5stringJeff
Senior Member
got back to work, just in tim efor the boss to tell me
Navigation
Install the app
How to install the app on iOS
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature currently requires accessing the site using the built-in Safari browser.
More options
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Open Letter to....
- Thread starter dmp
- Start date
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
Dear gop_jeff,
I wanted to take this time to tell you that my goat has escaped and is heading for
your office as we speak. If you see Sparky, please be easy on him - he's
impressionable. But enough about my problems, how is your cat sniffles doing
with its Genetic Modification? Why would you want to turn you cat into your lover.
Don't you know that's illegal and physically awkward? Besides, Sparky is much
better looking. Say I got this idea. We could breed miniature bulls and start a
midget rodeo.
Events would include but not be limited to, naked midget mud wrestling, Midget
tossing (to see how far the bulls can toss the midgets in the air) and, community
playhouse productions of Little Women, Short Cuts, and How's the Weather Down
There: the Bob LaMonta Story, featuring Danny Devito as LaMonta, the (very) little
person who beat the odds and became commissioner of the WWF. Did you know
that a 500 pound Walrus is head anchorwoman on CNN morning. The show "The
Left and The Right" features two Kittens who get into heated political debates
and then play with yarn. It's almost as cute as Me, who very often has been
caught naked midget mud wrastling.... but i do go on and what i wanted to say
was Said1 would never do that, she's perfect I'm a real egomaniac, I need to stop
talking about myself.
Anyway, Gop_jeff, we need to talk. We all know you have a problem, and that
problem is getting worse by your continued denial. You know what they say, You
are what you eat. And boy, do I love to eat after mud wrestling with naked
midgets, kittens, bulls, and -=d=-!But seriously, did you know that -=d'=- said
that someday, when I grow up, I can replace Tom Brokaw. My only problem would
be I dont have any brown pants so I'll have to wear my oatmeal hat. That hat is
so big it covers my embarrassing potato shaped scar, which is on my left nostril. I
got that when I was on Jerry Springer because I was chair wrastlin' with naked
midgets, and practicing my midget defenestration (whatever that means) when
Oliver Sudden there was this Ginsu Knife demonstration. I'll spare you the gory
details, but at least I got to show my boobs and get some beads which I use to
mark my distance after a good demonstration of defenestration. However, we are
getting off-topic again...
Yesterday I walked into the 7-11, and you will never guess who I saw there,
there he stood, bigger than life. John Kerry! He was buying A Christmas card for
some woman named Hillary. At least that was what he wrote on the envelope. I
said hello to him and he responded in French. This confirmed my suspicions about
him and I just smiled as he zipped up his jacket with the "World Champion Butt
Snorkeller" logo on the back. Anyway, I then used this rare time when he was no
longer protected by the Secret Service to give him what I always wanted to
proceeded to rob the store at gun point with John Kerry's chin as a weapon,
which caused him to suggest legislation to outlaw inhumane use of a grotesquely
oversized chin. It sounded like a good idea at the time, only his daughter was no
longer allowed entry into the US unless she was registered under the new
weapons law to carry a concealed weapon and willing to wear a bag over her
head. This caused him form a coalition with Jay Leno. Then his wife came in and
stole my oatmeal hat, she took it and gave it to a Midget. She said he needed it
more than I did in order to make him look taller. I tried to get my hat back but that
Midget bit my big toe. that little bastard looked right up at me and said You must
see the LIZARD! I then saw he was wearing an overcoat, I just got out of there
as quickly as possible, before he pulled out "the lizard", turns out he was a porn
star named after his grandfather aka" Gargantua". And his entourage was right
outside. They grabbed me by the arms and made me play the fiddle, boy were my
fingers dancing on the strings as they blistered and bled, alas time to move on
said the police. No panhandling here without a permit. I was astounded and
wanted to see if the banjo playing monkey would make an appearance but
enough about Ross Perot.
