Today at 2:10 P.M., EST, Planet Earth split in two at the equator, causing alarm and widespread problems throughout the area. Officials of governments worldwide expressed reassurance that the crisis would find a quick solution and urged the population of the planet to remain calm and go about their business.
The two hemispheres of the planet remained in orbit some fifty miles apart from one another, giving officials hope that the disconnection of the planet from itself can be reversed. Scientists and government and corporate officials have put their heads together in an attempt to discover the cause of the incident and reconnect the two halves of the planet.
Estimates of damages and casualties have not yet been estimated, but the officials said that it was "considerable".
Dr. Irwin Fester, of Cal Tech's Burnmore Laboratory, said, "We're working on it. We're consdering an intricate system of pulleys, bridges, hooks, trusses, so on. There are many feasible options available. It might take a few days." The governments of the world, through the United Nations, issued this statement: "The world will be restored to its previous unispherical configuration as soon as possible. Stay calm, stay in your houses, go about your lives, if you live along the equator, step back. Be assured that we will have the planet back up and running before too long."
Asked for a comment, Planet Earth said, "Shut the fuck up."
Planet Earth Splits In Two; Officials Urge Calm, Give Reassurance. | Red Room
The two hemispheres of the planet remained in orbit some fifty miles apart from one another, giving officials hope that the disconnection of the planet from itself can be reversed. Scientists and government and corporate officials have put their heads together in an attempt to discover the cause of the incident and reconnect the two halves of the planet.
Estimates of damages and casualties have not yet been estimated, but the officials said that it was "considerable".
Dr. Irwin Fester, of Cal Tech's Burnmore Laboratory, said, "We're working on it. We're consdering an intricate system of pulleys, bridges, hooks, trusses, so on. There are many feasible options available. It might take a few days." The governments of the world, through the United Nations, issued this statement: "The world will be restored to its previous unispherical configuration as soon as possible. Stay calm, stay in your houses, go about your lives, if you live along the equator, step back. Be assured that we will have the planet back up and running before too long."
Asked for a comment, Planet Earth said, "Shut the fuck up."
Planet Earth Splits In Two; Officials Urge Calm, Give Reassurance. | Red Room
