On Gunfights

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by CSM, Jan 31, 2005.

  1. CSM
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    CSM Senior Member

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    You may have seen some of these before, but not all together. There is
    some good wisdom here for serious social confrontations. Enjoy.

    USMC Rules For a Gunfight

    1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of
    your friends who have guns

    2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

    3. Only hits count. A close miss is still a miss.

    4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.

    5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and
    diagonal movements are preferred.)

    6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a
    friend with a long gun.

    7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
    tactics.

    8. They will only remember who lived.

    9. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and
    running.

    10. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

    11. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

    12. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have
    to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

    13. Always cheat = always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

    14. Have a plan.

    15. Have a backup plan, because the first one won't work.

    16. Use cover and concealment as much as possible.

    17. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours,

    18. Don't drop your guard.

    19. Always do a tactical reload and threat scan for 360 degrees.

    20. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep
    your hands where I can see them.)

    21. Decide to be AGGRESSIVE enough, QUICKLY enough.

    22. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get.

    23. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

    24. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

    25. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4".


    Navy Rules For a Gunfight

    1. Go to sea.

    2. Adopt an aggressive offshore posture.

    3. Drink coffee.

    4. Watch movies.

    5. Send in the Marines.


    Army Rules For a Gunfight


    1. Select a new beret to wear.

    2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder.

    3. Change the color of the beret you decide to wear.

    4. See which war-fighters have sexy new cammies. If the Marines have
    copyrighted theirs, make your own.

    5. Plan what new weapons you need to deploy ten years from now. When
    that time comes, make new plans.

    6. Show up after the fight to provide security and help handout food to all of the displaced civilians.


    Navy SEAL Rules For a Gunfight


    1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

    2. Kill every living thing within view.

    3, Return quickly to looking cool in latest beachwear.

    4. Check hair in mirror.


    Army Ranger Rules For a Gunfight


    1. Walk-in 50 miles wearing a 75-pound rucksack while starving.

    2. Locate individuals requiring killing,

    3. Request permission by secure-voice radio from "Higher" to perform killing.

    4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

    5. Walk out 50 miles wear a 75-pound rucksack while starving.


    Air Force Rules For a Gunfight


    1. Watch this all from the BOQ (Batchelor Officers' Quarters) bar while drinking a beer or having a cocktail.

    2. Adjust temperature on air conditioner.

    3. See what is on HBO, Show Time, or Pay Per View.

    4. Determine "what is a gunfight?"

    5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint
    presentation.

    6. Wine and dine key Congressmen, invite DoD and defense industry
    executives.

    7. Receive funding, set up new command, and assemble assets.

    8. Declare assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.

    9. Tell the Navy to send in the Marines.
     
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  2. Semper Fi
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    Semper Fi VIP Member

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    Did you get this from Solder of Fortune? I saw an artcile like that in their latest issue. Funny, nonetheless.
     
  3. MtnBiker
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    MtnBiker Senior Member

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    :2guns: Priceless
     
  4. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    If only Alexander Hamilton had this list...
     
  5. CSM
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    CSM Senior Member

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    Soldier of fortune???Is that a publication about Wall Street?
     
  6. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    Step 5 should be step 6. Step five is to flatten the beach with 12 inch shells so the Marines' targets are not only scared ****less, their bunkers are gone.

    Step 7 is to send in planes and cruise missiles to hit what step 5 missed before the Marines get there. Failure to complete step 7 will result in Marines laughing at you since their demo guys had to "do your job."

    Step 8 (and Marine step 26) is to sit around the mess hall talking about how much the Army and Air Force suck.
     
  7. CSM
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    CSM Senior Member

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    Actually, that last step is probably the same for each service
     
  8. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    Step 8 is also step 1 of the Navy's guide to relaxing.
     
  9. wolvie20m
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    wolvie20m Member

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    Couldn't of seen it any better then that. Yea a Seal on land..come on it's a seal on the beach what good is that? Thats why we have the Marines Recon.
     

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