfortunately, you're going into the wall twice."

    Credit given the www.actsofgord.com from which I copied a my threat to said bully.
     
  3. jcon96
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    jcon96 Guest

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    We had lawn darts!
     
  4. krisy
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    krisy Senior Member

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    Great post Joz. Where have the good ol days gone? Reading that took me back to sitting on a skate board and rolling down the huge hill we lived on in the middle of the street. Ah the memories.....times have changed so much. I'm only 30,but this is how it was when I was little too.
     
  5. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    Aside from getting in my share of fights, I had a more sinister side to me. When the neighboor kid beat up my big brother and I knew I couldn't wipe him one on one, I snuck out back of their house and burnt down their club house.
     

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