I made a beeline to my house only to find that half way there I saw a sign at
Kmart. Motor oil half off...so I danced a jig to the fragle rock theme song in the
parking lot. Just then a giant cracker walked up to me and his name is Jeff, and
he's 6'4". I made like a baby, and headed out back towards the outhouse. I was
certain to get away, at least that's what I thought. I was stalled by stepping in a
pile of cheese. Although he called himself Jeff, he seemed rather non gender
specific, with long red fingernails, and bright red lips, at first I was quite unnerved,
but then this large Man-Woman being opened his/her mouth. Out came the most
unique three pronged tongue and as I looked closer each prong of said tounge
had a face; eyes, nose, and mouth. "weird" I thought, as I began to wonder if
this would effect study on cooties I had participated in for several years. It was
creepy and alluring at the same time. I reached out and offered the beast some
playdoh. it looked at me and said DAMNIT WHY DON'T WE MAKE UP STORIES
ABOUT DARIN THE BIRTHDAY BOY?!? So I said, "Just fix the damn thing and leave
my private life out of it!" The beast then made a peace offering of some half
chewed cheetos, so we made missiles with the playdoh and began throwing it at
passers by. But I started to get a little tired of all the clowns making faces at me,
so I took the playdoh and made A huge birthday cake for -=d=-, who was about
to turn 50!!!!! He got mad and said that he was really only 49 with tenure, but
regardless, it was time for his prune juice and Centrum. Too bad I replaced them
all with ex-lax. You should have seen him run for the outhouse, but he stepped in
the same pile of cheese that I did, someone should move that.
He finally started to follow somebody that looked like they knew where they were
going and I was able to get away before he noticed. Moving quietly, to avoid
detection, I got back to work, just in time befor the boss to tell me
I wanted to take this time to tell you that my goat has escaped and is heading for
your office as we speak. If you see Sparky, please be easy on him - he's
impressionable. But enough about my problems, how is your cat sniffles doing
with its Genetic Modification? Why would you want to turn you cat into your lover.
Don't you know that's illegal and physically awkward? Besides, Sparky is much
better looking. Say I got this idea. We could breed miniature bulls and start a
midget rodeo.
Events would include but not be limited to, naked midget mud wrestling, Midget
tossing (to see how far the bulls can toss the midgets in the air) and, community
playhouse productions of Little Women, Short Cuts, and How's the Weather Down
There: the Bob LaMonta Story, featuring Danny Devito as LaMonta, the (very) little
person who beat the odds and became commissioner of the WWF. Did you know
that a 500 pound Walrus is head anchorwoman on CNN morning. The show "The
Left and The Right" features two Kittens who get into heated political debates
and then play with yarn. It's almost as cute as Me, who very often has been
caught naked midget mud wrastling.... but i do go on and what i wanted to say
was Said1 would never do that, she's perfect I'm a real egomaniac, I need to stop
talking about myself.
Anyway, Gop_jeff, we need to talk. We all know you have a problem, and that
problem is getting worse by your continued denial. You know what they say, You
are what you eat. And boy, do I love to eat after mud wrestling with naked
midgets, kittens, bulls, and -=d=-!But seriously, did you know that -=d'=- said
that someday, when I grow up, I can replace Tom Brokaw. My only problem would
be I dont have any brown pants so I'll have to wear my oatmeal hat. That hat is
so big it covers my embarrassing potato shaped scar, which is on my left nostril. I
got that when I was on Jerry Springer because I was chair wrastlin' with naked
midgets, and practicing my midget defenestration (whatever that means) when
Oliver Sudden there was this Ginsu Knife demonstration. I'll spare you the gory
details, but at least I got to show my boobs and get some beads which I use to
mark my distance after a good demonstration of defenestration. However, we are
getting off-topic again...
Yesterday I walked into the 7-11, and you will never guess who I saw there,
there he stood, bigger than life. John Kerry! He was buying A Christmas card for
some woman named Hillary. At least that was what he wrote on the envelope. I
said hello to him and he responded in French. This confirmed my suspicions about
him and I just smiled as he zipped up his jacket with the "World Champion Butt
Snorkeller" logo on the back. Anyway, I then used this rare time when he was no
longer protected by the Secret Service to give him what I always wanted to
proceeded to rob the store at gun point with John Kerry's chin as a weapon,
which caused him to suggest legislation to outlaw inhumane use of a grotesquely
oversized chin. It sounded like a good idea at the time, only his daughter was no
longer allowed entry into the US unless she was registered under the new
weapons law to carry a concealed weapon and willing to wear a bag over her
head. This caused him form a coalition with Jay Leno. Then his wife came in and
stole my oatmeal hat, she took it and gave it to a Midget. She said he needed it
more than I did in order to make him look taller. I tried to get my hat back but that
Midget bit my big toe. that little bastard looked right up at me and said You must
see the LIZARD! I then saw he was wearing an overcoat, I just got out of there
as quickly as possible, before he pulled out "the lizard", turns out he was a porn
star named after his grandfather aka" Gargantua". And his entourage was right
outside. They grabbed me by the arms and made me play the fiddle, boy were my
fingers dancing on the strings as they blistered and bled, alas time to move on
said the police. No panhandling here without a permit. I was astounded and
wanted to see if the banjo playing monkey would make an appearance but
enough about Ross Perot.
