Discussion in 'Humor' started by Paul Revere, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. Paul Revere

    Paul Revere Member

    Mar 4, 2007
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    Fayetteville, PA.

    (WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- Congress today announced that the office of
    President of the United States of America will be outsourced to
    India as of March 29, 2007.

    The move is being made to save the President's $400,000.00 yearly
    salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
    related overhead the office has incurred during the last 6 years.

    "We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings
    should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).
    Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has
    studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect
    to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
    cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

    Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.

    Preparations for the job move have been under way for sometime.
    Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
    assuming the office of President as of March 30th . Mr. Singh was
    born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
    at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
    will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
    coverage or other benefits.

    It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
    responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time
    difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at
    night, when new offices of the US Government will be open.

    "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
    Express call center, " stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
    "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
    President someday."

    A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
    fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
    this should not be a problem since Bush was not familiar with the
    issues either.
    Mr. Singh will rely upon a "script tree" that will enable him to
    respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned
    responses, he can address common concerns without having to
    understand the underlying issues at all, as was the case with Bush.

    "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
    "President Bush has used them successfully for years."

    Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush
    has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear
    intelligent and on top of the situation.

    Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
    final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
    will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
    Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his
    unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

    Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
    Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
    transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
    in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience.
    A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
    extensive experience shaking hands with a phony smile.

    Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air
    National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but
    should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco,
    Texas for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has

    "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who
    gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad
    Airport's terminal and gift shop.

    Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
    reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
    details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
  2. 90K

    90K BANNED

    Oct 23, 2006
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    in the back of GW in foggy bottom
    It is being done because we as a nation have expectations that include having everything! We want but we as a nation have become too educated and feel as if any physical labors are beyond our capabilities. If we outsource then we can keep cost of labor down and thus prices can be kept at a reasonable place in the price market with great profits.
    Have you ever been discriminated in the US for applying for a labor position? I have and I was not hired because of our friends from Mexico and other South American countries will work for peanuts... And I won't exactly work for nothing but I am loyal and will show up everyday and work any shift because I needed a job.

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