Paul Revere
Member
DATELINE: WASHINGTON - OUTSOURCING
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- Congress today announced that the office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of March 29, 2007.
The move is being made to save the President's $400,000.00 yearly
salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead the office has incurred during the last 6 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings
should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).
Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect
to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been under way for sometime.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of March 30th . Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time
difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at
night, when new offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center, " stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President someday."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem since Bush was not familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a "script tree" that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned
responses, he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issues at all, as was the case with Bush.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush
has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear
intelligent and on top of the situation.
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience.
A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
extensive experience shaking hands with a phony smile.
Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air
National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but
should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco,
Texas for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has
visited.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who
gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad
Airport's terminal and gift shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
welcome.
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- Congress today announced that the office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of March 29, 2007.
The move is being made to save the President's $400,000.00 yearly
salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead the office has incurred during the last 6 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings
should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).
Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect
to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been under way for sometime.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of March 30th . Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time
difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at
night, when new offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center, " stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President someday."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem since Bush was not familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a "script tree" that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned
responses, he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issues at all, as was the case with Bush.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush
has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear
intelligent and on top of the situation.
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience.
A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
extensive experience shaking hands with a phony smile.
Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air
National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but
should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco,
Texas for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has
visited.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who
gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad
Airport's terminal and gift shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
welcome.