I made a beeline to my house only to find that half way there I saw a sign at
Kmart. Motor oil half off...so I danced a jig to the fragle rock theme song in the
parking lot. Just then a giant cracker walked up to me and his name is Jeff, and
he's 6'4". I made like a baby, and headed out back towards the outhouse. I was
certain to get away, at least that's what I thought. I was stalled by stepping in a
pile of cheese. Although he called himself Jeff, he seemed rather non gender
specific, with long red fingernails, and bright red lips, at first I was quite unnerved,
but then this large Man-Woman being opened his/her mouth. Out came the most
unique three pronged tongue and as I looked closer each prong of said tounge
had a face; eyes, nose, and mouth. "weird" I thought, as I began to wonder if
this would effect study on cooties I had participated in for several years. It was
creepy and alluring at the same time. I reached out and offered the beast some
playdoh. it looked at me and said DAMNIT WHY DON'T WE MAKE UP STORIES
ABOUT DARIN THE BIRTHDAY BOY?!? So I said, "Just fix the damn thing and leave
my private life out of it!" The beast then made a peace offering of some half
chewed cheetos, so we made missiles with the playdoh and began throwing it at
passers by. But I started to get a little tired of all the clowns making faces at me,
so I took the playdoh and made A huge birthday cake for -=d=-, who was about
to turn 50!!!!! He got mad and said that he was really only 49 with tenure, but
regardless, it was time for his prune juice and Centrum. Too bad I replaced them
all with ex-lax. You should have seen him run for the outhouse, but he stepped in
the same pile of cheese that I did, someone should move that.
He finally started to follow somebody that looked like they knew where they were
going and I was able to get away before he noticed. Moving quietly, to avoid
detection, I got back to work, just in time befor the boss to tell me
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
You're fired Fred Flinestone,
Then I said "but Mr Slate....
Then I said "but Mr Slate....
goat sparky's best salt lick! No wonder he ran off! Just then an embittered dinosaur forced to serve as a record player....
5stringJeff
Senior Member
no1tovote4 said:goat sparky's best salt lick! No wonder he ran off! Just then an embittered dinosaur forced to serve as a record player....
decided to fly off with his best friend's wife, leaving the music-lovers in the workplace with a
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
mint flavored toothpick in the shape of...
manu1959
Left Coast Isolationist
gop_jeff said:decided to fly off with his best friend's wife, leaving the music-lovers in the workplace with a
a big fat........
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
shotgun shell, that looked like Jay Leno.manu1959 said:mint flavored toothpick in the shape of a big fat........
That's pretty much...
it for tonight except you still have my Marvin Martian doll. What do you do with that thing anyway? This has got to be the third time it was stolen.
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
from my toy chest. please bring it back unharmed and,......
cleaned. The last time I had to wash it myself and I couldn't get all that...
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
chocolate cake off his...
XP-32 blaster.
You know you can buy...
You know you can buy...
JOKER96BRAVO
Senior Member
- Aug 13, 2004
- 4,433
- 290
- 48
farts in a can,
you know you can also....
you know you can also....
open your chakras by simply...
dilloduck
Diamond Member
winning a jalapeno eating contest but--
Said1
Gold Member
UsaPride said:...this will also burn your.....
paranas (SP), so I would meditate before......
Said1 said:paranas (SP), so I would meditate before......
fishing in your aquarium.
I also learned just the other day that Bob Newhart...
Similar threads
- Replies
- 10
- Views
- 288
- Replies
- 23
- Views
- 506
Latest Discussions
- Replies
- 83
- Views
- 268
- Replies
- 2K
- Views
- 68K
Forum List
-
-
-
-
-
Political Satire 8032
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
ObamaCare 781
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Member Usernotes 468
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-