our legal system

Discussion in 'Humor' started by manu1959, Feb 18, 2005.

  1. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    published by court reporters who had the torment of biting their lip to
    stay calm while these exchanges were taking place.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    ___________________________________________________________

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    ____________________________________________________

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
    that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
    he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    _____________________________________________________________

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A! : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ________________________________________

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What school did you go to?
    A: Oral. _____________________________________________________________

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy. ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    ______________________________________________________________

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
    alive
    when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
    alive, practicing law somewhere.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  2. padisha emperor
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    padisha emperor Senior Member

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    :) :) :) :) :)

    That's awesome !!!

    really fun, congratulations manu1959

    I partucluarly like the last answer of the doctor, for the last interview...


    And they are all really great !!!
     
  3. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    oral.
     
  4. Johnney
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    Johnney Senior Member

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    heres your sign
     
  5. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Says it all!
     

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